We all know someone who believes they’re the center of the universe. Usually, this arrogant person is convinced the world revolves around them, and they don’t hesitate to manipulate others to make it so.
Narcissists exaggerate their achievements in order to gain undeserved praise. They don’t hesitate to dismiss the accomplishments of others because they resent being overshadowed. This person is not usually very empathetic; they are usually only interested in satisfying their own needs and see others as mere reservoirs from which they must draw admiration.
The problem with dealing with a narcissist is that they believe they have a right to everything, including your time, your emotions, and your self-esteem.
As a result, we soon find ourselves caught in a cycle of negativity and anxiety, spiraling into feelings of helplessness, frustration, and anger. In fact, dealing with a narcissist day after day can be extremely exhausting because we’ll have to put our needs on the back burner to meet theirs, and disillusionment and exhaustion soon set in.
At some point, you’ll probably look at yourself and wonder: When did I become this sad and bitter person? Why don’t I do the things I used to love anymore? Why do I feel guilty when I’m even remotely happy?
And dealing with a narcissist drains your energy.
Why distancing yourself from a narcissist can be a good idea?
1. A narcissist will not appreciate all that you do to please him
When dealing with a very selfish person, it’s often easier to let them get away with it than to try to get them to even minimally conform to social norms. For example, if you’ve scheduled a meeting at a certain time, this person may arrive two hours late without even an apology. However, if the other way around had happened, you’d have to apologize until the end of time, and that still wouldn’t be enough to earn their forgiveness.
However, since you have to deal with this person and arguing is useless, you simply try to accommodate their way of being. As a result, you always go out to the places they choose, watch the programs they’re interested in, and so on.
The problem is that the narcissist won’t appreciate this effort because they feel it’s your obligation to bow down to them. Thus, the life of a person living with a narcissist can be extremely frustrating because they give everything without receiving anything in return.
2. He will never remember what you do right, he will only focus on what you did wrong
Narcissists and perfectionists have a lot in common because for both, nothing you do will ever be enough. Because their expectations are unrealistic and their standards impossible to meet, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never measure up.
This person only focuses on flaws and mistakes, but never acknowledges virtues and good deeds. As a result, maintaining such a relationship can be very demotivating, even affecting the self-esteem of the person who is constantly being trampled on and always being asked for more.
A narcissist is intolerant and uncompromising by nature, but the curious thing is that he only focuses on the imperfections of others, without considering his own. With this strategy, he manages to manipulate the people around him, making them feel inferior.
3. A narcissist will always ask for more
Narcissists are also often controlling. Because their egos depend on those who feed them, they make sure others can meet their ever-increasing demands. In fact, a relationship with a narcissist is very similar to an addiction because the levels of commitment and sacrifice they demand grow disproportionately.
In this way, it’s easy to find yourself trapped in a web that’s difficult to escape. The narcissist will first ask for small favors, until they reach the point where they can consume all your time, causing you to give up things that are important to you just to satisfy small whims.
If you don’t, he’ll make you feel guilty, manipulate your capacity for empathy to get you to do what he wants, even reminding you of that small favor he once did for you. The funny thing is, however, that when you ask him for something, he’ll never be available, and he’ll even make you feel bad for even thinking you could take up some of his time.
4. It will make you lose your sense of self
If you’ve been under the yoke of a narcissist for a long time, you’ll likely find that at some point, before making a decision, you question what that person will think. In practice, you stop choosing for yourself, following your own tastes and needs, because you assume the narcissist’s criteria and needs are more important than yours.
Then an alarm bell should go off inside you because you’re about to lose your sense of self. In fact, one of the narcissistic person’s manipulation tactics consists precisely in making the other person lose their self-esteem, in making them distrust their judgment so that they’ll accept theirs and always satisfy them.
Little by little, the narcissist gets those around them to begin seeing them as a priority. You stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about what the other person would like, and you make decisions solely to please them or to avoid an argument.
5. It will make you feel guilty for being happy
A narcissist doesn’t expect you to be happy; on the contrary, their own happiness is their top priority. Therefore, they will manipulate you and won’t hesitate to use emotional blackmail you into putting their needs first, instilling a sense of guilt if you feel happy. In fact, after spending a lot of time with a narcissist, you may even come to believe that you don’t have the right to be happy, so you feel extremely guilty when, for some reason, you feel happy.
The problem is that, contrary to common perception, narcissistic people aren’t happy because they don’t feel good about themselves. The fact that they constantly seek praise and attention reveals that they have artificially high self-esteem and need the approval of others to feel good.
As a result, a narcissist needs you more than you need them. And because of this, they punish those around them, project their dissatisfaction onto others, and don’t want them to be happy if they can’t be happy themselves.
Is there a solution for narcissism?
Narcissism isn’t an immutable trait. However, don’t expect the narcissist to wake up one day and finally behave considerately. They won’t call you to thank you for everything you’ve done, they won’t move mountains to help you, and they’ll probably never sit up all night listening to your problems.
Therefore, the only strategy for dealing with a narcissist is to establish healthy boundaries in the relationship and know how to prioritize your needs. You can also advise them to see a psychologist; after all, their life isn’t as great as they make it out to be.
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