It is difficult to escape our thoughts. They are in our minds. They hammer. They come back again and again. They worry us. They generate anxiety and depression. They stress us out and corner us. Their persistence is such that it is not difficult for us to end up giving in to what they tell us. This is how we end up responding to that inner dialogue, instead of paying attention to reality.
The 2 psychological tricks that thoughts use to confuse us
Every day, we deal with thousands of thoughts. Many are fleeting, but others are born with the vocation to persevere, especially those of a negative nature. In fact, we do not pay the same attention to all the ideas that cross our mind, but only to those that activate an emotional response or that, for some reason, we consider relevant – even if they are not.
The question is: how do we determine which thoughts are valid and worth considering, and which ones we should simply let go? How do some thoughts become “facts”?
- The emotional impact. Many thoughts derive from events, so that they appear to be true, especially when they trigger certain affective states. We use emotions as a compass, forgetting that they are not a reliable indicator of what is true or false, but only of our reaction to what happens.
- The frequency. When a thought appears again and again, it tends to take hold in the mind, conveying the feeling that it is real. Beliefs like “I’m a failure” seem very real to people with low self-esteem, or thoughts like “Something terrible is going to happen” to people with anxiety. However, the frequency with which an idea appears does not mean it is true.
The main strategy of thoughts is that they are self-referential. We believe that thinking we are in danger means we are. And if we believe we are not good enough, we assume that is true.
What makes a thought seem as real as a chair or a tree is the attention we pay to it. We turn a thought into a “solid object” when we focus on that idea and give it excessive importance, as if it were a fact of the tangible world.
This creates a loop. When we pay too much attention to thoughts and act as if they are true, we begin to feel anxious and upset, which causes those thoughts to arise more frequently. Fueled by these emotions, they make us believe that these ideas are not only important, but that they faithfully reflect reality.
Detached attention, a technique to coexist with thoughts
Thoughts are not, in any way, reality, but rather our interpretation of it. The fact that we think something does not automatically turn that idea into a fact or give it any special importance.
Thoughts do not exist anywhere outside of ourselves. Therefore, its content does not directly affect events – unless we act on those ideas. Thought appears and exists only within us, so it is more realistic to see it for what it is: an interpretation of reality.
This will allow us to establish a psychological distance that helps us adopt a more balanced and objective perspective. Our thoughts tell us our reaction to events, but they are not reality itself.
In many cases, paying less attention to them, especially when it comes to intrusive thoughts that generate discomfort, will also help us develop a more relaxed relationship with ourselves, reducing anguish, tension and anxiety from our daily lives.
In metacognitive therapy there is a technique called detached attention that will allow you to relate to your thoughts in a different and more relaxed way. It should be clarified that “detached” does not mean ignoring thoughts, but rather coexisting with them, giving them their fair importance – no more, no less.
To apply detached attention to a negative thought, you must allow that idea to be in your mind and observe it passively, without rejecting it or judging it, but also without holding on. You may find that that thought simply morphs into another. The key is not to dwell on it, because that way you create a snowball of worries and catastrophic thoughts that grows as it rolls downhill.
To do this exercise, it will help you to imagine that your thoughts are a background sound that you hear but don’t pay much attention to, like the sound of church bells or cars passing by on the street while you work. It is likely that at first you will notice that noise and that it may even bother you a little, distracting you from what you are doing, but after a while you will get used to it and you will be able to concentrate again, practically forgetting about its existence.
Thoughts are like fleeting sounds that arise spontaneously in the mind. They can be words or images, but if we don’t cling to them and pay too much attention to them, they usually last only a few seconds and then fade away just as they appeared.
When should you pay attention to your thoughts?
Always.
But in the right measure and being aware that you don’t always have to react to their content.
When you allow negative thoughts to take over your mind, you give them power and let them dictate your decisions and behaviors. When you pay too much attention to these thoughts and allow them to bother you, they reinforce themselves and can make you feel worse.
On the other hand, not responding to negative thoughts can considerably improve your well-being. You break the cycle and take away their control over you. You prevent them from molding reality in their image and likeness, so you gain objectivity and respond in a more adaptive way.
At the same time, when you stop holding on to worries and negative thoughts, you let in more positive, creative, and developing ideas that will make you feel better, help you go further, or align with your values.
However, that doesn’t mean ignoring what’s troubling you. If a thought comes back again and again, you should try to understand its message. Take note of what it wants to tell you and try to solve the underlying psychological problem. The key is not to reject them, but to allow them to exist without taking them too seriously that they distort your world and make you feel bad unnecessarily.
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