We are a faithful reflection of our society. Whether we like it or not, the world around us influences our decisions, behaviors, value systems, and even the emotions we experience. We cannot ignore the society we live in, so, in one way or another, the established ways of relating to one another end up taking their toll on us. Whether we like it or not, we are children of our time.
Polish philosopher and sociologist Zygmunt Bauman asserts that our era is characterized by “liquid relationships,” the very fragile bonds we establish with the people around us.
Liquid relationships can be seen in all spheres of life, both within relationships and in friendships and families. Their common thread is fragility, which prevents them from lasting over time. Like water, these ephemeral bonds momentarily occupy a space in our lives but slip away as quickly as they once flooded our existence. These relationships disappear through the cracks of infidelity, conflict, or under the guise of freedom.
Liquid relationships are always “taking on water.” However, they don’t disappear without first splashing or even soaking their protagonists, who become shipwrecked in a pit of loneliness.
This is undoubtedly a very sad reality because, deep down, it means that we are alone.
Why do liquid relationships develop?
This fragility is rooted in immediacy and the desire to have needs met without delay. Once we’re satisfied, we simply move on to something else and discard the object, or even the person. In fact, many fear the idea of ”forever”; it’s an expectation and a responsibility they don’t want to awaken, much less shoulder.
This way of relating, according to Bauman, stems from “liquid modernity.” In practice, we are forced to integrate and adapt to a rapidly changing society, which demands a flexible and versatile identity that allows us to cope with these transformations. As a result, we develop a “liquid identity,” which Bauman compares to a volcanic crust. This identity hardens on the outside, but when it melts, it changes shape again. From the outside, it appears stable, but from within, the person experiences great fragility and constant tearing.
When society pushes us to constantly change and adapt to very different contexts, it prevents us from establishing strong relationships over time, relationships in which we connect through our essence, beyond immediate needs.
Of course, technology also influences and determines the pattern of relationships. Many young people, lacking solid, deep relationships, seek relief in quantity, in the number of followers on social media, and the speed with which their messages spread. These are young people who want to go through life light on baggage, and for them, that means not making commitments. Therefore, they are unable to establish strong bonds but rather quickly change friends and partners, while losing their ties to family.
People in loose relationships have given up on long-term life planning and experience profound emotional detachment. Society has demanded enormous flexibility, fragmentation, and compartmentalization of interests and emotions. To succeed, they must be willing to change tactics and abandon commitments and loyalties. This has given rise to the idea that it’s better to break away quickly because feelings can create dependency. We must cultivate the art of ending relationships before it’s too late.
As a result, more than “relationships,” they form “connections.” These people connect for a while with a partner or friend, but without delving deeper into their essence or making a commitment.
How to break the pattern of liquid relationships?
It’s difficult to be different in a fluid modernity. However, while you can’t change the world, you can change your immediate surroundings and build relationships that endure and truly fulfill you.
The first step to breaking the pattern of fluid relationships is solidifying our identity. It’s not about becoming rigid, but about connecting with our deepest selves to truly understand what we want and need. Only when we know ourselves can we become authentic and connect with others from our core. This shows and helps build stronger relationships.
The second step is to change your perspective. It’s not about how many partners you’ve had or how many “friends” you have, but rather the quality of those relationships. Do they truly fulfill you, or does each relationship only contribute to leaving a huge void behind? It’s better to have a small circle of people who are truly willing to help you when you need it than to know hundreds of people who think you’re expendable.
The third and final step is learning to commit and accepting, once and for all, that to get something, we must risk and be willing to give something up. Relationships are a balm in difficult times, but we must be willing to heal the other person’s wounds. In fact, remember that we shouldn’t worry about what we get, but rather what we give.
References:
Bauman, Z. (2007) Liquid Fear. Contemporary Society and Its Fears. Barcelona: Paidos.
Bauman, Z. (2005) Liquid Love. On the Fragility of Human Bonds . Spain: Fondo de Cultura Económica of Spain.
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