At some point in our lives, we have all felt jealousy, which may have been more or less intense. Although we normally think of jealousy of our partner, we can also feel jealous of friends or siblings. Basically, jealousy is a mixture of lack of trust in others and lack of confidence in ourselves.
Of course, it is one thing to feel jealous in a specific circumstance and quite another to behave like a jealous person for much of the time. In these cases, jealousy is extremely harmful, both for those who experience it and for those who receive it. When we fall into pathological jealousy, the relationship suffers since one of the two feels suffocated, feels that his or her freedom has been taken away and will probably fight to get it back, even if that means ending the relationship.
What is the underlying mechanism of jealousy?
Regardless of the intensity and frequency of jealousy, the motivations that lead us to be jealous of a person are always the same: great distrust and insecurity. This is the common psychological basis for all jealousy, although it is not always very easy to verify its presence, especially when certain circumstances give rise to jealousy.
In fact, jealousy usually arises from a particular situation that acts as a trigger for feelings of distrust and insecurity. From that point on, confidence in our abilities and in the possibility of being “deserving” of the other person’s affection begins to crack to the point that we come to believe that we do not deserve to be loved.
Thus begins a vicious circle in which, the more distrustful we feel, the more our feeling of abandonment increases and, in turn, our jealousy towards that person increases. Obviously, if we add to this that there are those who think that the other person is their property, then we can understand that we have a time bomb in our hands, ready to explode at any moment and for any excuse.
The most common types of jealousy
1. Childish jealousy
They are those that appear in childhood and are mainly directed at siblings and parents. Generally, they appear as consequences of inadequate education styles, such as when children are made to believe that only they are worthy of affection, gifts and attention… from their parents, siblings or even friends. We must understand that young children believe that they are the center of the universe, they have an egocentric vision of the world, so the parents’ task is to make them see the need to share and put themselves in the shoes of others. The good news is that in most cases, if properly managed, this type of jealousy tends to disappear over time.
2. Labor jealousy
They are those that arise at work and are generally related to efficiency and results in the professional field. In most cases they begin from simple “comparisons” with co-workers (based on their results or the treatment they receive) which, in turn, generate feelings of inferiority and insecurity. In general, if we cannot overcome them, this type of jealousy can make our lives very difficult, even affecting our relationships at work and our performance.
3. Amorous jealousy
It is the jealousy that occurs in a relationship and is linked to the probability of losing the affection and love that they profess to us. In most cases, this jealousy is related to a third person, who is then considered a “rival.” This type of jealousy appears as a result of a lack of trust and security in the partner and in ourselves. Generally, if trust in the partner cannot be regained, these feelings can degenerate and cause the relationship to break up.
