We all want to be happy, but the paths to achieving it differ. Some seek experiences, others stability, and still others success, love, or peace of mind. Some believe happiness lies in traveling more, earning more money, or finding the “right” person. Others find it in a cup of coffee on a Sunday morning or in a conversation that makes them feel connected.
However, behind all of that there is a shared idea: being happy consists of feeling good.
That makes sense. After all, for a long time we’ve thought of happiness almost like an emotional bank account, so if we accumulate enough positive emotions (joy, pleasure, enthusiasm, calm) and reduce the negative ones (sadness, fear, frustration), we should feel happy.
However, new research suggests that we may have been looking at happiness from too narrow an angle. Perhaps it’s not just how we feel that matters, but something even deeper: the extent to which we truly own our lives.
The million-dollar question: What makes us happy?
For centuries, happiness has been something of a puzzle. From ancient philosophy to modern psychology, we have tried to answer the same question: what makes us happy?
Traditionally, there have been two main ways of approaching this issue:
- From a hedonistic perspective, according to which, to feel happy and lead a good life, it is important to experience more pleasure and less pain.
- From a broader perspective related to human flourishing, happiness doesn’t depend solely on experiencing pleasant emotions; it also includes maintaining meaningful relationships, developing our abilities, growing as individuals, and living purposefully in accordance with our values.
Researchers at the University of Toronto have challenged both approaches and gone a step further by analyzing what happens when people stop to think about whether they are happy and satisfied with their lives. What weighs more heavily in that judgment? Emotions? A sense of purpose? Or something entirely different?
To answer these questions, researchers analyzed data from more than 1,200 adults in Canada and the United Kingdom. They assessed their positive and negative emotions, their level of life satisfaction, and three fundamental psychological needs:
- Autonomy: feeling that you can make your own decisions.
- Competence: to perceive yourself as an effective and capable person.
- Bond or connection: feeling closeness with others.
They then used statistical models to understand which factors best explained happiness and life satisfaction. The results confirmed that positive emotions matter. In other words, feeling good is still important.
But that’s not enough.
Autonomy, that feeling of freedom to decide the course of your life, was an even stronger predictor of happiness and life satisfaction. Even when considering pleasant emotions, people who felt freer also reported being happier and more satisfied with their lives.
In contrast, a sense of competence and relationships only seemed to contribute to well-being and happiness insofar as they influenced emotional state. Autonomy, on the other hand, offered something unique that emotions alone could not explain. And that significantly changes how we understand (and seek) happiness.
We don’t just want to feel good, we want to feel like we are in control of our lives
Imagine someone else organizing everything for you. Your schedule. Your decisions. Your goals. Your activities… In theory, it could make your life easier, but sooner or later an uncomfortable feeling will likely arise, a kind of emptiness that’s hard to explain.
Because as human beings, we don’t just need comfort; we also need to feel like we have choices and that we are in control of our lives. That explains why a person can have a stable job, sufficient income, and few objective difficulties, yet still feel profoundly unhappy.
It also explains why someone can go through a difficult period involving increased stress, uncertainty, or effort and still feel happy and deeply vital. In that case, despite all the setbacks, they perceive that they are moving in a direction they have consciously chosen.
The psychological difference is enormous because living a comfortable life is not the same as living your own life. Obviously, freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever you want. Psychological autonomy doesn’t imply the absence of responsibilities, ignoring rules, or living without commitments. It means feeling that the important decisions you make align with your values and bring you closer to where you want to be or the person you want to become.
Perhaps happiness is less an emotion and more a direction
Historically, happiness has been sold to us as a semi-permanent emotional state, but perhaps it has less to do with feeling good all the time and more to do with the perception that one is in control of one’s life.
Because in life, there will be bad days, days of weariness when anxiety, frustration, or sadness take up too much space. But even so, if we feel we are moving in the direction we have chosen, we can better cope with those emotions.
Therefore, perhaps the most important question is not: “What makes me happy?” but rather: “Am I living a life that I truly feel is my own?”
Sometimes, the difference between surviving and feeling fully alive begins precisely with that response.
Source:
Payne, J. W. & Schimmack, U. (2026) Beyond hedonism: life satisfaction requires autonomy independent of affect. The Journal of Positive Psychology; 1–10.
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