All relationships require work. If you want a relationship to work, you have to dedicate time and effort to it. Unfortunately, sometimes we’re so caught up in our own inner world and lead such busy lives that we take our partner for granted and neglect the little things. However, just like a garden, we need to nurture our relationships, otherwise the weeds of boredom, stress, or lack of communication will eventually choke them out. And at that point, it might be too late.
How can you really improve a relationship?
When you’ve spent years observing couples, you learn that there are no magic formulas or universal solutions. Every relationship has its own story, its own wounds, and, of course, patterns that repeat themselves time and time again. Arguments that seemed insignificant can escalate into crises that threaten to destroy everything, and conversely, small gestures that seem trivial can help couples reconnect on a profound level.
1. Listen attentively and with real interest
There’s a big difference between hearing and truly listening. Listening is a skill that requires several abilities, from making eye contact to observing body language and connecting emotionally. It also involves paying attention while being fully present, not with your mind elsewhere. This will make the other person feel heard and validated. It will make them feel that they matter to you.
How to put it into practice?
In every conversation, eliminate distractions: put away your phone, turn off the TV, and look your partner in the eye. Repeat what they’ve said in your own words to make sure you’ve understood. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to explain further, and avoid interrupting or anticipating their response. Dedicating just half an hour a day to this kind of active listening can dramatically improve your connection. I guarantee it.
2. Don’t forget the kind gestures, the ones you had at the beginning of the relationship.
At the beginning of a relationship, everything is about the little things, but with routine and daily stress, some couples lose sight of those gestures. However, people always remember how you make them feel. So, keep those small acts of kindness, tenderness, and care alive for your partner. It’s these small/big things that create intimacy and make a relationship fulfilling. And it’s not just me saying this. Science has confirmed that small acts of kindness and affectionate gestures regularly improve a couple’s emotional well-being and strengthen the relationship.
How to put it into practice ?
Dedicate a moment each day to a specific gesture: an unexpected message, making their favorite coffee, giving them a surprise hug (one of those that warms the soul), or remembering something important to them. It doesn’t have to be anything grand or expensive; consistency and intention matter more than size. Even small habits, like asking “How are you feeling today?” and listening attentively to the answer, strengthen your bond.
3. Let go of expectations – or at least try to
We all tend to respond to others’ thoughts and feelings from our own perspective. This is an egocentric bias. As a result, we anticipate and react impulsively. We imagine things the other person hasn’t said and react to our interpretation rather than to reality. However, if we truly want to improve a relationship, we should set aside our expectations and listen to each other without preconceived notions.
How to put it into practice?
Before reacting, stop and ask yourself, “Is what I’m feeling related to what’s actually happening, or to what I expected to happen?” Ask open-ended questions like, “How do you see it?” or “What do you need right now?” and listen without interrupting. Avoid anticipating their answers or imposing your own interpretation. Simply take note of what your partner says and respond accordingly. A minute of pause and mindful attention before answering can prevent many misunderstandings and arguments. I assure you.
4. Choose the best time to talk about difficult topics
Not everyone is receptive all the time. Not you, not me, not your partner. There are times when we feel bad or frustrated. At those times, it’s not a good idea to bring up a sensitive topic because the conversation is likely to quickly deteriorate. In a relationship, it’s important to be sensitive enough to choose the right moments to address more delicate issues. This will help you avoid unnecessary arguments and increase the chances of finding a mutually agreeable solution.
How to put it into practice?
Before starting a difficult conversation, observe your partner’s mood—and your own. Avoid discussing important issues when one of you is tired, irritated, or distracted. Look for times when you are both calm, relaxed, and have time to listen to each other. If a sensitive topic comes up at a bad time, suggest pausing and revisiting it later: a simple “let’s talk about this in half an hour, when we’re both calmer ” can make all the difference.
5. State problems assertively
Disagreements and arguments don’t harm a relationship, as long as they are handled assertively. In fact, numerous studies have shown that clear and respectful communication is associated with better relationship dynamics and greater satisfaction. Being able to openly express your thoughts and needs with mutual respect reduces misunderstandings and strengthens the relationship overall.
How to put it into practice?
Empathize with your partner during disagreements (I know it’s difficult, but it’s also essential). Always consider the potential impact of your words and remain open to their opinion, even if it differs from yours. Try to be patient and understanding at all times. And speak without attacking, using expressions like “I feel…” instead of the classic “You always…” This will bring you closer, even if you don’t agree.
6. Choose which battles are worth fighting
In many cases, it’s better to choose the relationship over being right. As a rule, in an argument that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, nobody wins, so sometimes you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth fighting over. And if you decide it’s a battle worth fighting, don’t approach it with the intention of “winning.” The goal should never be to “knock out” your partner, but rather to reach an understanding.
How to put it into practice?
Before responding, pause and ask yourself, “Is this really important, or am I just trying to impose my point of view?” If the answer is no, let it go and focus on maintaining the connection. If it is important, present your arguments as calmly and concretely as possible. Propose solutions or compromises and listen to your partner’s response. Even briefly summarizing what you both want to achieve can turn the discussion into a constructive conversation rather than a damaging conflict.
7. Be prepared to give in
Another key piece of advice for improving a relationship is being willing to compromise. Of course, sometimes it’s important to stand firm, but other times you need to be flexible. Strong, lasting relationships know this. They understand that commitment is essential. Therefore, it’s important to be clear about your personal boundaries, but also to be willing to change some things. You can’t constantly ask and receive; you also have to give. Balance is the key.
How to put it into practice?
If you need clarity, make a list of your priorities and boundaries, and define which are negotiable and which are not. In situations of disagreement, identify a point where you can compromise without feeling like you’re losing yourself. For example, if there’s a plan you’re not entirely convinced about, consider alternatives that work for both of you. Practice the “give before you demand” rule: make a gesture of flexibility first and see how your partner’s disposition improves. Even small daily concessions, like yielding on which movie to watch or which activity to do, can create an atmosphere of reciprocity.
Last but not least, become someone your partner wants to be around. Relationships flourish when people feel comfortable in them, their needs are met, and they can continue to grow by supporting each other.
References:
Savitri, S. et. Al. (2025) Warn & assertive communication for couple wellbeing in marital relationship. ICCD; 7(1): 207-214.
Reis, H. T. et. Al. (2017) Compassionate acts and everyday emotional well-being among newlyweds. Emotion; 17(4): 751-763.
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