We all face conflicts. They are part of our life, although sometimes we don’t know clearly how we have reached that point. However, how we handle these discrepancies, be it a pseudo-conflict, a latent conflict or a direct confrontation, is decisive for the future of the relationship.
Conflicts can also end up changing us. A conflict is a dynamic system in which we constantly restructure both what happened and our understanding of the facts. Thus we change ourselves in the process. Therefore, if we know how to take advantage of them, they represent an opportunity to grow and expand our vision of the world. In fact, many philosophers, psychologists, and writers share that constructive view of conflict.
Quotes about conflicts to understand them better
1. “Change means movement. Movement means friction. Only in the frictionless vacuum of a nonexistent abstract world can movement or change occur without that abrasive friction of conflict”- Saul Alinsky
Conflicts are usually surrounded by a negative halo, we believe that they are a problem to avoid, but in reality they are the expression of the struggle of the new against the old. Where there are conflicts, there is a possibility of profound and radical changes. Therefore, we should not see conflict as an obstacle but as an opportunity to test our beliefs and ways of thinking.
2. “Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional” – Max Lucade
Conflict is part of life. We cannot avoid it, but we can decide how to deal with it. We can decide if it is really worth it to undertake an exhausting fight or if is more important our mental balance. We cannot control the circumstances that often lead to conflict, but we can choose how to react. And sometimes that is enough to change everything.
3. “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude”- William James
This quote about conflict reminds us that, no matter how large the gap between two people, our attitude can make a difference. A conflict gives us the opportunity to strengthen a relationship, approach positions and demonstrate that, despite the differences, the other matters enough to us to close distances and break down barriers. The appearance of a conflict does not condemn a relationship, it is our attitudes that condemn or save it.
4. “Conflict is the beginning of consciousness” – M. Esther Harding
John Dewey had already said that “Conflict is the fly of thought” because it shakes the passivity of the sheep and activates reflection. That is the mechanism of conflict action that leads us to transformative change. Conflict is the driving force behind doubts, activates critical thinking and encourages us to question beliefs that we had taken for granted.
5. “The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself” – Garth Brooks
Although interpersonal conflicts can be difficult to resolve, internal conflicts are often more painful, deep, and complex. It is difficult to find its cause and, above all, to find a way out. In fact, internal conflicts are often the seed of a profound change that radically transforms our vision of the world or the meaning of our life.
6. “Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in” – Shannon L. Alder
The difficulty in dealing with conflict comes, in large part, from our biased vision. Alder believed that whenever we face different positions from ours, we must keep in mind that our opinions are only the expression of the life we have led, as well as of the society and culture in which we have grown up. Often, it is enough to go beyond those limits for the conflict to disappear or subside.
7. “Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are” – Stephen Moyer
When we are on the ropes comes out our essence. Conflicts can bring up our brightest lights or our darkest shadows. The extreme situations can overcome us or, on the contrary, push us to gather strength and give our best. In that sense, conflicts show what material we are made of.
8. “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster” and “if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you”- Friedrich Nietzsche
Destiny is often not as important as the person we became as we walked that path. This qiote of Nietzsche about conflicts alerts us that it is not worth everything to win. Sometimes it is better to “lose” if it means staying true to the ideas that define us and we consider valuable. In that case, this so-called “defeat” will become a victory.
9. “Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict — alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence” – Dorothy Thompson
We have a tendency to believe that peace is the absence of problems, a state in which everything must flow easily, but the reality is different. Being at peace with ourselves and with the world does not mean lacking in conflicts, but rather being able to search for beneficial alternatives for all, moving away from violence in all its forms. Peace is not a gift, it is the result of a proactive attitude.
10. “I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect” – Edward Gibbon
Last but not least, to protect that inner peace, we must be smart enough to choose which battles to fight. When people refuse to listen and don’t understand reasons, the arguments don’t count. In these cases it is usually better to avoid confrontation, especially if we know that nothing productive will come of it.
