Why should others change their beliefs, but not you?

You believe.

I believe.

They believe.

But we don’t all believe in the same things.

And if we are convinced that others can choose what they believe, we tend to blame them, especially when their ideas are not in line with ours, as a study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania found.

Furthermore, when we perceive that others have a great deal of control over their beliefs, we often develop unrealistic expectations about who should change their mind in the face of a disagreement, which often only serves to amplify the original conflict.

Doxastic control, the bias that no one wants to admit

The vast world of belief is permeated with attributions of control. People talk all the time about what they believe, what they choose to believe, and what they want to believe. All of these conjugations refer to the power we have over our beliefs, a concept that in psychology is called “doxastic control.”

We think that we can exercise voluntary control over what we believe; that is, that we freely decide to adopt our beliefs, a position commonly known as doxastic voluntarism.

However, a series of experiments conducted at Princeton University revealed that we are not entirely fair when it comes to assessing that level of control over what we believe: we tend to consider that others have much more control over their beliefs than we do.

The trap of double standards

These researchers looked at how people judge their own doxastic control and that of others. For example, participants were asked to report what they thought about issues related to God, genetically modified organisms, and the climate. They were then asked to read a series of statements to decide whether they would change their beliefs or maintain them. At the same time, they were asked to indicate the likelihood that another person would change their beliefs after reading the same information as them.

They found that we tend to think that others are more capable of voluntarily changing what they believe. In comparison, our ability to change what we believe is less. Why?

There are three reasons:

1. We tend to think that we have good reasons and solid arguments to believe something, which limits our ability to choose otherwise. In practice, we prefer to stick to what we know to avoid the cognitive dissonance that change would entail.
2. We fail to fully appreciate the complexity of others’ inner lives and the psychological barriers they face, from stress to fear, which prevents us from objectively assessing their ability to change beliefs.
3. We are victims of an “ information gap ” that creates a discrepancy between “actor” and “observer”; that is, we are aware of the reasons and limitations of our beliefs, but we do not know what leads other people to think certain things.

In short, we think our beliefs are well-founded and others’ beliefs are not. So we assume that they have more reasons and possibilities to change them.

However, this discrepancy in doxastic control often leads us to unfairly blame others for their beliefs, especially when they are different from our own. Indeed, attributing to others a high level of control over what they believe is a precondition for criticism and blame in everyday life.

In order to blame or criticize someone, we must first “prove” that they deserve it. Thinking that the other person doesn’t want to change their mind because they are stubborn – even though it would be relatively easy for them to do so – is a way of blaming them while, at the same time, absolving ourselves of the responsibility of changing our beliefs.

This asymmetry between how we perceive our control and that of others not only affects our daily interactions, but perpetuates conflicts and social divisions. By assuming that others cling to their beliefs out of stubbornness or lack of will, we place ourselves in a morally superior position that makes dialogue difficult.

Meanwhile, we justify our own beliefs as the result of solid and irrefutable reasoning, although we rarely question them with the same depth. This double standard not only hinders empathy, but also traps us in a bubble of complacency that feeds prejudices.

How to change beliefs and get out of that loop?

The first step to breaking that dynamic is to recognize that changing our minds isn’t easy – for us or for others. Accepting that truth will allow us to approach conversations with greater intellectual humility.

Instead of automatically blaming or criticizing someone for their beliefs, we can try to understand the experiences and emotions that underpin them. Just as we have our reasons, so do others, even if sometimes we don’t know them or even make the effort to understand them.

Adopting a curious and empathetic stance, rather than becoming defensive, will not only improve our relationships, but also open the door to learning. Ultimately, the key to navigating the complicated world of beliefs is to remember that they all have a source and a reason for being.

So the next time you encounter resistance in a conversation, ask yourself: Is it really the other person who doesn’t want to change, or am I forgetting that I find it difficult to change what I believe, too?

References:

Cusimano, C. & Goodwin. G. P. (2020) People judge others to have more voluntary control over beliefs than they themselves do. J Pers Soc Psychol; 119(5):999-1029.

Cusimano, C., & Goodwin, G. P. (2019) Lay beliefs about the controllability of everyday mental states. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General; 148: 1701–1732.