The “I deserve it all” culture: when desire is disguised as entitlement

We live in an age where phrases like“treat yourself,” “you’re worth it,”  or  “you deserve the best”  have become mantras that appear in advertisements, on social media, on mugs with motivational messages, and even creep into everyday conversations.

After a rough week, we tell ourselves, “I deserve a treat.” After a breakup, we console ourselves, “I deserve the best.” And, of course, when something bad happens to us or something that goes against our wishes, we reassure ourselves, “I don’t deserve this.”

At first glance, these messages seem positive, encouraging us to love ourselves and not settle. However, when we dig deeper, we discover that this culture of unlimited entitlement has flaws. What happens when we confuse self-care with entitlement? When does “me first” become an excuse to ignore realities, efforts, or consequences? What happens when we stop distinguishing between what we want and what we truly need?

And in the culture of “I deserve it all,” the line between empowerment and self-deception is so fine that it is sometimes crossed without us realizing it.

How has a culture of disproportionate entitlement been created?

The idea that we deserve everything is a way of thinking that has gradually infiltrated our lives, driven by advertising messages, untrained coaches, motivational speeches, and a kind of “consumer positivity.”

The logic behind that message is simple: if I’ve suffered, worked, struggled, or simply existed… then I deserve whatever I want. How did we get to that point?

1. Emotional marketing. Brands have been selling themselves as a “reward” for our daily efforts for decades. Thus, a $5 coffee isn’t just a coffee; it’s “a moment you deserve” (a trap to get you to pay more). The problem begins when we normalize spending, indulgences, or excesses based on this logic.
2. Social media. We live in an age of personal branding. Every achievement is shared, glamorized, and publicly celebrated. This can create pressure to lead lives “worth living” and, at the same time, reinforce the idea that every wish must come true. Because if everyone else is constantly traveling, shopping, and enjoying themselves, I deserve it too!
3. Pop psychology and empowerment without nuance. Phrases like “you can achieve anything you set your mind to” or “anything you desire is possible” are meant to be empowering… but they can easily be distorted into a narcissistic worldview, where boundaries, processes, effort, and external realities are blurred.
4. Confusion between rights and desires. Lately, basic rights (such as respect and health) are conflated with desires (having the latest iPhone or a luxury vacation). The result is a feeling that we deserve everything, and if we don’t get it, the system (or others) is failing us.
5. A misunderstood culture of effort. We were taught that whoever tries hard enough gets what they want. But that’s not always the case. And when their effort isn’t rewarded, many people feel like they’ve been robbed of something that was “theirs.” Because they deserved it. This unmet expectation generates frustration and sometimes anger because we don’t understand that effort isn’t always a guarantee of success.

Pros and cons of the “because I’m worth it” mentality

Not everything is negative. This mentality, in its proper measure, has valuable aspects, as we all need recognition and rewards.

The positive

• Empowers. Feeling that you deserve good things can help you escape unfair situations, avoid settling for mediocre relationships, or even assertively stand up for your rights.
• Motivate. Sometimes, knowing you deserve better can push you to try harder, take better care of yourself, or simply take the first step toward getting where you want to be.
• Combat toxic guilt. For many people who grew up believing they don’t deserve anything, this shift in perspective can be profoundly liberating. In fact, in cultures where sacrifice is a virtue, remembering that enjoying life is legitimate fosters emotional balance.

However, when believing we deserve everything becomes a belief that guides our decisions and shapes our worldview, it can end up undermining our ability to tolerate frustration and, in the long run, making us unhappy.

The problematic

• It creates unrealistic expectations and chronic frustration. Thinking you deserve everything exposes you to a constant feeling of dissatisfaction. Since reality often doesn’t live up to such high expectations, frustration soon sets in.
• It fosters a self-centered attitude. When everything revolves around what you want and believe you deserve, you leave little room for empathy, nuance, and harmony, so relationships often take a toll.
• Guilt and self-importance. Oddly enough, at some point, this mentality often turns against you. If you don’t achieve what you think you deserve, you consider yourself a failure and blame yourself, which can trap you in a toxic cycle.

A key nuance: wanting is not the same as deserving

That’s the core of the issue that often goes unnoticed. Wanting something is okay. Wanting a better life, a healthy relationship, time for yourself, a job that motivates you… All of that is valid. The problem arises when that desire becomes a kind of absolute right.

Because the world doesn’t work on merit. There are wonderful people who don’t receive what they should. And there are others who have almost everything without having sought it. Life is unfair —and convincing yourself otherwise could do more harm than good by locking yourself in a bubble that, sooner or later, will burst.

How do we escape this trap and find a mature and realistic balance?

How can we escape this cognitive trap so prevalent in society? The secret lies not in ceasing to desire, but in adjusting expectations and redefining success.

1. Practice gratitude, not demands. Instead of thinking about what you supposedly deserve and don’t yet have, ask yourself: What do I already have that I don’t value enough? Gratitude will give you perspective and allow you to enjoy life more as it is.
2. Accept limits without over-dramatizing them. Limits exist, and they are far more numerous than we think. Therefore, learning to live with them—whether in terms of time, money, energy, or relationships—doesn’t mean mediocrity or conformity, but rather emotional maturity.
3. Find the source of your desires. Do you really want this? Or do you only want it because others have it? Do you need it, or is it an expectation you’ve been sold? Questioning yourself can be uncomfortable, but it will also help you understand yourself better and define goals that truly make sense to you.
4. Mind your inner language. Change phrases like “I deserve it ” to “I want it,” “it would be good for me,” or “I’m going to work for it.” This connects you more with reality and creates fewer expectations. In fact, it’s a more mature and realistic approach.
5. Recognize the invisible effort. Behind what others have achieved, there is often a lot of effort and sacrifice, a long journey that is often not seen in photos and often not even told. Success stories never talk about survivorship bias. So, be aware of all the effort that great achievements often require and ask yourself: “Am I willing to pay the real price to get what I want? “

In short, the “I deserve it all” culture stems from a legitimate need: to feel valued and motivated. But when it becomes a rigid and pervasive belief, it can distance us from reality, from others, and from ourselves.

Remember that emotional maturity is being able to say, “I want this, but if I don’t have it, I’m still okay.” And that, while not as brilliant and motivating as “I deserve it all,” gives you an inner peace that no one can take away from you because it doesn’t depend on anything external.