“The wise man thinks about his troubles only when there is some purpose in doing so; at other times he thinks about other things, or, if it is night, about nothing at all,” said Bertrand Russell, referring to that very human tendency to overthink and worry unnecessarily.
There is a crucial difference between reflecting and ruminating. Reflecting can help us understand, decide, and act. Ruminating keeps us going around in circles with the same problem, as if mentally shifting a worry from one place to another were a way to move forward.
And perhaps one of the smartest ways to deal with our problems is precisely to learn to distinguish between both phenomena so as not to get trapped in them.
Thinking is not synonymous with doing (although we sometimes confuse them)
When something worries us, the brain tends to revisit the issue repeatedly. This is understandable. If there’s a threat, a pending decision, or something we don’t know how to resolve, keeping it active in our minds is a natural strategy for finding a solution.
The problem arises when thought stops producing new information and starts to loop with the same data and the same concerns.
You can spend half an hour analyzing how to approach a difficult conversation and arrive at a useful conclusion. But you could also spend two hours mentally reconstructing what you said yesterday, imagining what the other person might say in response, and anticipating ten different scenarios without getting anywhere near a decent solution.
At that point, thinking is no longer a tool, but a repetitive action. Therefore, we should ask ourselves if thinking is producing any results.
If you’re making a decision, weighing options, learning from a mistake, or preparing for a conversation, probably yes. But if you’re simply replaying the same scene with slight variations, probably no.
Worry, a trap that makes us feel busy
One of the reasons it’s so difficult to stop thinking is that worry tricks us into believing we’re actively engaged. When we’re preoccupied, it feels like we’re actually doing something to solve the problem. We’re not just sitting back, relaxing, or enjoying ourselves; instead, we’re analyzing, anticipating, checking, imagining things…
The brain often interprets this activity as a form of preparation, which is why it’s so important to understand that worrying is not the same as preparing. Preparing involves identifying what depends on us and deciding what we will do next.
Therefore, when faced with a problem, it can be more helpful to ask yourself: “What can I do now?” If we can do something, it’s best to specify it, whether it’s making a call, a decision, a conversation, searching for information, a small task…
If we conclude that we can’t do anything, further thought will probably be useless. At such times, Russell believes the wisest course of action is to do something else, to dedicate our energy to problems we can solve, or simply to rest.
Disconnecting is not irresponsible
Many people find it difficult to relax when they have something pending because they are immediately gripped by guilt. They wonder how it’s possible to disconnect or enjoy themselves when they have that problem in front of them, as if simply remaining focused on what worries them were enough to solve it.
However, emotionally intelligent people know that resting does not mean ignoring a problem, but rather recognizing that the mind also has limits.
Sustained attention consumes resources. And when we spend hours or days trying to solve something that doesn’t have an immediate solution, we can end up making worse decisions, precisely because we are too immersed in it and lose perspective.
Sometimes we need distance to see what we can’t discern from within. That’s why some problems seem enormous at 1 a.m., but are much more manageable at 10 a.m. The situation hasn’t changed; we’ve changed because we’re more rested, less stressed, and can observe it with a psychological distance.
The 3 questions that can change the way we worry
The next time you find yourself thinking about the same problem for a while, going over it in your mind, try to stop and ask yourself these three questions:
1. Am I discovering something new?
If the answer is yes, continue.
2. Is there any specific action I can take now?
If the answer is yes, then do it.
3. Or am I simply mentally repeating what I already know?
If so, perhaps it’s time to do something that has absolutely nothing to do with the problem.
Not because it doesn’t matter, but precisely because it matters a great deal. Emotional maturity doesn’t consist of having a solution for every problem, but rather in knowing how to discern when our attention and effort are being used and when we are wasting them.
That’s the wisdom Russell was referring to: we don’t need to dwell on our problems all the time to take them seriously or solve them. Sometimes the solution requires thought, but other times it’s better to put it on hold until we can gain some perspective, gather new information, and then address it.
Russell recommended: “When you have to make a difficult or troubling decision, as soon as you have all the facts available, think the matter through as best you can and make your decision. Once made, do not revise it unless you know some new fact. Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so useless.”
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