Be the best version of yourself, not a bad copy of someone else

“Always be a first-class version of yourself, rather than a second-class version of someone else,” said Judy Garland. The actress knew very well what she was talking about, since she was a star prefabricated by the major film studios, which imposed a strict discipline on her, not only in her professional life, but also in her private life.

Her advice should resonate more than ever in the age of influencers, where millions of young people – and others who are no longer so young – aim to follow in the footsteps of their idols, copying everything from their way of dressing and acting to their way of thinking.

The comparison trap

The tendency to copy others is not new. In fact, as social creatures we also learn by imitation. We learn by seeing how things are done and also by interacting with others. The experience of others helps us plan ahead to avoid painful mistakes.

In fact, according to Albert Bandura, the possibility of learning from each other allows us to make a significant qualitative leap in our skills or knowledge, without having to travel a long road marked by trial and error.

However, what happens when we try to be a copy of someone else instead of a genuine version of ourselves?

In psychology, this phenomenon is known as “mirror behavior” and refers to the tendency to imitate the others, often with the aim of fitting in with the group or feeling valued.

The problem is that with the spread of social media, a distorted mirror has been created through which we only see “perfect lives” and stratospheric achievements. Comparisons then become unavoidable and we can fall into the trap of wanting to be like those people.

The irony is that the harder we try to be like others, the more false we become. The more we try to imitate someone else, the further away we become from ourselves and the less satisfying our achievements will be.

By trying to fit into someone else’s mold, our identity becomes diluted and our security becomes shaky. We are also likely to end up feeling more empty and our lives losing meaning because pursuing someone else’s dreams does not provide us with the energy and motivation to stay on track.

How to develop your best version?

Breaking the cycle of imitation is not easy, especially in a society that increasingly defines success in terms of “likes” and followers, where there is a veritable showcase of “influencers on demand” with legions of acolytes. However, the real goal in life should be to become the best version of yourself.

Where to start?

1. Stop idealizing other people’s lives. Remember that social media doesn’t reflect reality as it is. Most people only show moments of success and happiness, which creates a distorted image of their lives. Hard work, failures, tears, and obstacles are not visible in photos or videos. Life really happens behind the camera, so don’t try to imitate anyone just because you think they’re happier or more successful than you.
2. Limit social exposure. Reduce the amount of time you spend on social media and carefully select the profiles you follow. Ideally, you should follow people who can really contribute something to you. Look for profiles with substance, rather than accounts filled with empty images. Stop using social media as a tool to kill time and start using it as a means to inform yourself and grow. The less time you spend exposed to these idealized role models, the less likely your mind will fall into the trap of imitation.
3. Don’t compare yourself. You don’t need to be better than anyone else. The only person you need to outdo is yourself. Every day, strive to learn something new or be a little better. Remember that “a tulip doesn’t try to impress anyone. It doesn’t try to be different from a rose. It doesn’t have to. It is different. There is room in the garden for every flower,” wrote Marianne Williamson.

Oscar Wilde advised “be yourself, the other places are taken.” This search for authenticity is probably the most exciting journey you can undertake in your life because it will not only lead you to a more mature version of yourself but also to a more meaningful existence.

1. Connect with your values. Values ​​are like an internal compass that helps you decide what is important to you, beyond fads or trends. That’s why it’s worth spending a little time clarifying your values, those ideas that you identify with and that really matter to you. It doesn’t matter if they don’t fit with the expectations of others or the culture, your values ​​are yours and they can guide you along the way, even when everything becomes chaotic and uncertain.
2. Pursue your own dreams. Find your interests and passions, the things that really move you and make you vibrate, the things that you never get bored of and that you completely immerse yourself in, to the point of forgetting about the world around you. When you pursue your dreams, you don’t have time to be dazzled by other people’s goals and trendy objectives.
3. Practice self-acceptance. Accepting your imperfections and treating yourself with kindness is essential throughout this journey of self-discovery. We all fail and make mistakes, that is part of the path. It is not about assuming a mediocre attitude, but about accepting that you do not have to be perfect to be valuable. Uniqueness lies precisely in that mix of mistakes and successes, weaknesses and strengths that exist within each person.

When you spend too much time comparing yourself or trying to live up to idealized versions of yourself, you stop cultivating what truly makes you unique. Carl Rogers believed that developing a genuine identity is essential to achieving well-being and personal satisfaction. When you don’t have a clear sense of who you are or what you want, you may end up pursuing goals and embracing values ​​that don’t belong to you, simply because they “seem” desirable or popular.

In the long term, a lack of authenticity can lead to identity problems, anxiety, and even an existential void, which comes from living a life disconnected from your true interests, dreams, illusions, and values.

Remember that you have not come to this world to satisfy others and conform to their way of seeing the world, but to develop your potential to the maximum and be the best version of yourself. Do not waste this opportunity by becoming a second-hand copy of someone else.