As soon as we have something we are overwhelmed by the fear of losing it. It is normal, we are scared of losing what we fought for, what we know and with which we feel relatively comfortable. When we find a balance, we want to keep it and we become anxious thinking that something can change.
But the fear of loss can also appear in situations that we could classify as negative, because they do not bring anything or even harm us. This is due to three factors: our tendency to cling to the balance we have achieved, our resistance to change, and the fear of the uncertainty that implies the new.
These are the main reasons why we often cling to interpersonal relationships that damage us, beyond the story we can have in common and the emotional ties that still persist.
When the only reason that keeps the bond is the past
Life is a journey along which we meet many people. With some we will establish closer relationships based on deep emotional ties. However, the experiences we lived and the passage of time can weaken these bonds, so that the relationship loses its meaning.
In these cases, we should not be afraid of losing people, with whom we have virtually nothing in common, people who stopped listening even though they hear us and have stopped completing us emotionally. Indeed, in those cases, what we cling to is the memory, not the person himself, because there are no points of contact, there is no prospect for the future or a satisfactory emotional bond.
Sometimes we resist breaking the bond simply because we do not want to accept that we have changed or that the other person has changed, to the point that there is nothing more that unites us. But within ourselves we perceive the poor quality of that bond, the emotional vacuum that remains because there’re no more attention and affection.
Of course, these situations are not easy to assume because there is usually a common story. But the truth is that the past is not a valid reason to continue to be tied to people who have ceased to appreciate us and do not feel lucky to have us next to them.
In time you have to learn to love more, but fewer people
Over the years we become more selective, we are more aware of the importance of our time and decide with whom we want to share it. On the other hand, life experiences also test the closer relationships, so we begin to value more people who stay at our side and really satisfy our emotional needs.
Of course, before we break the ties we usually go through a process in which arises the sense of guilt for the people we have left behind. In fact, we should not blame anyone, the relationships are created when there are common interests and break when they cease to fulfill the emotional needs. The most constructive choice is to let go those who do not feel attached to us anymore and keep the happy moments spent together.
Life is constant movement, the relationships also flow and change. But if you look for too long behind your shoulders concentrating on the doors that are closed, you will not see the doors that open in front of you.