“Do not think it worthwhile to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light,” said Bertrand Russell. In the end, the truth often prevails, so why wait to tell it? Honesty saves us all time, trouble and misunderstandings.
The proper use of honesty and integrity makes clear what we allow and what we do not, what we think is right and what is not, as well as what we are willing to put up with and what we will not compromise on. Sincerity cleanses relationships and facilitates coexistence.
Hiding the truth comes at a high price
Honesty is seen as an admirable but uncomfortable value. Telling the truth, especially in tense or sensitive situations, can lead to anxiety, fear of rejection, or even conflict.
Educated to try to fit in and not bother others, we often resort to white lies as a life raft for fear of not being accepted or to avoid causing discomfort. In fact, sometimes we can even convince ourselves that these lies are justified to prevent the other person from suffering or to avoid a disagreement.
As a result, we may end up staying in relationships that have long since expired emotionally, just for fear of hurting the other person. Or we may support someone, even though we are aware that their decision is not the best one, simply because we do not want to dampen their hopes. We may also say what another person wants to hear, even if it is not entirely true, just to keep the peace.
In this way, every day we can find ourselves involved in many situations in which we apply half-honesty. However, half-truths end up becoming big lies. They are like masks that we put on, until we reach the point where we do not recognize ourselves when we look in the mirror.
Going through the world alienated will only generate inner dissatisfaction. Thinking one thing and saying another will end up distancing us from ourselves. And if we are not able to align our thoughts and desires with our words and actions, we will not be able to establish deep and meaningful relationships. In the long run, we will all be living in a big lie.
When half-truths – or half-lies – take hold, we simply waste time in our lives. As if it were a permanent masquerade ball, we fail to connect on a deep level because no one shows their true “self.” We thus run the risk of wasting our time with people we don’t really know and who don’t know us.
Sincerity begins with oneself
Science has shown that honesty takes time. In other words, in situations where we have something to gain or something to lose, our first impulse is to lie. We need to take a moment to reflect and stop that deceptive automatic response.
Many internal voices reinforce these impulses and feed our fears. All these psychological narratives – from fear of rejection to worrying about what others think of you or even fear of confrontation – are the first barriers to overcome in order to be honest.
Therefore, if we want to be authentic – without falling into sincericide – we need to do an exercise of introspection to identify those obstacles that prevent us from speaking and acting honestly.
We must also be aware that we do not always have to meet the expectations of others. Mature and developing relationships are those in which expectations are made clear and needs are discussed and negotiated. When we lie to avoid disappointment, we betray ourselves.
With honesty as a banner
In a world where appearances prevail and half-truths are rampant, being honest can cause some shock or surprise. In fact, honesty can be uncomfortable at first.
Honesty is an emotional investment that, while it may have an “initial cost” (i.e. a disagreement or a difficult conversation), in the long term it saves us the effort of maintaining fictitious narratives and having to deal with the side effects of not having been clear from the beginning. Just imagine those misunderstandings that we could have avoided with a simple “this is what I think ” or “this is how I feel ”.
However, in the long run it is worth it because we simplify our lives and those of others, creating a virtuous circle in which everyone feels more comfortable expressing themselves as they are. The truth creates more realistic and meaningful scenarios to strengthen ties with those who really matter.
As we become more honest, our actions will be less and less dictated by the desire to gain the approval of others. When we begin to live more honestly, we open up the possibility for those around us to do the same. After all, what more worthy goal is there than beginning to lead an outer life that is totally in tune with our inner life?
References:
Rosenbaum, M. et. Al. (2014) Let’s be honest: A review of experimental evidence of honesty and truth-telling. Journal of Economic Psychology; 45: 181-196.
Shalvi, S. et. Al. (2012) Honesty Requires Time (and Lack of Justifications). Psychological Science; 23(10): 10.1177.
Leave a Reply