“Deeper and more visceral than sexuality, more hidden than the desire for social power, and deeper even than the desire to accumulate possessions, is the widespread and universal desire to know that we are going in the right direction and to have our bearings,” said psychologist William Sheldon at the beginning of the 20th century.
Undoubtedly, the need to be accepted by others is very strong, to the point that many people practically nullify their identity to submit to the traditions, beliefs, and opinions of others. However, without going to such extremes, we all sacrifice a significant part of ourselves to fit into society. Sometimes this “sacrifice” is too great and causes deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
The problem is that we’re not always able to identify the beliefs that are shackling our future. Therefore, one of the most important and beneficial psychological exercises we can do is to identify these social conditionings and how to break free from them to lead the life we truly desire.
The inoculation of socially accepted ways of thinking
As soon as we are born, we are forced to learn to navigate and orient ourselves in a sea of symbols that designate reality. Authority figures are responsible for guiding us in this vast universe of information. Thus, it is likely that our parents passed on to us outdated traditions, the church instilled in us dogmatic ideologies, and school taught us to repeat information rather than question it.
The thoughts generated through these experiences, which in psychology are called “social conditioning,” ultimately determine how we view reality and how we respond to it. In fact, in many cases, the process of “maturation” and “development” is nothing more than moving from an authentic childlike expression to repeating phrases and ways of thinking transmitted by the authority figures with whom we interact.
When we repeat these clichés, we’re resorting to generalizations, which means we abstract ourselves from our uniqueness. In other words, we hide behind an entity we call “them.” By assuming their traditions, points of view, beliefs, and goals as our own, we distance ourselves from our essence. The problem is that we can end up pursuing dreams that aren’t ours and living a life that isn’t the one we want. Therefore, it’s no wonder that dissatisfaction and unhappiness become constants in our daily lives.
Subception: Feeling that something is wrong, without knowing exactly what it is
Jordan Peterson, a psychologist and professor at the University of Toronto, suggests an exercise based on “subception,” a term coined by psychologist Carl Rogers to explain the unconscious mechanisms we activate when faced with a “sub-ignited” threat. In other words, it refers to discrimination without any conscious representation. It’s that feeling of diffuse anxiety, the sensation that something is wrong without knowing exactly what it is.
Subception, according to Jordan Peterson, is a kind of sixth sense that tells us how to react internally and is often used as a defense mechanism because it leads us to apply strategies at an unconscious level to prevent a disturbing stimulus from entering the realm of consciousness.
For example, one of the most common strategies we use is to blame others for our emotional state. This way, we avoid assuming that we are responsible for the feelings that, according to society, we shouldn’t be experiencing.
In practice, when we are exposed to a threat, we respond unconsciously, not saying what we really want to express, but simply repeating what we have heard before and what those authority figures have told us.
We curtail our uniqueness, a phenomenon Nietzsche described perfectly when he said, “People hide behind customs and opinions for fear of their neighbor, who demands conformity.” The good news is that we can overcome this incongruity and reconnect with our essence.
An exercise in deconstructing our ideas and thoughts
Carl Rogers explains that when we move away from this defensiveness and react more constructively to the feeling of subception, “we develop an increasing openness to experience, not distorting the moment to fit personality or self-concept, but allowing personality and self-concept to flow from the experience.”
To achieve this, Jordan Peterson proposes a very interesting exercise in introspection and deconstruction that helps us avoid being deceived by the ghosts of the past, so that we end up giving value to old beliefs that have no say in our present.
It’s an exercise to open the mind to what’s happening now, reconnect with bodily sensations, take responsibility for who we are and believe, and express ourselves more freely in different social roles.
“Start by assuming that most of the things you say and think aren’t yours and that you don’t believe them; they’re just things you’ve picked up for one reason or another.
Imagine your own thoughts as if they were being spoken by someone you just met, so you can detach yourself from them.
Stop blindly repeating other people’s opinions.
Note that this is not you.
So start listening to what you say and, above all, start feeling what you say.
And then remember to follow this rule:
Pay attention to whether what you say makes you feel more empowered or weaker.
If you feel stronger, keep repeating it.
And if it makes you feel weaker and you notice, for example, a feeling of disintegration or fragmentation in your stomach, stop repeating it.
Whenever you feel a physical sensation of instability, stop.
Then look for words that are not true.
Reframe them so that when you reframe your thoughts, your sense of integrity, strength, and authenticity reappears.
You will be able to feel them on a bodily level.
Saying something that isn’t true leaves you feeling weak because you dissociate; part of you agrees and part doesn’t, which fragments your psyche.
For example, saying things you don’t believe in order to impress someone, or to be accepted into a certain social order, creates a mask behind which you hide what you really feel.
You must avoid falsehood when representing yourself, otherwise you may end up mired in an endless series of lies.
But if you get your words right, you can feel yourself regaining alignment.
When you do this exercise, you subordinate your ability to speak to your ability to pay attention.
In reality, attention is a higher cognitive function than the intellect, since it is what guides it.
So pay close attention to what you say.
Try to articulate your beliefs as carefully as possible.
So accept the outcome. Embrace your truth.
To withstand the blows of life, you will have to learn to speak from the depths of your soul.
There is nothing better.”
References:
Schirp, M. (2017) Jordan Peterson Explains the Most Useful Psychological Exercise Anyone Can Ever Do. In: High Existence.
Eriksen, C. W. (1956) An Experimental Analysis of Subception. The American Journal of Psychology; 69(4): 625-634.
Voor, J. H. (1956) Subliminal Perception and Subception. The Journal of Psychology; 41(2): 437–458.
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