We have all, at one time or another, assumed the role of victim. However, there are people who become permanent victims, suffering from what we could consider as “chronic victimhood”. These people disguise themselves as false victims, either consciously or unconsciously, to simulate a non-existent aggression and, in the process, blame others, freeing themselves of all responsibility.
In reality, chronic victimhood is not a pathology, but it could lead to a paranoid disorder, when the person insists on continually blaming others for the ills they suffer. In addition, this way of facing the world, in itself, leads to a pessimistic view of reality, which produces discomfort, both in the person who complains and in the person who receives the blame.
In many cases, the person who embraces chronic victimhood ends up nurturing very negative feelings, such as hatred and resentment, which lead to aggressive victimhood. This is the typical case of someone who does not limit himself to complaining but attacks and accuses others, showing himself to be intolerant and intransigent, and continually violating their rights as persons.
X-ray of a chronic victim
– They distort reality. These people firmly believe that the fault of others for what happens to them is never their own. In reality, the problem is that they have a distorted view of reality, they have an external locus of control, and they believe that both the positive and negative things that happen in their lives do not depend directly on their will, but on external circumstances. In addition, they overemphasize the negative aspects, developing an exacerbated pessimism that leads them to focus only on the negative things that happen to them, ignoring the positive ones.
– They find solace in complaining. These people believe that they are victims of others and circumstances, so they do not feel guilty or responsible for anything that happens to them. As a result, the only thing left for them to do is complain. In fact, they often find pleasure in the act of complaining because it helps them better assume their role as “poor victims” and attracts the attention of others. These people do not ask for help to solve their problems, they only complain about their misfortunes in the unbridled search for compassion and prominence.
– They constantly look for someone to blame. People who assume the role of eternal victims develop a suspicious attitude, and tend to believe that others always act in bad faith, just to trip them up. For this reason, they tend to have an almost morbid desire to discover trivial grievances, to feel discriminated against or mistreated, just to reaffirm their role as victims. Thus, they end up developing hypersensitivity and become specialists in creating a storm in a teacup.
– They are incapable of sincere self-criticism. These people are convinced that they are not to blame for anything, so there is nothing to criticize in their behavior. Since the responsibility lies with others, they do not accept constructive criticism, much less do they carry out a thorough examination of conscience that would lead them to change their attitude. For these people, the mistakes and defects of others are intolerable, while their own are a mere subtlety. After all, they are the victims.
What are the strategies of the victimizer?
For a person to be able to assume the role of victim, there must be someone to blame. Therefore, they must develop a series of strategies that allow them to get the other person to assume the blame in the matter. If we are not aware of these strategies, we are likely to fall into their trap and may even be willing to take all the blame on our own shoulders.
- Victim rhetoric
Basically, this person’s rhetoric is aimed at discrediting his opponent’s arguments. However, he does not actually refute his opponent’s claims with other, more valid arguments, but rather makes the other person unwittingly assume the role of the attacker.
How does he do it? He simply assumes the role of the victim in the discussion, so that the other person appears authoritarian, lacking empathy, or even aggressive. This is what is known in the field of argumentation as “centrist rhetoric,” since the person makes a point of showing his opponent as an extremist, instead of worrying about refuting his claims. In this way, any argument that his opponent puts forward will only be a demonstration of his bad faith.
For example, if a person dares to contrast a statement with an irrefutable fact or with statistics from reliable sources, the victim will not respond with facts but will say something like: “You are always attacking me, now you say I am lying” or “You are trying to impose your point of view, please apologize.”
- Victim withdrawal
In some cases, the victim’s discourse is aimed at avoiding responsibility and avoiding having to apologize or acknowledge his mistake. Therefore, he will try to escape from the situation. To achieve this, his strategy consists of discrediting the winner’s argument, but without actually admitting that he was wrong.
How does he do it? Once again, he assumes the role of victim, playing with the data at will and manipulating it to his convenience in order to sow confusion. Basically, this person will project his mistakes onto the other person.
For example, if a person responds with a proven fact that denies his previous statement, the victim will not acknowledge his mistake. If anything, he will try to make a dignified retreat and say something like: “That fact does not deny what I said. Please do not create more confusion and chaos ” or “You are blaming me for confusing others, you are uneducated, it is obviously useless to argue with you because you do not listen to reason”, when in reality the one who creates the confusion is himself.
- Emotional manipulation
One of the favorite strategies of chronic victims is emotional manipulation. When this person knows their interlocutor well enough, they will not hesitate to resort to emotional blackmail to put the tables in their favor and adopt the role of victim. In fact, these people are very skilled at recognizing emotions, so they use any trace of doubt or guilt to their advantage.
How do they do it? They discover their opponent’s weak point and exploit the empathy that he or she may feel. In this way, they end up enveloping him or her in their web, so that that person takes on all the responsibility and the role of executioner, while they remain comfortable in their role as victims and can continue complaining.
For example, a mother who does not want to acknowledge her mistakes may blame her child by saying things like: “I have done everything for you and this is how you repay me.” However, this type of manipulation is also very common in relationships between couples, friends and even in the workplace.
How to deal with this kind of people?
The first step is to realize that we are dealing with a person who is playing the victim. Then, it is a matter of resisting the attack and not letting them entangle us in their game. The most sensible thing to do is to tell them that we do not have time to listen to their complaints, that if they want help or a solution, we will be happy to help them, but that we are not willing to waste time and energy continually listening to their complaints.
Remember that the most important thing is that these people do not ruin your day by unloading their dose of negativity on you and, above all, that they do not make you feel guilty. Do not forget that only those to whom you give enough power can hurt you emotionally.
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