Are we becoming more intolerant or are people becoming more rude?

From the kid who kicks the back of your airplane seat like he’s Bruce Lee to the driver who practically pushes you out of the lane because he thinks he’s the only one on the road, not to mention the neighbor who’s louder than a rock band just when everyone should be sleeping.

Sometimes it feels like courtesy, good manners, and respect for others have gone out of fashion.

On the other hand, we also encounter increasingly irritable people. People who react to everything. People you don’t know what to say or do with because they turn a small gesture, a delay, or a comment into a drama of Shakespearean proportions.

Are we all more sensitive, or is it simply that manners are dying out, and that’s why everything makes us uncomfortable?

Maybe both.

Overstimulation kills tolerance

Tolerance isn’t just about accepting those who think differently. It’s about having the emotional capacity to live with things that make us uncomfortable and that distance us from our way of seeing or doing things. Tolerance is about living with that neighbor who drags their chair on your head, the friend who arrives late, or the mother-in-law who doesn’t hold back her opinions.

However, when we are stressed, overloaded, or emotionally saturated, our tolerance limits decrease.

The problem is that we live in a hyperconnected, fast-paced, and hyper-demanding world. We’re bombarded by notifications, obligations, bad news, and polarizing discourse. We sleep little, work too much, and rest poorly. And even if we don’t notice it, this builds up in the form of tension and discomfort.

In this breeding ground, a strange look or an unkind phrase can become the spark that lights the fuse. What we once ignored now feels like a personal attack. What didn’t bother us before now drives us crazy.

Tolerance isn’t reduced because we’re worse people, but because we live with our patience stretched to the limit. When our “emotional reserves” are at their lowest, we become less flexible, less patient, and more reactive.

In other words: it’s not that the world has become filled with intolerant people, but rather that we all have a fairly low tolerance threshold.

And what about good manners? Has it disappeared?

However, it would be unfair to blame the lack of tolerance entirely. There’s another reality that’s also worth facing head-on: basic manners are in decline or disappearing altogether. And it’s no coincidence.

For years, we’ve confused respectful parenting with the absence of rules. Some parents, for fear of traumatizing their children, don’t correct or guide them. They believe setting limits is authoritarian, when in reality, it’s a way of teaching respect.

The result is a generation of children, adolescents, and young adults who behave as if everyone owes them something… while the adults around them smile uncomfortably and whisper, “She’s got a lot of character.” Or they simply assume that because they’re children or are going through a “difficult time,” we should all put up with their poor manners.

But it doesn’t just happen in childhood. The adult picture isn’t very comforting either. Just imagine that neighbor who keeps blasting music at two in the morning or the driver who double-parks, blocking all traffic.

In these cases, getting angry doesn’t mean we need impulse control therapy; it means that inconsideration has become normalized and that society urgently needs respect and basic education.

Good manners shouldn’t be an exception, nor a rarity we should be grateful for as if it were a heroic gesture. They should be the minimum foundation on which to build coexistence. That also includes tolerance. Of course. But as long as it doesn’t violate our assertive rights.

We must not fall into the trap of those who preach tolerance precisely so that others will tolerate their rudeness. As if respect were a unilateral obligation. As if everyone had to adapt to their sensitive ego.

There are those who believe that having an opinion gives them the right to express it in any context, without regard for how or why. Too often, tactlessness and gratuitous bluntness are justified by sincerity or authenticity. It’s said that “one has the right to say what one thinks,” but we forget that we also have the duty to think before speaking.

How to navigate this world of sharp edges?

If you feel like living together has become more tense, complicated, and almost impossible lately, you’re not alone. But that doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to living like this.

• Don’t take everything too personally. I know it’s easier said than done, but when you do, you avoid a lot of unnecessary worry and annoyance. Remember that most people aren’t acting against you, but rather out of their own discomfort. Sometimes, the person who doesn’t say hello is having a bad day – or a bad life. It’s not an excuse, but it gives you context so you don’t take it as a personal attack and avoid ruining your day.
• Be part of the change you want to see. “Be the change you want to see in the world,” said Mahatma Gandhi. And while it may seem like advice straight out of an outdated self-help manual, the truth is that respect breeds respect. A simple “thank you” or a smile can change the energy of a room. Don’t underestimate the power of small gestures. Just because others are rude, inconsiderate, or disrespectful doesn’t mean you should replicate those behaviors.
• Adjust your tolerance level. Let’s be clear: tolerance isn’t about putting up with the unbearable. You aren’t a better person because you let others walk all over you or ignore you. Tolerance is consciously choosing which battles are worth fighting… and which aren’t. Tolerance is learning to let go of what doesn’t concern you or isn’t worth your attention or energy. This will allow you to live in peace, without waging daily crusades against the world.

So, are we more intolerant or are people more rude? Probably a bit of both. We live in a fast-paced, emotionally drained, and culturally divided society. But there are also more and more people who believe they are the only ones in the world, demanding a tolerance they are unable to reciprocate.

We don’t have to choose sides, but rather understand the phenomenon: understand how it affects us, how we perpetuate it, and, above all, how we can contribute a little more humanity and common sense amidst this chaos. You may not be able to change the world, but you will certainly live an infinitely more peaceful and serene life.