It is likely that you know of a case or that it has even happened to you: people who have lived with their partner for years and, at the same time, have another relationship. And they claim to love both equally. Is it possible to love two people at the same time or is it just a deception?
Separating emotions from social norms
In our culture, monogamous par excellence and by commandment of the Churches, it is frowned upon to have two relationships at the same time, even if it is not about infidelity. In fact, polygamy or polyamory, as it is also known, is not a widely accepted lifestyle. We have too many centuries of social rules and norms behind us to be able to get rid of them so easily.
Therefore, if from a young age we have been given the idea that we should only have one partner, we have also assumed that we can only love one person. However, many people come to psychology consultations distressed because they love two people and don’t know what to do. The curious thing is that these people do not always arrive carrying the burden of infidelity but rather they experience a conflict because society demands a decision that is impossible for them to make since their hearts are divided.
And in reality our heart, to use a euphemism, does not have a counter installed. We do not stop loving because we love a person. In fact, if we analyze it carefully, the only love that claims to be exclusive is that of a partner because the love of parents, children or animals is not. So, if we can love so many people, isn’t it possible to fall in love with two?
What really happens?
Numerous studies have revealed that when we fall in love, important changes occur in brain chemistry, changes that lead us to behave and feel differently and that can cause us to only have eyes for the person who is the object of our desire. However, this is the stage of falling in love, the initial phase where highly intense emotions prevail and discharges of adrenaline, dopamine and, above all, oxytocin, which is the attachment hormone, run through us.
However, after the stage of falling in love, these hormones return to their usual levels and we develop what is known as mature love, which is characterized by greater commitment and is through which the couple stabilizes their relationship.
Therefore, it is perfectly likely that we can feel in love with one person and mature love for another and if both relationships continue over time, we can come to love both in the same way, or at least in a similar way.
The key is not in love but in happiness
In reality, the key is not to ask if it is possible to love two people at the same time, but rather if this makes us happy and makes the partners happy. In the case of polyamory, when there is consent by all parties, happiness is possible. However, when there is infidelity or the person feels uncomfortable with this situation, due to their moral values, loving two people becomes a conflict that does not bring satisfaction or happiness.
