Sometimes form trumps content. Sometimes it’s not so much what we say that’s important, but the attitude with which we relate. From the moment we learn to speak, we immerse ourselves in conversations; it’s as normal as breathing, so we often don’t reflect on our communication habits, which can become quite annoying to others and even generate misunderstandings that lead to conflict.
In fact, Anthony Robbins stated, “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves determines the quality of our lives.” Therefore, it’s worth reviewing the communication mistakes we may be making without realizing it, which end up affecting the image others form of us.
7 bad communication habits you should change immediately
We often assume we’re great communicators, at least until a misunderstanding arises, a conversation goes off track, or we realize we’ve been misinterpreted. The truth is that even small communication habits can have a big impact on how others perceive and respond to us. From filler words that weaken your authority to passive language that dilutes your message, certain behaviors may be holding you back without you even realizing it. If you’re ready to transform your interactions, start by eliminating these seven counterproductive communication habits today.
1. Being pessimistic
You don’t need to plaster a smile on your face, but constantly relating from a place of pessimism can be extremely exhausting for our interlocutor. Constantly recounting problems, past and future adversities, and personal and global difficulties ends up leaving the other person psychologically exhausted.
Doomsaying and pessimism end up being unbearable in the long run. Plain and simple. It’s difficult to relate to people who always have a string of complaints and grievances on their lips, as they end up draining the emotional energy of their interlocutor. Therefore, it’s a good idea to ask yourself why people would want to spend time with you. What positive things can you bring to their lives? How can you make their day a little better? You, too, will benefit from this shift in perspective.
2. Master the conversation
In a conversation, there must be a balance. If we want to connect with someone, it’s important to share things about ourselves, to let a glimpse of our inner selves emerge, but if the ego takes over, the conversation will end up being extremely boring for the other person. It’s not even our fault; a study conducted at Harvard University revealed that talking about ourselves gives us a pleasant feeling of pleasure at the brain level. These psychologists discovered that 40% of our daily speech focuses on telling others what we feel or think.
However, there are people who talk too much, who don’t allow others to give their opinions and participate in the conversation, to the point that it becomes a monologue. In these cases, excessive narcissism can be extremely annoying and difficult to bear. Therefore, remember that you can also connect through active listening.
3. Overcorrecting others
We all make mistakes, and if we notice them, there’s no problem in gently correcting them. But if you turn your conversation into a master class and constantly correct your interlocutor, you will be, literally, unbearable. This habit shows that you are incapable of silencing your ego and may even indicate that you want to impose your vision of things. Your interlocutor might even think you are practicing intellectual intimidation.
Remember that people often just need someone who is willing to listen, not judge them. Therefore, it is advisable to ask yourself if these corrections are really necessary and can add any value to the person you are speaking with, or if you are just driven by a desire to appear superior or to try to impose your truth. Don’t forget that sometimes it is preferable to maintain peace and harmony than to be right. Seneca, as he said: “It is as important to know when to speak as to know when to remain silent.”
4. Constantly interrupting
When we’re having a conversation, we like to be heard. However, constantly interrupting your interlocutor can be extremely annoying, as well as rude. The habit of finishing others’ sentences can be very annoying, so it’s best to be patient and wait your turn. Another incredibly annoying communicative habit is interrupting someone before they finish arguing an idea in order to refute it with your own arguments.
This habit indicates that you’re not really listening to them, and you probably don’t care what they’re saying either; you’re only focused on “winning” the argument, imposing your ideas without listening to theirs. If you often make this mistake, keep in mind Plato’s words: “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have something to say.”
5. Going around in circles
There are people who get stuck on a topic of conversation, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t get them out of it. Even if you change the conversation, they always return to the same point, as if it were a broken record or the never-ending story. There’s no doubt that there are exciting topics that you could talk about for hours, things that worry you and you’d like to vent, or additional details you’d like to add to the conversation, but one of the keys to being a good communicator is adapting to the pace of the conversation.
If you keep going back to the same topic, you’ll end up being annoying, forcing your interlocutor to focus their attention on a topic that probably doesn’t interest them or find as meaningful as you do. Therefore, sometimes you just have to let go.
6. Ending statements as if they were a question
In the English-speaking world, this habit is known as “uptalk ,” and it refers to ending a statement with a rising inflection that makes it sound like a question. This phenomenon, which linguists first classified in the 1970s, is now reaching epidemic levels among younger generations and can be very annoying. First, psychologists indicate that it denotes insecurity in speech and undermines the foundations of effective conversation. Second, ending sentences as if they were a question confuses the other person, who doesn’t understand whether you are stating or asking something.
Obviously, this communicative habit can lead to chaotic discourse marked by misunderstandings. Therefore, make sure that your statements are really statements and your questions are questions. It’s not that difficult.
7. Criticizing the speaker instead of the idea
This is a very subtle line that virtually all of us have crossed without realizing it. However, the habit of attacking your interlocutor, rather than the idea, will make you difficult to deal with. In practice, instead of arguing against the idea, you’re actually trying to discredit the person. If you do this often, you mustn’t forget that in all communication, what we exchange are opinions, and therefore, there’s no need to criticize the person by making value judgments about them.
This will only make them feel uncomfortable and adopt a defensive attitude. As Hess points out, “By criticizing the speaker instead of the idea, what we’re really doing is trying to discredit them to invalidate their idea, hoping our own will rise to the top.” This means we don’t really have any arguments.
Reference:
Tamir, D. I. & Mitchell, J. P. (2012) Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding. PNAS ; 109 (21): 8038-8043.
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