Are children today more rude than those in the past?

“Children today don’t respect anyone.”

“In my time that was not allowed.”

“Today parents are afraid of their children.”

Phrases like these are repeated in parks, family gatherings, and on social media. Parents, grandparents, and educators compare the younger generations with those of the past, and many come to one conclusion: today’s children are more rude.

But is that really the case? Or are we idealizing the past and judging the present too harshly?

The million-dollar question: What does it mean to be “well-mannered”?

Before judging whether a child is spoiled, it is worth asking what good education is.

In previous generations, obedience, silence, respect for authority, and good manners were highly valued. A “well-behaved child” was, basically, a child who didn’t cause any trouble: he sat still during visitors, didn’t interrupt adults when they spoke, and said “thank you” and “please.”

However, values ​​have changed. Today, parents try to encourage more creativity, autonomy, personal judgment, and emotional expression. Thus, where silence was once valued, a voice is now encouraged. Where orders were once followed, questions are now asked. And this has unleashed a cascade of changes—some positive, others not so much.

More disobedience or more expression?

Children have always had tantrums and moments of disobedience. They have always tried to push boundaries and struggled to assert their identity. These expressions are part of development and have not changed over the past few centuries. The difference lies in how society interprets and deals with these manifestations.

In the past, many of children’s emotions were repressed. Children cried “in silence” or were punished when they expressed their frustration. Today, however, many parents try to validate these feelings.

However, this new approach doesn’t seem to be working particularly well.

A study conducted at Case Western Reserve University has revealed a startling fact: Anxiety has increased so much in childhood that a school-age child in the 1980s already reported more anxiety than child psychiatric patients in the 1950s.

Today, this anxiety has only increased, to the point where it affects 1 in 12 children. Depression is following suit. Research from the University of Minnesota revealed that the incidence of depression in adolescents has doubled in the last decade. Irritability and a lack of frustration tolerance have also increased among children since the 1990s.

Obviously, something is wrong.

A question of limits

In the midst of the educational transition, we are moving from a period of rigidity to a more flexible model. But many parents still don’t know how to gain authority without being authoritarian, so they fall into the opposite extreme: permissiveness and laissez-faire .

When emotional expression is encouraged but limits are not set, it’s easy for children to think that anything goes. This creates self-centered children who disregard others and behave as if they are the center of the universe.

In the past, parents often adopted an authoritarian style, along the lines of “because I said so.” Now, however, many choose to be more permissive because “I don’t want to traumatize him.” As a result, children in the past were, in fact, more obedient. And today’s children often have problems with authority figures.

Where are the adults?

When we refer to spoiled or ill-behaved children, we generally mean that these are children who don’t follow implicit or explicit rules. In fact, many adults feel that “children rule.” And this isn’t just a perception; in recent decades, there has actually been an absence or weakening of the adult role.

It’s not that children’s nature has changed so much, but that their frames of reference have become blurred. Parents work more, have less time, and feel more pressure to get “everything right.”

Previously, a mother or grandmother was usually at home to correct children’s misbehavior. Now, parents are so stressed and exhausted that they often give in so their children will leave them alone. This lack of boundaries and rules leads to “child tyranny.”

On the other hand, schools are overcrowded, and screens have taken over spaces once dedicated to play, conversation, and bonding. Our society no longer “educates in community.” Previously, any adult could reprimand a child. Today, correcting behavior can trigger a pitched battle with parents.

In the midst of this, children are left without clear role models. They lack consistent role models who guide them with affection and firmness. As a result, they neither understand nor follow rules—both inside and outside the home. These children have difficulty managing frustration, cannot tolerate “no,” and react aggressively or with emotional imbalance.

Obviously, educating isn’t about controlling. But neither is giving in on everything. Educating is about guiding. And that requires mature, calm adults who know how to handle conflict without fear, who can say “no” without blame, and who convey consistency with their actions.

So… are today’s children more rude?

Children aren’t worse; they’re different because they’re growing up in a different world where there’s more information, more stimulation, more freedom… and also more contradictions. However, since they’re not mature enough to deal with all of this, they need more guidance than ever.

It’s not necessary to look back on the past with nostalgia, but rather to build a more conscious present. Educate with firmness, but without forgetting tenderness. With authority, but without instilling fear. With limits, but with empathy.

Children need to know that not everything is allowed, but also that what they feel is not wrong. They need guidance, support, and time. But above all, they need adults who can understand and support them, adults who know that a timely “no” is an act of love.

References:

Liu, X. et. Al. (2024) Thirty-year trends of anxiety disorders among adolescents based on the 2019 Global Burden of Disease Study. Gen Psychiatr; 37(2): e101288.

Wilson, S. & Dumornay, N. M. (2022) Rising Rates of Adolescent Depression in the United States: Challenges and Opportunities in the 2020s. J Adolesc Health; 70(3): 354-355.

Brotman, M. A. et. Al. (2017) Irritability in Children and Adolescents. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology; 13: 317-341.

Chaplin, T. M. (2017) Developmental change in emotion expression in frustrating situations: The roles of context and gender. Infant Child Dev; 26(6): e2028.

Twenge, J. M. (2000) The Age of Anxiety? Birth Cohort Change in Anxiety and Neuroticism, 1952-1993. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; 79(6): 1007-1021.