When we think of criticism, we almost always think of it as negative, but the truth is that it is also an instrument that allows us to grow as people. By highlighting our errors or weaknesses, criticism motivates us to improve. In fact, when criticism is constructive and we know how to accept it, it becomes a driving force for change.
However, hypercriticism is never a good advisor. Having people around us who constantly criticize us is not only exhausting but, in the long run, can end up undermining our self-esteem. Constructive criticism, done in the right way and at the right time, helps us grow, but constant criticism only serves to devalue us.
Unfortunately, there are people who are hypercritical by nature, which means that they are not fully aware that their words have a very negative effect on others. When this person is our partner, the problem is even worse because criticism extends to all areas of our life and can have harmful consequences for our emotional stability.
How to spot a hypercritical person?
1. He constantly challenges your ideas, opinions and perceptions about any argument. This is the typical person who, no matter what you say, will have a masterstroke ready to go against you. No matter the topic, he will always have something to object to and will find a loophole in your speech through which to attack you.
2. He refuses to listen until you adopt his communication style. This person does not listen to reason, especially if you try to keep the discussion on a rational and calm level. His main objective is to lead you to his side in order to defeat you. That is why he often resorts to emotions, like manipulative people do. He knows that if he makes you lose your patience or manages to get you to follow his logic, he will end up defeating you.
3. They take disagreements as personal attacks. For hypercritical people, any opinion different from their own becomes a personal matter; they cannot understand that someone as close as their partner does not agree with their opinions. As a result, a simple different political opinion can lead to a full-blown crisis in the couple. Thus, it is common that in the end, you find yourself apologizing, when in reality the person who was offended and criticized was you.
4. He constantly downplays your opinions. Hypercritical people are also often quite self-centered, which is why any opinion other than their own is not worth considering. Therefore, they often ignore the concerns or ideas that their partner presents to them. This person tries to establish a true emotional dictatorship.
5. They focus obsessively on details. Hypercritical people often have trouble grasping situations as a whole, so they focus on details, details that are insignificant to most people. So, even if the end result was good, they will always have aspects to criticize. This is the classic person who says: “You did well but… “
How to maintain a relationship with a hypercritical person?
Hypercritical people are highly toxic, they are like emotional vampires, so it is very difficult to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship with them. One moment you will feel on cloud nine, you will believe that everything is going perfectly, and the next moment, a storm will break out.
Dealing with these people is like being constantly under the cameras, as if someone is always evaluating your behavior, words, and even your smallest gesture. As a result, you feel like you are a chess player, who must carefully calculate not only his next move but even three or four moves further in order not to make a mistake that could be fatal. Obviously, this is often very exhausting, both psychologically and physically.
However, all is not lost.
Deep down, hypercritical people have a very fragile ego and they protect it with this attitude of superiority. A contrary opinion represents a threat to their self-esteem, so they react negatively and withdraw into their shell. Therefore, the first step to be able to deal with them is to make them understand that we do not represent a danger, that even if we think differently, that does not mean that we love them less or that their opinion is not important.
It is important for them to understand that there are different ways of doing things and that what may seem the best way for them may not be the best way for you. Still, they should respect your decision. Don’t let that person drag you into their logic; instead of arguing with rational arguments, explain how their behavior makes you feel. Often, when we expose ourselves emotionally, the other person understands the damage they are causing, becomes aware and takes a step back to rethink their attitude.
Don’t fight against windmills
There are cases where, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to get the other person to change, either because they have been behaving that way for many years, because they are not aware of the problem, or because they simply do not want to commit to change. So, as much as it hurts, it is better to end the relationship.
Living with a hypercritical person for years will end up doing you a lot of harm. When you only hear about the mistakes you make and your opinions are never taken into account, a deep feeling of insecurity will grow. In addition, sooner or later you will feel a deep emotional emptiness because the person at your side does not support you.
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