Everyone is moving forward except me: what is happening to you and how can you keep moving forward?

No matter how independent you are, it is difficult to live completely outside the social targets that mark the times in which you are supposed to have achieved certain life goals. These external references become a kind of “success timer”, a “universal clock” that moves inexorably forward.

And even though no one is forcing you to keep up, social pressure is there, latent, whispering in your ear that “you should have arrived already.” That’s why you can sometimes feel like “everyone is moving forward except me.” What’s really behind that feeling?

The origin of the feeling of life delay

There’s a stage, usually around age 30 or 40, when it seems like everyone around you is making strides while you’re just…well… surviving. No matter what you’re doing with your life, there’s always someone who seems to be ahead of you.

Your college friend already has her own home and two kids. Your high school buddy is traveling the world while his company is going full steam ahead. Your younger cousin has already landed his dream job. And you just feel like you’ve been left behind.

If you live in a rented home, you will be asked when you plan to buy a house. If you are single, when will you find your partner? And if you have it, when will the wedding be? If you are already married, when will the first child come? And so on… It is as if society, your family, and social media have agreed to remind you that you are not where you are supposed to be.

The comparison trap, a filter that exaggerates your flaws

We’ve been taught to feel bad at comparisons. As a child, your parents probably pointed out to you how good other people were. And your teachers compared you to the best students in your class. These kinds of comparisons can motivate you to keep learning and improving, but they’re not always beneficial. Why?

Ultimately, comparing yourself to others is like trying to run a marathon where each athlete is on a different track and with a different destination. It’s unfair and exhausting. Each person has their own path, full of obstacles, exits and curves that are not always visible from the outside.

Of course, it doesn’t help that only an edited and sugarcoated version of this “sneak peek” is shown. On social media, you usually only see endless carousels of happiness that don’t show the suffocating mortgages, the doubts about marriage or the exhaustion of parenting.

Not seeing everything that goes on behind the scenes can make you think that others have found the secret key to success, while you are still trying to decipher the basic instruction manual for life.

So instead of comparing yourself, take the time to identify what you really want. Not what you’re supposed to have or have achieved by your age, but what makes you truly happy. Maybe you don’t want to take on a lifelong mortgage and would rather have more freedom to move around. Maybe you’re not interested in starting your own business. Maybe you don’t want to have children now – or ever. And all of those aspirations are perfectly legitimate.

The terrible dictatorship of the “shoulds”

If you want to get rid of that feeling that “everyone is moving forward except me,” it is also important to do some introspection to find your “shoulds.” If you feel stuck in life compared to others, you probably use that word a lot in your inner dialogue.

You might say to yourself, “I should have bought a house already,” “I should have a better job ,” “I should have started a family,” “I should have a partner .” The list is endless, and the worst part is that these expectations rarely come from you. They are a combination of social norms, family pressures, and what you see on social media.

However, remember that there is no universal standard that dictates what pace you should move at or what things you should achieve. Believing in those “shoulds” and letting them dictate your pace is like thinking that your life is nothing more than a TV show with a predictable script that you must follow.

The truth is that every step you take — or don’t take — should make sense to you, not to meet an imaginary timetable. Life isn’t about getting there first or following someone else’s path, but about figuring out your own path and goals.

The illusion of the finish line and the concept of “moving forward”

Society binds us to conclusionism and sells us a very concrete idea of ​​what “moving forward” means: getting a house, starting a family, having a stable job, and, of course, appearing happy in the process. The problem is that this “moving forward” is built on a generic mold that doesn’t take into account your circumstances, desires, or, quite simply, your time frame.

You’ve also been led to believe that there’s one right way to move forward, but the truth is that paths are as diverse as the people who walk them. The key isn’t to move fast, but to move forward in your own way. And sometimes that means taking time to reflect, redefine your goals, or simply enjoy the present. In fact, that counts as moving forward, too.

The real problem isn’t whether you’re moving forward or stagnating, but rather the meaning you give to it. Maybe for you, moving forward means getting out of a relationship that wasn’t good for you, learning something new, or simply surviving a difficult stage in your life.

Redefining progress means being honest with yourself and accepting that there is no universal timeline. Do a little exercise: write down three things you have accomplished in the past few years, no matter how small they may seem. You’ll be surprised to realize that progress doesn’t always involve a big, visible change; sometimes, the most important progress is internal, and without those small changes, you couldn’t have achieved greater achievements.

And don’t forget that “moving forward” isn’t even a linear process. Sometimes, to move forward, you have to go back, pick up broken pieces, and learn lessons. There are times when it feels like you’re going backwards, but you’re actually gaining momentum. Losing a job, getting out of a relationship, or even feeling lost are experiences that, even if they don’t seem like it, prepare you for the next step.

So, the next time you feel like “everyone is moving forward except me,” remember that other people’s lives are not a valid yardstick for measuring your achievements. You may not notice it now, but every little step you take, even the seemingly insignificant ones, is bringing you closer to a unique and authentic place: your own.