“One day, a merchant decided he would wait no longer. He had sent several messages to a debtor, and the debtor kept putting off paying. Angry at the delay, feeling disrespected, he set out to collect the 10 florins owed him.
To reach the village where his debtor lived, he needed to cross a wide river, so he had to resort to the services of a boatman, who charged him 5 florins.
Luckily, the merchant was able to find his debtor, and he paid him what he owed without complaint. Happy back home, he had to cross the river again and pay the ferryman.
At night, as he laid his head on the pillow, he realized that he had spent several hours of his life claiming a debt and in the end, he had ended up with his hands as empty as in the morning.”
This parable refers to people who obsessively pursue a goal, without realizing that they end up neglecting much more important matters and, what is even worse, their stubbornness can cause harm to themselves or others.
The unhealthy exaltation of perseverance
In our society, we value perseverance, and we want to pass this value on to our children. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s done in moderation. The problem begins when it’s assumed as an obligation, when we believe we have no choice but to persevere. Positive phrases that contain a great deal of naiveté, such as “never give up” or “perseverance makes all obstacles disappear,” have undoubtedly contributed to this.
However, any value assumed to be the only possible solution is limiting, because it prevents us from seeing other alternatives, which may be less harmful or entail a lower emotional cost. When we think that abandoning a project that has lost its meaning or that no longer motivates us means “failing” or “being weak,” we have a problem because, deep down, that thought is an expression of a rigid “self.”
Perseverance is important because all great things require sacrifice and time, but it’s also important to develop a detached attitude that allows us to assess the effort made in terms of costs and benefits, including the emotional sphere in that equation.
Our emotional predictions are biased
When deciding whether to persevere or change course, it’s essential to keep in mind that emotions can play tricks on us. Our emotional predictions are biased. Psychologists at Harvard University have been studying the phenomenon of emotional prediction for years and have discovered that, although we are able to predict the valence of emotions, we are not very accurate at predicting their intensity or duration.
This means we’re not very good at predicting how happy or satisfied we’ll feel when we achieve certain goals, how long we’ll feel bad about abandoning a project, or how intense that feeling might be. We tend to go to extremes: we think we’ll feel very happy when we achieve our goal and believe we’ll feel terrible if we don’t, but reality shows us otherwise.
This is due, at least in part, to the fact that the effort we’ve invested along the way has worn us down, and the results we obtain aren’t as satisfying as we expected. That’s why when we achieve certain long-awaited goals, we can be left with a bittersweet taste in our mouths. Knowing this, we can adopt a more objective attitude when assessing whether it’s worth continuing to persevere.
Sometimes the result is not as important as the path we have taken
Sometimes we persist in achieving something, simply because we don’t want to waste the time and effort we’ve invested. This phenomenon is known in economics as “sunk costs,” one of the main causes that lead us to make irrational decisions.
Sunk costs are generated by our aversion to loss. In practice, we think that if we don’t move forward with a project in which we’ve invested time, sacrifice, and even money, we’ll lose that investment. Continuing to invest often results in additional costs, and we lock ourselves into a cycle of dissatisfaction.
We must realize that this investment is already lost, but we don’t need to continue wasting our money. We’ve already spent money on the ticket, but if at the last minute we decide we don’t feel like seeing the show, we don’t have to waste our time and force ourselves to do something we don’t want to do; we can simply change our plans.
So, when that project no longer makes sense, no longer excites us, or simply demands too much of our energy, perhaps it’s time to give up. When we’re determined to do something and the only reason we can find to keep going is “because I’ve already invested time and effort,” something is wrong.
Changing your mind isn’t negative; on the contrary, it can be synonymous with growth. Changing projects or realizing that you’re no longer passionate about something doesn’t mean you’ve failed; what we’re left with is the experiences we’ve had, which can be a source of wisdom. In fact, it’s often not the goal you’ve achieved that matters, but the person you’ve become while traveling that path.
Giving up isn’t negative; in some cases, it can be a sign of intelligence. True wisdom lies in finding the balance between perseverance and letting go, in being able to discern between stubbornness and real possibilities. Investing in this skill will allow you to save the most valuable thing you have in life: time.
References:
Wilson, TD & Gilbert, DT (2003) Affective Forecasting. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology ; 35: 345-411.
Arkes, H.R.; Ayton, P. (1999) The Sunk Cost and Concorde effects: are humans less rational than lower animals? Psychological Bulletin ; 125 (5): 591-600.
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