At the end, everything will be fine, and if that is not the case, it means that it is not yet the end
Sometimes we only need someone to support and comfort us, who tells us that everything will be fine. These words, almost magical, can lighten the burden of fear and eliminate worries, but above all give us the confidence we need to continue fighting.
They are not a pitiful lie, and they do not even mean closing your eyes on a difficult reality, but just connect emotionally with someone who can deliver the serenity and confidence we need at that time.
The fact that they tell us that everything will be good does not mean that there will be no problems, but that we have the ability to fight and overcome the obstacles we face. These words do not guarantee that we will be successful, but serve to strengthen our resilience when we need it most.
The fact that someone tells us that everything will be fine, it helps and much. When we are stuck in our mobile mental sands, it is important that someone remembers that everything goes by, takes us by the hand and promises to be at our side, no matter what happens. This gives us tranquility.
Science shows us why it is so important to trust in our ability to overcome the adversity
Psychologists at the University of California wondered whether the way to deal with an illness could influence its course. They worked with people who had been diagnosed with cancer and identified five types of coping: combative spirit, fatalism, despair/impotence, anxiety and negation.
So they found that when the initial clinical conditions were similar, people who faced the disease with impotence, despair and fatalism had a worse course than those who had a fighting spirit.
But the most interesting thing was that being aware of the past experiences helped them overcome the current difficulties. Those who had suffered a great trauma and passed it alone, were more likely to face adversity and find the tools needed to solve the problems, simply because they had more confidence in their ability to face life.
In other words, the greater are the sufferings of the past, the more likely we find the necessary force and the right attitude to overcome the adversity of the future. Ernest Hemingway had already said: “The world breaks everyone, and then many are strong at the broken places”.
Another very interesting series of experiments conducted at the University of Michigan shows that our ability to experience positive emotions is crucial to recover from adversity, not only psychologically but also physiologically. In fact, the positive emotions allow us to make sense of the negative events and help us to go on.
These psychologists warn that it is not about assuming a naive and excessive optimism. In fact, they observed that perceiving negative experiences as threats has positive effects as it requires us to face the circumstances quickly. However, if such negative perception is maintained for a long period of time, the effect is counterproductive.
This indicates that positive emotions, feelings of empowerment, and self-confidence are the fundamental pillars of resilience that help us get out of the toughest situations.
We need to lean on the others
Many personal growth gurus promote the idea that we need to develop our “self-sufficiency” skills so that we do not need the others. We are encouraged to develop resilience, self-restraint and a very strong personality so that we can overcome adversity alone.
It is certainly important to have these tools, but we can’t think that we will not need the support of the others, especially when things get complicated. It is also important to remember that very often, who thinks they do not need anything, does not even have anything to give.
The secret is to keep your balance and be aware that even if you are strong, you are not immune to suffering. The weary person is not the one who fights alone against the wind and the tide, but the one who can ask for help when he needs it. And in that case, a friendly hand and some comforting words can do miracles.
Sabater, V. (2017) A veces me gusta que alguien me diga que todo va a salir bien. En: Lamenteesmaravillosa.
Tugade, M. M. & Fredrickson, B. L. (2004) Resilient individuals use positive emotion to bounce back from negative emotional experiences. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; 86(2): 320-333.
Taylor, S. E.; Lichtman, R. R. & Wood, J. V. (1984) Attributions, beliefs about control and adjustment to breast cancer. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; 46: 489-502.