7 symptoms of emotional codependency in a couple that go unnoticed

Healthy relationships are built from mutual respect, but also based on interdependence. We need to find a balance between what we give and what we receive. However, the line between sacrifice and freedom is often too fine and easy to cross, leading to codependent interactions in which one person prioritizes the relationship or the well-being of the other so much that they forget to satisfy their own needs.

Of course, it is not always easy to detect emotional codependency, especially because it is assumed that in the closest relationships we must be willing to compromise and make concessions with an understanding and tolerant attitude, which leads us to prioritize the other. Therefore, it is important to “take the temperature” of the relationship from time to time in search of signs that indicate that we are developing a harmful emotional codependency.

What are the main symptoms of emotional codependency?

Emotional codependency often stems from past experiences, such as dysfunctional family relationships or emotional trauma. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards recovery to be able to establish healthier and more developing relationships, instead of staying trapped in toxic and limiting ones.

1. Fear of rejection. No one likes to feel left out or rejected. It is normal and perfectly understandable. However, we can usually deal with those experiences without turning them into a drama. On the other hand, if the idea of ​​rejection makes you afraid, it is likely that that emotion pushes you into a constant search for approval. This fear can make you go out of your way to please others, forgetting about yourself while developing a relationship of emotional codependency in which you will assume an increasingly submissive role.
2. Difficulty being alone. Some people enjoy solitude more than others. It’s undeniable. However, fear of loneliness is often at the root of dysfunctional codependent relationships. This fear usually comes from fear of abandonment or the need for external validation to achieve a sense of identity and self-esteem. If you don’t like being alone, you are likely to constantly seek company and cling to those relationships no matter what, even submitting to the desires of others.
3. Enabling behaviors. Codependency often leads to what is known as enablement, a phenomenon of unknowingly feeding another’s harmful behaviors. Fear of rejection, loneliness, or losing him can make you justify his actions, even those that harm you. You might rationalize his mistakes or minimize relationship problems to prevent him from getting upset, even going so far as to feel responsible for his emotions. The problem is that preventing that person from facing the consequences of their actions will hinder their personal growth and end up dynamiting the couple in the long term, so it is not the best way to go.
4. Problems setting limits. All relationships need boundaries, even the deepest and closest ones. Boundaries allow you to maintain your identity and freedom, which is why they are also essential in any healthy relationship. If you have trouble saying “no” or you constantly give in to other people’s demands, often sacrificing yourself, for fear of disappointing them, you are probably submitting too much. In the long run, this codependency will only generate a deep feeling of frustration and emptiness as your emotional needs will remain unsatisfied. Therefore, they are not the best solution if you want to lead a fuller and more satisfying life.
5. Loss of interest. A fairly common symptom of codependency is loss of interest. The dependent person dedicates himself so much to the relationship that he often neglects his inner world. As a result, it is likely that your life will end up revolving around each other, that you will forget about the interests, passions and hobbies that you previously enjoyed. Some people can even behave like “chameleons”; That is, they assume the interests of the other as their own, although they do not fully enjoy them, just to “fit” into that relationship.
6. Control attempts. Codependent relationships are often marked by a power imbalance. In some cases, the more dependent person attempts to control the other through subtle gestures, as a way to alleviate his or her own insecurities. You may secretly check your partner’s phone or try to emotionally manipulate them into giving in to your demands. This need for control usually ends up taking away the other’s psychological oxygen, thus eroding the relationship and trust.
7. Difficulty making decisions independently. Emotional codependency can manifest itself through an increasing difficulty in making decisions without consulting or excessively considering the opinion of the partner. Of course, in the context of a relationship, the opinion of the other is important, especially when the decision affects both of them. However, if you can’t make even the most trivial decision without your partner’s guidance or approval, it’s likely that you’ve developed an over-reliance on their judgment and need some space to rediscover yourself and gain trust in yourself.

In the long run, emotional codependency not only leads to loss of identity, frustration and resentment, but when it becomes chronic it ends up perpetuating a cycle of insecurity. The good news is that recognizing these patterns is the first step on the path to overcoming emotional dependency.