Two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, were on their way to the monastery. However, it had rained the day before and the paths were muddy. As they passed near a small village, they met a young woman wearing a splendid golden kimono.
The young girl was trying to cross a puddle of water but was paralyzed, thinking that if she wet her kimono, she might ruin it and her mother would harshly reprimand her.
Without hesitation, Tanzan approached the young woman to help her. He picked her up and carried her on his back to the other side of the pond. Then the two monks continued on their way.
When they reached the monastery, Ekido, who had been restless for the rest of the journey, reproached his companion harshly:
– Why did you take that young girl in your arms? You know well that our vows forbid us to do so!
Tanzan was not troubled, he looked at his travelling companion and replied with a smile:
– I carried that young woman a few hours ago. You, on the other hand, are still carrying her on your back.
In everyday life, we often behave like Ekido: we do not act when necessary, but then we continue to ruminate on the situation. As we breathe life into the past, we continue to feed the worry and prevent ourselves from turning the page.
Flow: The secret to getting out of “ruminating mode”
Rumination is one of the main black holes of the mind through which much of our energy escapes. When we ruminate on an idea, we have no space for anything else, and we become physically and mentally exhausted. In addition, our mood worsens because we bring up unpleasant events that generate anger, frustration and resentment.
Most people try to stop the flow of these thoughts by force. However, the interesting thing is that controlling these thoughts is often not only a useless task but counterproductive because the more we try to push these ideas away, the more strongly they will come back, which is what is known in Psychology as the “Rebound Effect”.
In practice, when we want to stop thinking about something, our brain goes into “tracking mode,” and that idea or thought becomes even stronger. That’s why the best way to combat unwanted thoughts is to flow.
Flow doesn’t just mean accepting, but adopting a psychological distance, to see the problem as if we were an external observer. A person who flows, when they have an unwanted thought, doesn’t react negatively, but embraces it and lets it go.
How to learn to flow?
1. Stop thinking in extremes. Don’t think in terms of “positive” or “negative,” “good” or “bad.” Don’t try to label those unwanted thoughts as negative or bad, just notice their existence. Rumination takes so much of your energy precisely because it scares and worries you.
2. Find a quiet place in your mind. This is a very simple visualization technique, in which you must imagine a place that makes you feel safe and relaxed. Imagine that place in its smallest details and let the sensations it transmits overwhelm you. While you do this, breathe deeply.
3. Revisit the idea. Revisit the unwanted idea, now in a calmer state of mind. You will notice that it no longer causes you the same anxiety. Ask yourself where the idea came from and whether it is worth continuing to think about it or whether it is a worry that will lead you nowhere. Then, let it go through visualization techniques.
The main goal of these steps is to reduce the emotional impact of the idea that worries you so that you can think more clearly and make good decisions.
However, keep in mind that the best way to avoid rumination is to behave like Tanzan: do what you have to do, when you have to do it. This means that if you act when necessary, giving your best, you will not have to recriminate yourself and retrace your steps later.
When you are sure that you have done the best you could, with the experience and resources at your disposal, rumination has no place.
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