There are people more resistant to change than others but, in general, the vast majority of us are not big fans of transformations. It is difficult for us to get used to the change of season, the change of time or the change in diet. Not to mention the most important changes, at work or in family dynamics.
When we perceive that the transformation is too strong, we put up a fight and what is known in Psychology as resistance to change begins. Basically, it is a mechanism by which we intend to keep things working as before. However, when conditions change, this resistance only serves to exhaust us, both physically and mentally. The good news is that it is not necessary to go that far: it is possible to avoid resistance to change, long before it is established.
Five steps to accept changes
1. Imagine the worst possible scenario
Expectations are not good advisors, especially if they are unrealistic. Therefore, when you have to face a change, do not tell yourself phrases like “it’s nothing, it will be easy to face it”, because it probably won’t be like that.
Instead, imagine the worst possible scenario. Give free rein to your catastrophic thinking for a few minutes, when you come to reality, you will realize that everything was not as bad as you assumed. In fact, a study has shown that we tend to exacerbate the emotional consequences of negative events while minimizing the positive aspects.
With this trick you will be able to balance your expectations and the change will be less overwhelming than you assumed, which will generate less resistance.
2. Raise awareness of emotional resistance
One of the main problems that our society has generated is the repression of emotions. We are not supposed to feel anger, rage or sadness, we are supposed to always be in a good mood and available. This causes us to repress our emotions and refuse to identify them. However, just because we don’t give them a name doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
To avoid resistance to change, it is important to learn to recognize what we feel. It is normal that during the first few days we experience some discomfort and feel helpless or upset. They are perfectly understandable reactions to a change. If you hide them, you will only encourage resistance to change, but if you accept them, you will be able to turn the page more quickly and adapt to new circumstances.
3. Change your thoughts
During the first phases it is normal that you have doubts. It’s like when we jump into a pool of cold water, the change is so strong that we wonder what we are doing there and we will even tend to get out. However, if you stay and overcome that initial resistance, you will feel more comfortable after a while. It’s not that the water is hotter but that you have gotten used to it.
To avoid resistance to change, it is not enough to recognize your emotions, it is important that you be aware of your thoughts. For example, instead of thinking: “I want to escape, I don’t like this situation,” you can think: “I’m scared because it’s a new situation but over time I’ll get used to it.” Remember that your thoughts exert a powerful influence on your emotions, so it is important that you adopt more serene ideas that are in line with reality.
4. Explore new circumstances
Often resistance to change is established because we have pre-established patterns that we do not want to change but we do not even know well what the new situation consists of. Therefore, an excellent way to avoid resistance to change is to experience new circumstances little by little. Try to face them with the attitude of a small child: with curiosity and without prejudice. If you need it, do not hesitate to lean on people who have already experienced the same situation, ask them what they did and what strategies were most useful to them.
5. Focus on the positive aspects
Every situation has positive and negative aspects. When we are blinded by emotions, we are not able to see both sides, but it is essential that you learn to focus on the positive factors of change. If necessary, list them. Very soon you will realize that there is some opportunity to grow.
References:
Di Fabio, et. Al. (2014) Emotional Intelligence or Personality in Resistance to Change? Empirical Results in an Italian Health Care Context. Journal of Employment Counseling; 51(4): 146-157.
Oreg, S. (2003) Resistance to change: Developing an individual differences measure. Journal of Applied Psychology; 88(4): 680–693.
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