Happiness is not a goal, it is a way of life. However, we often see happiness as a goal, something we must achieve, a kind of package made up of certainties. So we try to find it in different places, sometimes by buying things, changing jobs or starting a new relationship. However, these are nothing more than intermediaries of happiness and often keep too much for themselves, leaving us with the crumbs. That is why, despite our efforts, happiness becomes elusive, it slips through our fingers.
In reality, the problem is that the goals we have set for ourselves, instead of bringing us closer to happiness, take us away from that state of satisfaction and tranquility that we are seeking. In fact, we often set goals that do not lead to emotional balance but destabilize us, forcing us to embark on a race that fills us with stress and dissatisfaction.
What are the behaviors, goals and dreams that sabotage happiness?
1. Trying to please everyone. Actor Bill Cosby once said: “I don’t know the secret of success, but I do know that the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” We live in a society and, as such, we must follow certain rules and be able to adapt to certain contexts, but that doesn’t mean that we should lose our identity and, above all, forget our dreams. At some point, you will encounter people on your path who do not share your values, opinions or worldview. You should not change to please them because you run the risk of losing yourself, of forgetting your direction.
2. Wanting a perfect life. Our expectations largely determine our level of satisfaction with what we have achieved. If we imagine that we need a perfect life to be happy, we will probably never experience happiness. Perfection should not be a requirement for happiness since it is only rarely achieved. However, if you adapt your expectations to reality, you will be able to enjoy the small moments much more and find happiness in them, even if things are not perfect. It is not about settling, but about adopting a more realistic perspective that opens up your universe of possibilities in the here and now.
3. Chasing wealth. Numerous studies have confirmed that money does not make you happy. Once your basic needs are met, wealth does not make the difference between happiness and unhappiness. In fact, it has been found that the mere mention of money makes you more tense and less likely to enjoy the things around you. Remember that wealth is no guarantee of happiness, but pursuing it at all costs is a guarantee of unhappiness.
4. Build your own kingdom. The size of the universe is greatly restricted when you place yourself at the center. Living selfishly, pretending to build a fiefdom around yourself, is not the best way to find satisfaction and happiness. In fact, it has been shown that one of the keys to being happy lies precisely in opening up to others, being generous and helping. In the act of helping others, one rediscovers the joy of living and the purpose of life. Therefore, every time you help someone, you will actually be increasing your own share of happiness.
5. Fight for recognition. We all need a certain degree of recognition, through which we strengthen our self-esteem and improve our self-concept. However, everything has a limit and seeking recognition at any cost only leads us to pursue the goals promoted by society, which usually do not coincide with ours or do not make us happy. Obtaining recognition gives us satisfaction, but seeking it makes us unhappy.
6. Pursuing pleasure. Some people confuse pleasure with happiness, and so they make the mistake of assuming hedonistic behaviors. However, although pleasure generates pleasant sensations and makes us feel good, it is not happiness; it does not bring us that state of well-being and tranquility that we need to achieve psychological balance. In fact, pleasure can become addictive, trapping us in a vicious circle in which we will need more and more to feel good. Obviously, it is not about denying pleasure, but about giving it its proper measure, without overemphasizing it.
7. Seek distraction. We don’t like boredom, we hate being bored. That’s why we tend to seek distractions. This is perfectly understandable since we need new stimuli to grow as people and develop our skills. However, everything has a limit. In this world oversaturated with information, these distractions can distance us from ourselves and from others. Seeking distractions is positive, but it is also essential to enjoy silence and know how to be alone with oneself. Distractions should help us grow, not impede our development by hiding our fears and insecurities.
Remember that happiness is something you choose every day, it is not a goal but a path.
