Between reality, our vision of reality, and our expectations about that reality, there is sometimes a gap so large that it threatens to become an abyss. And the greater that distance, the more maladaptive our responses will become, the fewer goals we will achieve, and the more frustrated we will feel.
The tendency to live in the world we imagine or desire can become a double-edged sword that works against us because it dangerously distances us from reality. Therefore, although it is very tempting to close our eyes to the facts, we need to accept life as it is.
The tension between the ideal world and reality
The human mind has an amazing ability to project itself into the future, an ability that, although it has allowed us to adapt and evolve over time, also has a negative counterpart since it can generate constant friction with reality.
We all have the tendency to dream and compare. We project ideal scenarios and contrast what is with what we assume should be. This continuous tension between reality and desire, between facts and our expectations, not only shapes our experiences, but can also become a source of psychic tension if we do not know how to manage it properly.
In that sense, when Freud analyzed drives and their relationship with reality, he observed how the pleasure principle that drives us to seek immediate satisfaction must be moderated by the reality principle, which introduces the need to postpone pleasure depending on external conditions. Throughout this process, psychological maturity is developed , understood as the ability to negotiate internal demands and the impositions of reality.
However, when we live in a society that constantly sends the message that we must have it all and without delay, the natural balance between those principles is broken or never achieved, so many people become trapped in a cycle of frustration and fantasy, where the “ideal” exerts constant pressure on reality. The result? They fail to accept life as it is.
The thousand traps of illusion
In a way, the creation of these fantasies can be a form of regression, a return to more primitive forms of thought and behavior that helps us avoid the pain or frustration of the present. Generally, this ideal world offers a feeling of control and perfection that reality cannot provide, so it becomes a kind of “refuge.”
However, denying what bothers us will not make it go away, just as ignoring a problem will not solve it. When these fantasies become the center of our lives, the ability to cope and adapt to reality is seriously compromised. This mismatch between what we want and reality ends up generating frustration, anxiety, dissatisfaction and suffering, in addition to launching defense mechanisms such as denial.
Living in an idealized world leads to increasing alienation from reality. This distancing is not only external – with respect to the world around us – but also internal, with respect to our sense of self. Little by little, we are experiencing dissonance and the personality is fragmenting as we are forced to “unfold” ourselves into different versions to inhabit these very different worlds. However, sooner or later these universes will collide.
The present, a gift in itself
Binding ourselves to our expectations about what should be will only lead us to a constant fight against the present, denying what is in favor of what we imagine and wish to be. Viktor Frankl, on the other hand, stressed the importance of finding meaning even in the most adverse circumstances. He said that life makes sense precisely in the confrontation with the uncontrollable.
Accepting life as it comes does not mean resigning but putting into practice a radical acceptance from which we can rebuild ourselves and rethink our goals. You won’t be able to improve things if you are not first willing to accept life as it is. Even if you don’t like it. Remember that…
- Before we can apologize, we must accept that we are wrong
- Before we can forgive, we must accept the pain we feel
- Before we can let go, we must recognize what we are holding on to
- Before we can find strength, we must accept our vulnerability
- Before we can heal, we must recognize the emotional wound
- Before we can grow, we must recognize that we are stagnant
- Before we can experience what awaits us, we must let go of what we have planned
We need to remember that the present is a gift in itself. But often, we are so busy thinking about how we would like things to be that we forget to appreciate what we have here and now. Each moment is unique and unrepeatable. And if we don’t live it fully, we lose it forever.
“Life is a play that does not allow testing. So, sing, cry, dance, laugh and live intensely, before the curtain closes and the piece ends with no applause,” advised Charles Chaplin.
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