Do you have clothes in your closet that you haven’t worn in years? Or perhaps an unopened box from your last move? Or maybe you’re keeping gifts you’ve never liked? All those objects you keep but never use tell a much deeper psychological story.
Ultimately, our possessions are not mere objects; we attribute meanings to them, and they are linked to memories and emotions, so in many cases they even form part of what is called the “extended self.” According to Russell Belk, our identity is not limited to our body or our mind; it also extends to some possessions. Therefore, all those things you keep “just in case” can offer clues about your fears, attachments, or even certain things you refuse to acknowledge.
1. Clothes you no longer wear, synonymous with a past identity
We all have some item of clothing that’s been taking up valuable space in our closets for years. It might be a pair of trousers from when we were 20, a completely faded college t-shirt, a formal suit we haven’t worn in ages… Basically, clothes from a time when we were quite different.
Why is it so hard to let go of it?
In many cases, it’s not just about storing clothes; it’s about preserving an identity. Those clothes represent a version of ourselves that was perhaps happy, successful, thinner, younger, or simply different. Therefore, getting rid of them can unconsciously feel like giving up on that part of our history.
However, emotional maturity involves accepting that not all versions of ourselves have to stay with us forever. Some have simply served their purpose and no longer serve us. Therefore, if a garment no longer reflects who you are or where you’re headed, perhaps it’s time to let someone else give it a new life.
2. The books you never read, the representation of the person you wanted to be
Bookshelves tell stories too. There are books we buy with great enthusiasm and read and reread. Others we also buy with great enthusiasm, but never get past the third page. It might be a philosophy classic, a Japanese language learning manual, a self-help book, or even a trendy novel that never quite clicked with us.
All those books we don’t read, but don’t throw away either, represent the person we’d like to be. We buy them driven more by aspiration than by genuine interest. Perhaps at one time we were excited by the idea of learning Japanese or reading Jung to confront our inner demons, but that interest quickly faded, and the books remain as silent witnesses to what never was.
The problem is that throwing them away would mean, on the one hand, admitting we’ve made a bad investment and, on the other, giving up on that deeper, more curious, knowledgeable, or idealized version of ourselves. That explains why the books you never read keep gathering dust on your bookshelf.
If this is your case, the best exercise you can do is to ask yourself honestly: do I still want to read them or do I just want to think that I will read them someday?
3. Gifts you don’t like, the emblem of guilt
It seems contradictory, but the hardest things to get rid of are often the ones we never wanted. It could be a vase that clashes with our decor, a mug we only use when the person who gave it to us visits, or a Christmas sweater we never even wear at Christmas.
Why are they still there?
The answer is simple: many people associate keeping a gift with affection. They believe that getting rid of the object is a kind of betrayal or a sign of ingratitude. As a result, they end up turning their home into a storage space for objects they neither enjoy nor use.
Holding onto something solely out of fear of disappointing someone else can also be a silent way of constantly putting other people’s needs before your own, or an expression of extreme loyalty.
Obviously, it’s not about being ungrateful, but neither is it about cluttering up your home with gifts that aren’t useful or representative of you. In those cases, giving them a second life by donating them is usually the best option.
4. Duplicate objects, an expression of fear of scarcity
Two flashlights. Three coffee makers. Four chargers. Three pairs of scissors… All “just in case.” Many people accumulate objects or don’t dare throw away what they have, even if it’s old and practically unusable, because they’re convinced that one day it will be essential.
In a way, it’s normal behavior, since our brains are designed to anticipate risks and avoid running out of resources. However, when hoarding becomes a permanent security strategy, it may reflect a deeper fear: the feeling that the future is unpredictable and that we won’t have enough resources to cope.
This pattern is common after periods of economic uncertainty or in people who have experienced scarcity. Obviously, this doesn’t mean eliminating any reasonable reserves, but it’s important to distinguish between useful foresight and fear-driven stockpiling because the latter can even lead to compulsive hoarding.
5. The boxes that have been closed for years, a symbol of frozen decisions
Do you still have unopened boxes from your last move gathering dust in a basement or attic? It’s more common than you might think, and it’s not always due to laziness, procrastination, or lack of time. In reality, those boxes might hold unresolved decisions.
They might contain projects we never started, materials for a hobby we abandoned long ago, or mementos from a period of our lives we’re unsure whether to keep or let go of. The curious thing is that as long as the box remains closed, all those possibilities remain alive (at least in our minds).
On the other hand, opening it up forces us to decide the fate of those things. And deciding always involves giving up something that perhaps once excited us or that we are still unable to let go of. That’s why many people prefer to keep those possibilities suspended, instead of facing reality.
However, putting off those decisions only drains mental energy because, even if you don’t think about them daily, the choices you don’t make remain active in your subconscious, creating tension. That’s why it’s usually best to give yourself a deadline to decide what to do about them. In the end, you’ll feel lighter.
What if change started by emptying a drawer?
We usually think we should heal or move on before tidying our homes and getting rid of things, but sometimes it’s the other way around. Studies show that excessive visual clutter increases cognitive load, hinders concentration, and even increases the subjective feeling of stress.
When we reduce that “ambient noise,” we can experience a greater sense of control and mental clarity. Obviously, that doesn’t mean emptying a closet will solve our emotional problems, but it can be a small, symbolic act of change.
Every object we decide to keep should answer the question: “Can this continue to be part of the life I want to build?” Similarly, the objects we might get rid of represent a part of ourselves we no longer need or a piece of our life story that has been left behind.
Perhaps that’s why so many people experience an unexpected sense of relief after emptying a closet or a room. They’re not simply throwing things away, but letting go of expectations, guilt, fears, or identities that have been occupying mental space for too long. Because, ultimately, our house and our identity are in constant dialogue.
References:
Woody, S. R. et. Al. (2021) Effect of environmental clutter on attention performance in hoarding. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders; 31: 100690.
Belk, R. W. (1989) Extended Self and Extending Paradigmatic Perspective. Journal of Consumer Research; 16(1): 129-132.
Leave a Reply