Happiness is one of the great goals of most people. We all want to be happy. However, very few people take action. Most people sit back and wait for happiness to knock on their door and sometimes, when it decides to give them a chance, they don’t even open it. Why?
The expectation of being happy plays a trick on us
A series of experiments conducted at Stanford University reveal why happiness is so elusive for many people. According to these psychologists, the key lies in our expectations.
These researchers looked at how happy helping others made people. In one of their experiments, they recruited 92 people, told them about patients who were looking for bone marrow donors and asked them to do something to help them.
The key was that some were given an abstract goal: “to give these patients greater hope” and others were given a more concrete goal: “to increase the chances of these patients finding a donor.”
Could simply changing the goal have an impact on the level of satisfaction and happiness people experienced with the help provided?
The psychologists found that more concrete goals did indeed generate greater satisfaction and happiness than abstract goals, and these results were also evident in the rest of the experiments. Why?
These researchers claim that the more abstract our goals are, the less likely we are to be happy, even if we achieve them. The key is that abstract goals often lead to more unrealistic expectations, so in the end we don’t feel as satisfied and we are not happy.
In practice, it’s like when we look forward to a moment, but when it finally arrives, it doesn’t meet our expectations and we don’t feel as happy as we expected. In fact, it’s probably happened to you at some point.
Therefore, it is recommended that if you want to be happy, you focus on specific goals, on things that can make you feel good here and now. Happiness is not an abstract state, it is something that is achieved step by step.
Be happier by taking things step by step
1. Reach out to a friend. The greatest source of happiness, and also the most lasting, is interpersonal relationships. Spending time with the people you love is the best medicine against anxiety and depression and also one of the most direct paths to finding happiness. If you haven’t seen a good friend for a long time, reach out and meet up.
2. Do half an hour of aerobic exercise. Aerobic exercise, more than any other type of physical activity, creates a particularly positive mood characterized by relaxation and a feeling of fullness. This is because it stimulates the production of endorphins, neurotransmitters that generate well-being and happiness. The good news is that you don’t need to spend a lot of time on it; half an hour a day is enough.
3. Write down three reasons why you feel grateful. If there is one thing that most philosophical schools of thought agree on, it is that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness. The simple act of giving thanks for what we have, instead of complaining about what we don’t have, makes us feel fortunate and gives us serenity, two basic aspects of being happy.
4. Imagine the best image of yourself. Putting your mind to work to generate the best image of yourself is a very positive exercise. In fact, it will allow you to face the day from a more optimistic perspective and will increase your self-confidence. Don’t forget that one of the biggest barriers that prevents you from being happy are those negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
5. Set a goal that you can achieve for the day. Achieving goals makes us feel powerful, generates a sense of self-satisfaction, and increases our confidence in our abilities. In the long run, if you cultivate these feelings, you will also be happier. Therefore, set a different goal for yourself every day and achieve it. At the end of the day, you will feel satisfied and a little happier.
Remember that the secret lies in understanding that happiness is not a goal, it is found on the path .
References:
Melanie Rudd, Jennifer Aaker, Michael I. Norton. (2014) Getting the Most out of Giving: Concretely Framing a Prosocial Goal Maximizes Happiness. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology ; 54: 11-24.
Walton, GM et. Al. (2012) Mere belonging: the power of social connections. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 102(3): 513.
Reed, J. & Ones, DS (2006) The effect of acute aerobic exercise on positive activated affect: A meta-analysis. Psychology of Sport and Exercise , 7(5): 477-514.
Meevissen, Y. et. Al. (2011) Become more optimistic by imagining a best possible self: Effects of a two week intervention. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry , 42(3): 371-378.
Emmons, RA & McCullough, ME (2003) Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 84(2): 377.
