We live in a highly competitive society where it seems like nothing is enough, and we have the feeling that if we don’t get our act together, we’ll quickly fall behind, swept away by new developments.
It’s no surprise, then, that in recent decades many parents have embraced a parenting model based on hyperparenting, to the point of becoming helicopter parents. These are parents who want their children to be prepared for life, not in the broadest sense of the term, but in the narrowest sense: they want their children to have the knowledge and skills necessary to pursue a good career, get a good job, and earn enough.
These parents have set a goal for themselves: they want their children to be the best they can be. To achieve this, they don’t hesitate to enroll them in a variety of extracurricular activities, pave the way for them to unbelievable limits, and, of course, push them to succeed at any cost. And the worst part is that they believe they’re doing it “for their own good.”
The main problem with this educational model is that it puts unnecessary pressure on children, a pressure that ultimately robs them of their childhood and creates emotionally broken adults.
The dangers of pushing children to succeed
Under pressure, most children are obedient and can achieve the results their parents demand, but in the long run, this only limits their independent thinking and the skills that can lead them to real success. If we don’t give them the space and freedom to find their own path because we overwhelm them with expectations, children won’t be able to make their own decisions, experiment, and develop their identity.
Therefore, expecting children to be the best carries serious dangers:
– It creates unnecessary pressure that robs them of their childhood. Childhood is a period of learning, but also of joy and fun. Children should learn in a fun way; they should make mistakes, fool around, let their imaginations run wild, and spend time with other children. Expecting children to be “the best” in a certain field, placing unrealistic expectations on them, will only cause their fragile knees to buckle under the weight of unnecessary pressure. This approach to parenting ultimately robs them of their childhood.
– It causes a loss of intrinsic motivation and enjoyment. When parents focus more on results than effort, children will lose intrinsic motivation because they understand that the outcome matters more than the path they followed. This increases the likelihood of cheating at school, for example, since what they learn isn’t as important as the grade they get. Similarly, by focusing on results, they lose interest in the journey and lose enjoyment of it.
– It plants the seed of fear of failure. The fear of failure is one of the most limiting feelings we can experience. And this feeling is closely linked to our understanding of success. Therefore, pushing children to succeed from an early age often only serves to plant the seed of fear of failure in them. As a result, these children are likely not to become the independent, entrepreneurial adults their parents want, but rather people who play it safe and accept mediocrity simply because they are afraid of failing.
– It leads to a loss of self-esteem. Many of the most successful people, professionally speaking, are insecure about themselves. In fact, many supermodels, for example, have confessed that they think they are ugly or fat, when in reality they are beauty icons. This happens because the level of perfectionism they have always been subjected to makes them believe they will never be enough and that the slightest mistake is enough for others to despise them. Children who grow up with this idea become insecure adults with low self-esteem, who believe they are not good enough to be loved. As a result, they depend on the opinions of others.
What should a child really know?
Children don’t need to be the best, they just need to be happy. So, you just need to make sure your child knows:
– That he is loved, unconditionally and at all times, no matter what mistakes he makes.
– That he is safe, that you will protect him and support him whenever you can.
– That he can be silly, waste time fantasizing, and play with his friends.
– That she can choose what she loves most and pursue that passion, no matter what it is. That she can spend her free time making flower necklaces or painting six-legged cats if that’s what she feels like, instead of practicing phonetics or arithmetic.
– That he is a special and wonderful person, just like many other people in the world.
– That deserves respect and must respect the rights of others.
And what should parents not forget?
It is also essential for parents to know:
– That each child learns at their own pace, and that they should not confuse the stimulation they develop with the pressure that overwhelms them.
– That the factor that most influences children’s academic performance is parents reading to their children, spending time each night cultivating that passion for reading together, not expensive schools or hyper-technological toys.
– That the child who gets the best grades is almost never the happiest child because happiness is not measured in those terms.
– That children don’t need more toys, but rather a simpler, more carefree life, as well as more time with their parents.
– That children deserve the freedom to explore everything and decide for themselves what they like and what makes them happy.
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