Contempt can be classified as one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, the source of many of the problems in interpersonal relationships and cause of ruptures and disappointments. Its tentacles are long and can cause a lot of damage, as Voltaire affirmed: “Everything is bearable except contempt”.
In fact, we should not forget that although contempt is directed towards the others, it is also reflected inward, like all negative emotions, so that it ends up harming those who experience it.
What is contempt?
Contempt is a negative feeling that arises when someone is considered inferior. This means it’s not simply an emotion; it also implies an evaluation, which in many cases can border on disrespect.
Contempt is the opposite of empathy. Empathy implies being able to put oneself in the place of the others, experiencing their emotions and understanding their ideas, while contempt implies an attitude of arrogance and superiority with which the other is judged. Empathy nourishes the bonds of the relationship while contempt breaks them.
Often – but not always – contempt appears alongside other emotions, such as anger and disgust. In fact, it is considered to be part of the “Triad of Hostility” – which is formed by contempt, anger and disgust.
In fact, researchers from the California Institute of Technology confirmed that in some social situations anger goes hand in hand with disgust and contempt, so that all those emotions are involved in the same social assessment.
Therefore, contempt would be a complex emotion that is based on a negative assessment of a person’s worth, but also arouses feelings of hostility. This was confirmed by a study conducted at the University of Bari in which it was appreciated that contempt not only “thinks” but also causes a great activation of the amygdala, the brain structure par excellence where emotions are processed.
How does anger become contempt?
Sometimes, contempt and anger go hand in hand, so it is difficult to determine where one emotion ends and the other begins. In fact, both emotions have a common origin: guilt.
- We despise or get angry with a person because we blame him for what he has done. In the case of anger, we blame the other because he has intentionally done something that we consider wrong.
- In the case of contempt, we blame that person but in terms of stupidity, incompetence or immorality.
With anger we make an attribution of situational guilt and in the case of contempt, dispositional. That is the reason why, when we feel contempt, we may think that person does not even deserve our attention.
It is a different evaluation pattern because it implies that we have surrendered, we think that that person is not good enough, that he can not change and that he does not deserve that we devote our energy and time to him.
This evaluation of inferiority related to the absence of control has also different short and long-term repercussions. Contempt is an excluding emotion that gives way to indifference and leads to the removal of that person from our social group or, in the worst case, annihilate him directly, in the literal or metaphorical sense.
In fact, emotions have a social function since they generally promote bonds. Anger, for example, involves approaching the person to “attack” him. It is a kind of negative feedback with which we want that person to change his behavior, which ultimately means that we are hopeful for a positive transformation.
An experiment conducted at the University of Amsterdam found that people tended to exclude and ignore those who were the objects of their contempt. Instead, they assumed an antagonistic attitude toward those who aroused their anger, whether through criticism, negative feedback, or explicit expression of anger. It was also observed that after a few days, participants tended to reconcile more with the object of their anger, showing a tendency to approach them than with the target of their contempt.
Therefore, the “emotional” goal of contempt is to exclude the offender, unlike the goal of anger, which is confrontational. Contempt implies the loss of that hope. It is an exception within our emotional spectrum since its function is not to bond but to preserve and, if possible, to widen the distance between people and break any hint of intimacy.
It should be noted that in some cases, sustained anger does not help change the person, but rather worsens their behavior. Anger then generates a feeling of helplessness that gives way to contempt. Generally, this is a mechanism that occurs below the threshold of our awareness.
However, in some cases, we may choose contempt, more or less consciously, because we know that anger is a social response that is more punished or frowned upon. In practice, the negative social implications associated with anger can lead us to choose the path of contempt and indifference, which is more socially accepted because its expression is more veiled, although this does not mean it causes less psychological damage.
The 3 Fundamental Causes of Contempt, According to Science
Contempt is usually a reaction to a specific situation, usually to the behavior of a person or group. We may feel contempt because we have been deeply hurt, insulted, or humiliated, but also because of what we consider an unacceptable transgression.
Social Rejection
Contempt often arises from social rejection, such as when we are not reciprocated and end up despising the person who was the object of our love. A 1993 study by psychologist Roy Baumeister found that in unrequited love, 25% of those rejected reported harboring negative feelings toward the object of their love, including contempt.
This reaction could be a kind of defense mechanism, since contempt often implies devaluing others, it also boosts one’s self-image. In these cases, it would be a “balancing” emotion in the face of rejection to compensate for the blow to the ego.
Moral Transgression
We can also feel contempt toward someone who has transgressed a moral code, such as abuse, betrayal, deception, or disrespect. In fact, contempt is a “moral emotion.” In contrast to other emotions, contempt is typically a response to what we consider a violation of boundaries and norms, whether social or personal.
In this regard, a very interesting study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania revealed that in some cases, contempt is often the response to a moral transgression. These researchers found that it is a reaction to violations of three different ethical norms, which they called DAC. In practice, we react
- With contempt when social hierarchy or group duty is violated (Community)
- With anger when individual rights are violated (Autonomy)
- With disgust when purity or sanctity is violated (Divinity)
Recurring conflicts
In other cases, contempt is the result of a series of recurring conflicts that are not satisfactorily resolved, but rather slowly degenerate into a negative attitude toward the other person. When arguments are repeated over and over again without resolution, patience and mutual respect erode. What at first may have been a difference of opinion or a misunderstanding eventually turns into a battle of attrition.
In this scenario, contempt appears as a way of summarizing all that accumulated weariness: it is no longer just about what is being discussed, but about what the other person begins to represent emotionally. Their words, gestures, or attitudes become intolerable, almost as if their mere presence triggers a reaction of internal rejection.
As a result, contempt acts as an emotional symbol that something has broken down. Therefore, it is not uncommon for one partner to end up looking at the other with that mixture of superiority, disdain, and emotional exhaustion that characterizes contempt.
However, contempt doesn’t depend solely on what happens to us; it is not a reactive emotion; it also depends on how we process the situation. It has been shown that more empathetic people tend to feel less contempt because they try to understand others rather than judge them. Conversely, more self-centered and narcissistic people tend to experience more contempt. In fact, if someone believes they are superior, they will perceive others as inferior and are more likely to disdain them.
Dispositional Contempt: The Personality Traits of Disdainful People
Although contempt is a very powerful emotion, with enormous potential to energize our behavior, it has been very little studied. However, psychologists at the University of California recently analyzed more than 1,300 people and discovered what they classified as “dispositional contempt.”
Dispositional contempt is the tendency of some people to despise, distance themselves from, and derogate those who violate their standards, so it could be considered a personality trait. These people are contemptuous on a “professional” level, adept at looking down on others with a gesture of rejection and disgust, then walking away with an air of superiority, saying nothing or dropping a phrase that will destroy the other person’s self-esteem.
Interestingly, people who displayed dispositional contempt in their relationships were also more likely to:
- Feel envious of others
- React angrily to the slightest setback
- Display hubristic or exaggerated pride
- Be colder in interpersonal relationships
- Believe themselves to be above average
- Display narcissistic traits
- Be extremely perfectionistic
- Have antisocial traits
People with a tendency toward dispositional contempt were also emotionally fragile, had developed insecure attachment, and had low self-esteem. In fact, the researchers found that contempt was primarily activated when people were involved in situations in which they perceived little power or competence.
This suggests that when contempt becomes a common reaction, it may mask deep insecurity, acting as a defense mechanism to protect a fragile ego.
The Damage Caused by Contempt
Contempt often creeps into our daily lives, although its intensity varies. In the workplace, whether in dealings with colleagues or superiors, it can be commonplace, although it also manifests itself in relationships with family members and is expressed socially toward certain groups we consider alien and inferior to our own.
In fact, contempt goes far beyond uttering a hurtful remark. Disdain is also demonstrated through small signs such as a negative and sarcastic tone of voice, rolling the eyes, slightly lifting the upper lip, or relating to others with the deepest indifference, pretending that the person doesn’t exist, avoiding speaking to them.
However, nurturing contempt is not good for anyone: neither for the person being contemptuous nor for the one contemptuous. As Honoré de Balzac once said: “Incurable wounds are those inflicted by the tongue, the eyes, mockery, and contempt.”
The Consequences of Contempt for the Disdained Person
Since overcoming contempt from others is not easy, it can cause profound damage to self-esteem. The disdained person understands that nothing is expected of them. Disdainful looks or comments intended to show them that they mean nothing to us lead to a decline in self-confidence and a feeling of inadequacy. Being treated as less than, they may begin to feel less than themselves. This creates a terrible self-fulfilling prophecy.
This pattern is replicated at the social level, as demonstrated by research conducted at Florida State University. These psychologists observed that when a group is exposed to contempt and exclusion, its members suffer a decrease in self-esteem and a deterioration in their ability to self-regulate.
This means that these people not only lose self-confidence, but also lose the ability to regulate their emotions and behaviors, which will lead to new conflicts as they are more likely to break rules. A thought like this takes hold in their minds: “After all, if I don’t matter to others, it doesn’t matter what I do.”
The Impact of Contempt on Those Who Disdain
However, contempt is a sword of Damocles that eventually falls on the head of those who experience it. This feeling is fueled by simmering negative thoughts about another person or group, which not only leads to dangerous and destructive conflicts but is also a source of psychological distress that prevents us from finding inner peace.
Although contempt is expressed coldly, it is experienced internally as a bubbling feeling, so it is not surprising that it has been found that when one partner despises the other and displays contemptuous attitudes, they are more likely to contract infectious diseases. Contempt is a poison that also destroys the emotional and physical health of those who experience it.
How can one free oneself from contempt?
- Examine your thoughts. The root of contempt lies often in our stereotypes and prejudices, which fuel hostility and the belief that those who are not equal to us are inferior. Therefore, it is essential to scrutinize our thoughts in search of the seeds of contempt towards certain groups. Being aware of those derogatory beliefs will limit their power on our behavior.
- Practice empathy. It is hard to feel contempt when we are able to put ourselves in the place of the other. If we try to walk his way using his shoes, we can better understand his attitudes and behaviors instead of harboring feelings of hostility since these are usually born of incomprehension and fear of what is different.
- Do not look for perfection. Perfection does not exist, but if we look for it in the others and we do not find it, we are at risk of judging them as inferior and begin to feel contempt towards them. Therefore, to free ourselves from this feeling we must also free ourselves from the search for perfection. We must assume that we all have virtues and defects, and that everyone has his way of doing things and think, which is not always better or worse, but only different.
- Stop judging. When we stop judging we find inner peace. When we stop valuing the others according to our yardstick, we snatch oxygen from contempt, so that it can not survive. We must assume once and for all that the others do not have to behave according to our expectations and norms and we do not have the right to judge and criticize them.
- Forgive more. Contempt is usually cooking over a slow fire, fueled by the flames of resentment. However, if we forgive that person and give him or her a second or third possibility, we will be free of the negative emotions that also consume and harm us. We must bear in mind that forgiveness is, above all, an act of personal liberation.
Ultimately, contempt speaks more to our own wounds and stereotypes than to the other’s flaws. It’s an emotion disguised as superiority, but it often stems from pain, frustration, or disappointment. Learning to recognize it and understand its origins is the first step toward dismantling its effects, both on our relationships and our mental health.
References:
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Fisher, A. (2011) Contempt: A Hot Feeling Hidden under a Cold Jacket. En: Re-constructing emotional spaces: from experience to regulation; 77-87. Praga: Prague College of Psychosocial Studies Press.
Hutcherson, C. A. & Gross, J. J. (2011) The Moral Emotions: A Social-Functionalist Account of Anger, Disgust, and Contempt. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; 100(4): 719-737.
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