There are those who repent to have loved, either because a relationship has not yielded its fruits or because it is torn apart. Many think it was a wasted love. However, never loses who gives love but who does not know how to appreciate and receive it.
Loving means opening up. The one who loves does not hold anything for himself, but in that offer it is produced a wonderful contradiction since giving, we receive. In fact, lose those that are closing in themselves, those who build walls around to protect themselves, so that joy will not come in, but suffering can still creep through the openings.
The worst thing you can do is close into yourself
When someone we love disappoints or abandons us, we are obliged to do a hard work of reorganization at psychological level. Not only do we have to face the feelings we are experiencing, but we must also work out what has happened at a cognitive level.
The pain of loss, frustration and even of rage, end up affecting our thoughts. Sometimes that pain is so great that it hurts physically and we feel we’re broken in pieces, literally. And since no one likes to suffer, we can end up reproving ourselves, thinking that we should not have loved so much so that we could avoid this suffering.
It’s true. It is a perfectly valid and rational reasoning: if we do not love, we do not suffer. But is it really worth living emotionally anesthetized? Is that what you really want?
It is perfectly understandable that, after the first emotional impact, we think we will not love again or that we must protect ourselves not to suffer again, because the emotions we are experiencing are like gray lenses that prevent us from seeing the colors of the world.
Indeed, in a sense, these thoughts are a mechanism of defense. When suffering hampers us we try to find consolation. And it can comfort us the idea that in the future we will not suffer in this way. It’s like thinking, “All right, now I’m suffering a lot, but when I get through it will not happen again.” This thought can be comforting and can help us get out of the tunnel.
But at some point, we need to restructure those thoughts and go back to the world. We must be aware that defensive mechanisms that at some point can be functional and protect us, later can damage us.
Change perspective or be condemned to emotional sterility
Loving is never wasted time, it is an experience we can make it a treasure for a lifetime. You just have to pay attention to the moment when the pain passes to rearrange your thoughts.
The first sign that our emotional wounds are healing is that, looking back, we not only see the negative but also the positive moments. Then we came to the moment when we have to reflect on our thoughts. From that moment on, we can begin to open to the world again.
It will help us thinking that even though we do not like to accept it, everything in life has a price. To get something, we need to give something in return. This means that the joy of love also includes pain and suffering. Denying one also means denying the other, condemning ourselves to emotional sterility, which is far worse than the pain of the loss.