“A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about but his thoughts,” said Alan Watts.
When we are thinking, we lose contact with reality, almost in the same way as a person who suffers from schizophrenia or some kind of psychosis. These conversations with ourselves, this continuous and even compulsive repetition of certain thought patterns, can lead us to a beautiful world of illusions but also of constructed problems. It separates us from reality, we stop perceiving it, to enter into the world that we have created and that exists only in our mind.
Of course, thinking is not bad. Quite the opposite, but in moderation. Thinking should be a tool that we can use to solve certain problems, it cannot become something that dominates us. That voice inside our head should be a tool that guides us, not something that disorients us.
Obviously, we cannot completely silence the mind, it would be like trying to shape water with a hammer, but it is advisable to remain alert to those self-destructive thought patterns that distance us from reality and become a brake on our development, preventing us from being happy and making our daily lives bitter.
What are the most damaging thought patterns?
1. Constant devaluation
Thoughts like “I can’t,” “I won’t measure up,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I know I’ll fail” are often products of our insecurity, they are not a reflection of reality. In fact, sometimes those thoughts aren’t even ours, they are ideas planted by other people when we were children and they reproached us for something we had done wrong. That’s why constant devaluation is one of the main enemies of growth, self-esteem, and self-confidence.
2. Anticipatory concerns
Problems, setbacks and adversity exist, we cannot ignore them. However, it is better for them to come at the right time and not to anticipate them. In fact, the person who worries in advance, worries twice. Often, thinking about the problems that may arise is only a way to generate anxiety and stress because it has been shown that, not only are we stronger than we think to face adversity but we also have a catastrophizing tendency that leads us to magnify the pain we could experience.
3. Continuous comparisons
Every person is unique, so comparisons have no place. However, our brain is a true comparison addict and leads us to compare ourselves at every step we take. We look around us and always see people who are happier, more satisfied, more beautiful, more successful… These continuous comparisons only make us feel bad and, in the long run, if they become established as a recurring thought pattern, they can affect our self-esteem, even leading to depression.
4. Laments ad infinitum
There are people who take on the role of victims. In their minds, they repeat over and over how unhappy they are, how many problems they have, and how inconsiderate the people around them are. This deeply self-centered pattern of thinking plunges them into a vicious circle marked by constant complaining, which generates a negative view of the world and, of course, prevents them from enjoying beautiful things. These people are too busy painting the world in gray to be able to distinguish colors.
5. Blaming yourself excessively
There are mistakes that are difficult to accept, and it is not always easy to wipe the slate clean. However, people who always think in terms of “guilty” or “innocent” end up being victims of this moral rigidity. In fact, guilt is one of the most harmful feelings that exists because it leads to immobility and sterile suffering. Guilt is only a distorted image of reality, while thinking in terms of responsibility implies having a more objective vision, in which we assume the consequences of our actions, no more and no less.
6. Getting tied to the past
There are people who think that all past times were better. Their mind works like a one-way time machine, into the past. That’s why they are never present, but rather remembering an old love, the country they left behind, or that wonderful job they had. However, although remembering is reliving, it is important not to forget to enjoy the here and now. Letting the mind continually wander through the past, thinking that it is better than the present or even the future, is the best way to condemn oneself to hopelessness and depression.
7. Constantly criticize
There are people who cannot live without criticizing; they need criticism like air to breathe. They think that everyone else is incompetent and ungrateful. Negative thoughts about others constantly roam through their minds. The problem is that in this way, they only manage to hurt themselves, since constant criticism implies a state of dissatisfaction and displeasure. Criticizing implies living in a “perfect” world that only exists in our minds. However, learning to accept differences is one of the secrets to being happy. Those who criticize, criticize others, but condemn themselves.
