“Long ago, a young tightrope walker met a young acrobat. Both were very poor and had no other gifts than their flexibility and strength, so they thought that if they teamed up, they could tour the streets of China putting on an impressive show that would at least allow them to make a living.
They trained hard until they achieved a dangerous yet fascinating act: the man would swing a large bamboo pole over his head while the young woman climbed to the top. Then the acrobat would walk, and the young woman would have to maintain her balance at the top.
To perform that act, great concentration was required; all it took was a few seconds for them to lose their balance and a disaster could occur.
As the weeks went by, as the man got to know the young tightrope walker and grew fond of her, he began to worry about how to take care of her and not expose her so much with that dangerous act, so one day he said to her:
– Listen, I’ll watch you as you climb, and when you’re up there, you can watch me. That way we can help each other stay focused and balanced.
However, the young acrobat was wise and answered:
– I think it would be better for both of us if we each took care of ourselves. No one knows us better than we do ourselves. Taking care of ourselves means taking care of both of us. I’m sure we’ll avoid an accident that way.“
To take care of someone, you must first take care of yourself
This wonderful parable teaches us a great lesson that we often forget: to take good care of the people we love, it is essential that we take good care of ourselves.
Too often, we focus entirely on others, to the point of continually putting their needs and well-being before our own, relegating ourselves to the background or even completely forgetting about ourselves.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with helping, supporting, and caring for those in need, but we shouldn’t let ourselves go, because we run the risk of becoming a dull person, emptying ourselves inside; ultimately, we won’t be able to offer the solid support or the touch of happiness, enthusiasm, and joy that others need.
In fact, a particularly interesting study conducted at the University of California found that stress is contagious from mothers to their babies. These researchers asked mothers to perform certain tasks, some stressful and some not. They then asked them to reunite with their babies. They discovered that the babies’ physiological reactivity was a reflection of the mothers’ reactivity, altered by exposure to stress.
They also found that babies of mothers who had been subjected to social evaluation were more likely to avoid strangers, and that the greater the stress the mothers experienced, the more intense the babies’ physiological responses.
This study reveals that emotional states are indeed “contagious,” so if we truly care about the well-being of the people we love, we must first find our inner balance.
Love can suffocate us from excess oxygen
Love is never excessive, but its manifestations can be. In fact, we can sometimes make the mistake of overprotecting those we love. We want to spare them disappointment, problems, and suffering, shouldering a burden that isn’t ours.
This overprotectiveness prevents others from learning to fly with their own wings, even disabling them emotionally. Parents, in particular, must not forget that their job is not to prepare the path for their children, but to prepare their children for the path.
Each person must learn to know themselves well enough to know when they need to ask for help and when they need to test themselves, fall, and get back up. Therefore, sometimes the best way to help is not to help, to stay out of the way, becoming a supportive presence while those we love navigate their life experiences and learn from their mistakes.
Reference:
Waters, S. F. et. Al. (2014) Stress Contagion. Physiological Covariation Between Mothers and Infants. Psychological Science; 25(4): 934–942.
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