Robert Burton said that “A blow with a word cuts deeper than a blow with a sword.” And he was right, there are words that remain entrenched, causing emotional damage that is not affected even by the passage of time. For this reason, we must weigh the phrases very carefully in discussions, especially when it comes to sensitive topics. And to do this, there is nothing better than reflecting on the relevance of dissent and the best way to manage disagreements, so that we can emerge stronger from them or, at least, not lose patience.
Spinning arguments: the best quotes about discussions from great thinkers
1. “It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it” – Joseph Joubert
The word discussion is surrounded by a negative halo, but exchanging opposing points of view can actually be deeply enriching, as this French essayist hinted. Ultimately, we must not lose sight of the fact that the word “discussion” comes from the Latin discussio, which literally means “deep examination of an issue,” as well as the action and effect of analyzing or defending a point of view. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with discussing differences, as long as it is done with respect.
2. “Sometimes we argue because we do not understand what our interlocutor is trying to demonstrate” – Leo Tolstoy
We could save ourselves a lot of arguments if, instead of trying to win, we simply focused on understanding. The Russian writer refers to those circular discussions in which the parties are often so obfuscated by their own arguments that they are unable to put themselves in the other’s shoes to try to understand their point of view and find common points.
3. “No rational argument will have a rational effect on a man who does not want to adopt a rational attitude” – Karl Popper
It seems like a tongue twister, but the truth is that sometimes you have to choose between being right and being happy – or at least preserving peace of mind. When we realize that an argument is not moving forward because one of the parties is not willing to listen or give in at least a little, the smartest thing is to nip that conversation in the bud. As this English philosopher wrote, do not give explanations to those who do not listen to reasons. It will be useless. It is better to put an end to the argument.
4. “The object of all discussion should not be triumph, but progress” – Joseph Joubert
Discussion is debate and enrichment, as long as it is adopted with the right attitude. The desire to win at all costs blocks the arguments of the other and, therefore, not only closes the door to understanding but also to growth and evolution. Dissent is not bad, as this French essayist maintained, the problem is assuming that the other is an opponent to beat.
However, as a study conducted at Yale University showed, people who argue with an open mind not only learn new things, they also make the others more receptive to their points of view. Therefore, responsiveness is a win-win strategy.
5. “If you argue a lot to prove your wisdom, you will soon prove your ignorance” – Muslih-Ud-Din Saadi
People who are confident in themselves and in their knowledge do not need to impose their truth. On the other hand, those who argue too much to demonstrate their wisdom can fall into a trap: the insistence on making their point of view prevail ends up revealing a lack of confidence or an inability to see the problem from a broader perspective. Thus, not being willing to consider other angles or admit the possibility of being wrong ends up exposing their ignorance and mental rigidity, as this Persian poet warned.
6. “In every discussion, it is not a thesis that is defended but oneself” – Paul Valéry
When an argument becomes heated or deals with a sensitive topic, we lose sight of the fact that we only need to defend our argument. We feel so identified that we assume the opposite position as an attack on our person or our values, as this French writer pointed out, so that we wall ourselves behind a defensive posture.
As a result, we are unable to carry out a truly enriching exercise in intellectual dissent and resort to all kinds of fallacies to win the argument. That means that when you have to disagree, it’s best to leave your ego out of the matter.
7. “Words are like leaves; and where they most abound, Much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found” – Alexander Pope
When you have good reasons and build a good argument, you don’t need to resort to word games. On the other hand, when good reasons are not defended or the ideas are confusing or unsustainable, it is common for discussions to go off the rails. In this way, the longer the conversation continues, the further it will move away from the original conflict and the more difficult it will be to reach an understanding, as the poet says. Therefore, in an argument, it is best to focus on the point of dissent.
8. “Always remember that your calmness under fire is your best defense in any argument or discussion” – Robert Greene
When we allow an argument to become a personal affront, we lose perspective and rationality. This American writer reminds us that the ability not to lose our temper in the middle of the most heated discussion is what will allow us to direct it on the right path and continue presenting our arguments. Ultimately, we must always keep in mind that whoever makes us angry controls us.
Research conducted at the University of Wisconsin found that angry people are quick to blame others, are more likely to resort to simplistic thinking patterns, such as stereotypes, and at the same time, decrease the attention they pay to the quality of the arguments. Therefore, it is evident that losing one’s cool becomes an obstacle to the constructive resolution of conflicts.
9. “Rational discussion is useful only when there is a significant base of shared assumptions” – Noam Chomsky
Sometimes the differences in starting points are so great that it is difficult to confront arguments and get something productive out of the exercise. This American linguist and philosopher warns us that for a discussion to be useful, it is necessary to start at least from a base of common ideas or values. When the points of view are diametrically opposed, the discussion may not make sense because it will be very difficult to reach a shared conclusion. Therefore, before you start arguing, always ask yourself if it is worth it.
10. “You may be able to achieve something after three hours arguing, but surely you can achieve the same thing with just three words impregnated with affection” – Confucius
Finally, we must not forget this phrase about the discussions of the Chinese philosopher, who advises us to follow a more assertive approach. Showing ourselves receptive to dialogue and assuming a more positive attitude will help the other person not become defensive. So, the next time you’re about to get into an argument, simply ask yourself: is there a faster, more positive way? If so, take it. Your mental balance will thank you.
These quotes about arguments remind us that debating can be energizing and motivating: the topics that those discussions generate and the reactions they unleash remind us of what is important to us and what we want to defend.
Discussions also give us the opportunity to rethink our ideas or even express how we feel, but we must make sure we do so with an open mind and a receptive attitude because only then will dissent become an opportunity for growth.
References:
Fisher, M. et. Al. (2016) The Influence of Social Interaction on Intuitions of Objectivity and Subjectivity. Cognitive Science; 41(4): 1119-1134.
Keltner, D. et. Al. (1993) Beyond Simple Pessimism: Effects of Sadness and Anger on Social Perception. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; 64(5): 740-752.
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