We do not choose the family we are born into. It is a true lottery where chance decides everything. There are wonderful, functional and healthy families where children grow up surrounded by affection and understanding to become mature and balanced people. Other families do not develop a healthy attachment that guarantees the emotional stability of their members; rather, they are overwhelming and tend to nullify individuality.
It is worth clarifying that the education we receive from a young age and the environment in which we grow up do not completely determine the adult we will be, but, without a doubt, coming from a dysfunctional family will make it more difficult for us because we will have to make an effort to foster those positive habits that some people acquire from a young age and that are part of their natural way of thinking and acting.
Toxic relationships
The bond we establish at an early age with our parents, grandparents and siblings is essential because it can give us security and confidence to explore our environment or, on the contrary, it can turn us into insecure people with low self-esteem. There are families that simply have not managed to create safe environments and are truly toxic since they annul their members, especially their children, under a blanket of overprotection that, in the long run, is suffocating.
In overwhelming families, it is most common for parents to continually interfere in the lives of their children. When they are small, they impose their rules and ways of seeing life and later, when they grow up and become independent, they try to continue exercising the same degree of control, which gives rise to multiple disagreements since the child normally begins to claim the freedom that belongs to you.
These parents develop an anxious attachment, characterized by an excessively protective relationship with their children, which prevents them from facing risks and restricts their independence and autonomy. In the long run, this type of attachment generates great emotional suffering, both for children and parents, since it is difficult for them to relate without arguing.
Many of these parents resort to different tricks to emotionally manipulate their children, generating a deep sense of guilt from which it is not easy to escape. There are many examples of overwhelming and manipulative families: when they manipulate their children so that they change their plans because it is mandatory that they be present at each and every family meeting, when they demand to be aware of all the decisions, even the most inconsequential, when they continually complain, assuming the role of victims because their children do not visit or call them as much as they would like, when they get in the way of relationships and the raising of grandchildren…
However, in a general sense, a family is overwhelming when:
– It does not allow its children to make their own decisions but tries to impose the parents’ point of view
– It does not enhance the independence and autonomy of its children but, on the contrary, limits their potential
– Uses instruments of emotional manipulation to make children submit to its desires and satisfy its needs
How to deal with overwhelming families?
There are parents who are overwhelming without being aware of it, they do it simply because it is the only way they know how to relate and because they believe that this is how they demonstrate their love. In those cases, it is usually enough to point out that a little more freedom and space would be welcome.
There are other cases in which it is very difficult to relate without arguing since the parents intend to continue continually interfering in the lives and decisions of their children. When these people do not give in, it is best to assume a firm attitude and not give in to their emotional blackmail. Let them see that they can give their opinion but not decide for you. That you love them but you won’t stand the pressure.
The first months will be very difficult and it is likely that recriminations will rain down but do not back down because otherwise you will have definitively lost the battle. Over time, they will understand that you have grown and need your space.
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