In an increasingly polarized world, where personal beliefs have become identity banners, it is easy to confuse what we think with who we really are. Many people take pride in their ideologies, religions, moral values or political stances, and defend them with fervor. However, there is an uncomfortable question that we rarely ask ourselves: do we really live according to what we claim to believe?
It is not beliefs that define our integrity, but how we translate them into concrete actions.
This phenomenon is not new. In 1934, sociologist Richard LaPiere conducted a revealing experiment. He traveled across the United States with a Chinese couple at a time of heightened racism toward Asians. Although most of the hotel and restaurant owners they visited were accommodating, when LaPiere later sent them surveys asking if they would accept Chinese customers, 92 percent said no.
This experiment illustrates the gap between attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, showing a disconnect between what we say we believe and how we actually act. LaPiere called it the “attitude-behavior paradox,” a reminder that our actions don’t always reflect our convictions.
Beliefs vs. behavior: the gap between saying and doing
Social psychologist Leon Festinger coined the term “cognitive dissonance” to describe the discomfort we experience when there is a contradiction between our beliefs and our actions. A classic example is someone who considers themselves environmentally responsible, but turns to single-use plastics without a second thought.
In such cases, our brain tries to reduce this psychological tension by any means necessary. We have two options: either we change our behavior, or we justify our actions so that they continue to fit with our identity.
Many people choose the second path, which explains why they cling to their beliefs as if they were proof of their moral worth. Telling themselves “I am a fair person” or “I care about others” is comforting, but if those ideas are not translated into coherent actions, they lose their weight and become meaningless.
Friedrich Nietzsche summed up this internal struggle best: “’I have done this,’ says my memory. ‘I could not have done that,’ says my pride, and remains unmoved. In the end, it is memory that gives up.”
The moral superiority bias
Another factor that influences the gap between what we claim and what we do is the “moral superiority bias.” Basically, most people believe that they are more ethical, more fair, or more caring than average, even though statistics show that it is mathematically impossible.
This bias makes us feel comfortable with our beliefs, but it also makes us less critical of our actions. In other words, we can fall into the illusion that embracing certain values makes us good people in and of itself, without the need to make an effort to apply them.
Today, that bias is more prevalent than ever. Social media, for example, has created a space where it is easy to proclaim certain beliefs without having to act on them. Sharing a post about social justice or equality can make us feel morally superior, but how aligned are those posts with our daily decisions? After all, “fighting” from the couch with a phone in hand is very easy.
Less speeches, more actions
Jean Paul Sartre said that “we are not what we say, we are what we do”. The true measure of our character is not in what we preach, but in what we do – often quietly and without seeking any kind of social recognition.
If we really want to be better people, the way is not to reinforce our beliefs or proclaim them more vehemently, but to make sure that our actions are aligned with what we want to defend and what we identify with.
So we need to do an uncomfortable exercise: regularly ask ourselves if our daily decisions reflect what we say we value. And be humble enough to recognize that having good intentions is not enough or that sometimes we are not entirely consistent.
Carl Jung said bluntly: “You are what you do, not what you say you are going to do”, so the most difficult challenge is not to build an identity based on ideas, but on habits and actions that reflect what we really want to be. Only in this way can we transcend moralistic discourse and become the person we aspire to be, even when we are alone and no one sees us.
In a world that often rewards rhetoric over substance, perhaps it’s time to stop judging ourselves for what we believe and start valuing ourselves for what we do. Because, at the end of the day, it’s not our beliefs that change the world, but the actions we take.
References:
Tappin, B. M. & McKay, R. T. (2016) The Illusion of Moral Superiority. Soc Psychol Personal Sci; 8(6):623–631.
Festinger, L., & Carlsmith, J. M. (1959) Cognitive consequences of forced compliance. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology; 58: 203–210.
LaPiere, R. T. (1934) Attitudes vs. Actions. Social Forces; 13(2): 230–237.
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