Child Empowerment, the negative consequences that no one talks about

Child empowerment is important and necessary. This positive parenting strategy fosters independence and self-confidence, helping children to defend themselves when necessary and giving them the security they need to face the challenges they will encounter. However, when applied incorrectly or excessively, it can have very negative consequences.

The culture of personal empowerment that has spread indiscriminately and thoughtlessly in recent years may have crossed its boundaries, to the point of generating more adverse effects than benefits, especially in childhood.

The basic error of current child empowerment

Empowerment refers to a process through which we strengthen our capabilities, confidence, vision and leadership as a social group to promote positive changes in the contexts in which we operate. In fact, this concept comes from the community sphere, based on the idea that people are not passive subjects who need to be defended by external entities, but are capable of taking control of their lives. 

However, children are not psychologically mature enough to take control of their lives, so child empowerment should actually be a process of preparing them to take on more and more responsibilities and develop the skills necessary to become the architects of their own decisions. If we don’t allow our 3-year-old to cross the street alone, why do we allow him to dictate the rules at home when he is only 5 years old?

When parents – and society – inappropriately empower children, they begin to perceive themselves as equal decision-makers, which creates a sense of entitlement. They are likely to want to always have their way and dictate the rules at home, challenging parental authority, which is essential to providing appropriate boundaries and a safety net. Indeed, children need clear boundaries to feel safe and make sense of their world.

Empowerment is not only about giving the power to decide, but also about educating children to assume responsibility for the consequences of those decisions. If parents give their children too much power, freeing them from the responsibilities that come with it, they will develop unrealistic expectations about their abilities and rights, which will end up causing difficulties in accepting the rules and will generate power struggles, frustration and probably conflicts in interpersonal relationships.

Inappropriate child empowerment has a ripple effect throughout life, manifesting itself later in school and other social settings. When misapplied, such children will have difficulty accepting the limits set by teachers and are likely to believe that they have more rights than their peers. It is no coincidence that a study conducted at Radboud University revealed that incorrectly empowering children can lead to behavioural problems.

In the long run, excessive child empowerment does not prepare children for adult life. On the contrary, it creates a breeding ground for conceit. It also affects their ability to deal with setbacks, rules and situations beyond their control, so they will not learn to deal with frustration and disappointment in an assertive and mature manner.

5 rules for empowering children without turning them into spoiled brats

Children’s rights are not up for debate. Nor is the need to empower children. A child who does not develop his or her autonomy and ability to decide becomes vulnerable on a personal and social level, unable to defend and assert his or her rights.

However, when child empowerment is not balanced with other values, such as justice or humility, it can produce very negative results that are far from what we want: a child who believes he or she has a right to everything, who then becomes an adult who expects to have a right to everything without assuming responsibility for anything.

As with everything in life, the key lies in balance, so parents who want to empower their children should start by:

1. Set clear boundaries. Rules need to be set to keep children safe and ensure family harmony. These rules should be few but sensible, so that they provide a guide and structure in which the child can explore safely and understand, at the same time, that there are laws and norms in society that must be followed to ensure harmony for all.
2. Encourage independence according to the level of maturity. Allow children to make their own decisions, always within the established limits, and according to the level of emotional and cognitive development they demonstrate. It is important that children perceive that they are gaining control and autonomy over their lives, but always within a framework of security defined by their ability to fully understand the consequences of their actions.
3. Develop a sense of responsibility. Children must understand that autonomy and freedom of choice entail responsibility. If they choose a toy, they cannot buy another one. If they hit another child, they must apologize. Empowerment goes hand in hand with the maturity to recognize mistakes and correct them. When this coupling does not occur, empowerment becomes an act of mere conceit.
4. Let them make mistakes. Empowering children is not about inflating their self-esteem so that they believe themselves to be little Supermans or Superwomen, but about teaching them to be strong in spite of everything. And to do this, it is necessary for them to fall and learn to get up. They must be given the opportunity to make mistakes, forget their homework, fail an exam… This way they will have the opportunity to experience those negative emotions and develop the resources to deal with them. That is what will give them bulletproof confidence in the future.
5. Help your child understand that everyone has rights. Parents need to understand that empowering children is not about satisfying all of their child’s demands or making them believe that they have a right to everything, but about helping them to satisfy those demands in a more appropriate way while respecting others. Children need to know that their freedom ends where the freedom of others begins.

In short, it is essential to teach children to stand up for their rights and be independent, but they must also understand that there are rules and regulations that must be followed for the good of everyone. True empowerment does not consist in thinking that we have more rights, but in gaining personal confidence to make better decisions – for ourselves and for everyone around us.

References:

Bates, D. (2024) The Dark Side of Empowering Your Child. In: Psychology Today.

Damen, H. et. Al. (2020) Parental Empowerment and Child Behavioral Problems in Single and Two-Parent Families During Family Treatment. J Child Fam Stud; 29: 2824–2835.

Wise, S. & Connolly, M. (2014) Using early childhood development research in child protection: Benefits, boundaries and blind spots. Developing Practice: The Child, Youth and Family Work Journal; 39: 15-28.

Silva, C. & Martínez, M. L. (2004) Empoderamiento: Proceso, Nivel y Contexto. Psykhe; 13(1): 29-39.

Koestner, R. et. Al. (1984) Setting limits on children’s behavior: The differential effects of controlling vs. informational styles on intrinsic motivation and creativity. Journal of Personality; 52(3): 233-248.