When you become immune to the opinions of the others, you will stop suffering unnecessarily

We live obsessed with what the others think of us. “What if they don’t like me? ” “What will they say if I do this? ” “I don’t want them to think I’m a failure.” We spend half our lives “editing” our personality as if it were a social media profile, seeking external validation and suffering every time someone criticizes us.

But the worst part is that most of the time, people aren’t even thinking about us.

Yes, you read that right. We think we’re the center of the universe when, in reality, others are too busy thinking about their own insecurities to give us more than five seconds of attention.

In psychology, this is called self-centered bias, and it leads us to think that others are looking out for us. This bias is what chains us to the fear of “what people will say,” as if our existence depended on the opinions of four strangers with too much free time (or four acquaintances – also with too much free time).

Why do we care so much about what others think?

The short answer: because our brains remain anchored in prehistory.

For thousands of years, being accepted by the tribe meant survival. If you were excluded, you were on the losing end: no food, no protection, and a direct ticket to becoming some predator’s dinner. Because of this, we developed a terrible fear of being rejected. Today, we no longer live in caves or have to worry about lions lurking, but our brains still function as if any criticism were a death sentence.

This fear translates into the famous negativity bias. We tend to focus more on the negative than the positive. It’s a kind of natural asymmetry in the way we process events and understand the world, which makes negative stimuli have a greater impact and provoke faster and more prominent responses than positive ones. This explains why if someone says something negative about you, their words constantly resonate in your head.

Of course, our ego also plays a key role. When someone criticizes us, we feel like they’re judging not just what we do, but who we are. The ego goes into defensive mode, amplifying the importance of those words and making us believe that their opinion has the power to define who we are.

All of this leads us to suffer needlessly because of the opinions of others, giving them disproportionate weight.

The freedom that comes from being immune to criticism

Being immune to the opinions of others doesn’t mean becoming a recluse or doing whatever you want without thinking about anyone else. Ultimately, living in society involves showing a certain degree of empathy and respect. Being immune to criticism means stopping suffering unnecessarily because of opinions that have no real impact on your life.

It means understanding that other people’s opinions are just that: opinions. They’re not facts, they’re not absolute truths, and they definitely don’t determine who you are.

How to start building that immunity?

1. Remember the 90/10 rule . 90% of the time, people are too busy with their own problems to pay much attention to you. And the remaining 10%, they’ll probably project their own fears and insecurities onto you.
2. Filter opinions carefully . Is the criticism coming from someone whose opinion you truly value? Or is it a random social media comment from someone with a cartoon character as their profile picture? Not all opinions deserve your attention and energy.
3. Accept that you can’t be liked by everyone . Even the most charismatic and admired people aren’t liked by everyone, especially in today’s polarized and sensitive society. If you try to please everyone, you’ll end up losing yourself.
4. Reframe your perspective : Every time someone criticizes you, ask yourself: Does that person pay my bills? Does they determine my happiness? Will they still be relevant five years from now? If the answer is no, their opinion probably isn’t that important.
5. Practice detachment . Don’t take other people’s opinions personally. Learn to drop your ego. This way, you’ll avoid getting angry, going around in circles, and ultimately suffering over something that isn’t worth it. Most of the time, criticism says more about them than it does about you.

When you stop giving so much weight to what others think, you not only free yourself from useless suffering, but you also find the freedom to be yourself. You no longer feel obligated to follow a script. You no longer worry about fitting into molds that don’t fit you. And, most importantly, you begin to live more lightly, guided by your inner voice.