Emotional loneliness does not always coincide with physical loneliness. Sometimes it’s possible to feel lonely with people around us. However, accompanied loneliness is often an alarm signal when it occurs in a romantic relationship. If you often think “I feel alone with my partner”, it is likely that there is some underlying problem that needs to be solved because this type of loneliness is contradictory and devastating.
The consequences of feeling alone in a relationship
There are dramas that are not solved with arguments and slamming doors, but they creep in the silence of everyday life, generating ever deeper suffering. Such is the case of accompanied distance, of the loss of connection that occurs between two people who used to love each other but have gradually drifted apart.
In fact, accompanied loneliness is often experienced as a feeling of disconnection. Feeling alone with a partner indicates a lack of emotional harmony. It is usually a strange sensation that generates some perplexity since, although we have the person we love by our side, we do not “feel” him/her.
Obviously, feeling that the other mentally lives in other latitudes and perceiving that disconnection can be painful. These types of situations have a serious impact on our well-being, self-esteem and the relationship. Perceiving how our partner is mentally located in other latitudes where we cannot reach, not only hurts, but ends up being discouraging. In the long run, if the distances are not shortened, a breakout is the most likely path on the horizon.
Why do I feel lonely with my partner?
Generally, the feeling of loneliness in a couple occurs when people distance themselves, either because they lead different lifestyles or because their interests have changed. When we start looking in opposite directions, an emotional gap opens up that leads to that feeling of psychological distance.
Obviously, this does not happen overnight, but rather it is usually a situation that develops over time. It can occur when, for example, one stops giving importance to shared details, customs and rituals, so that the worlds grow apart, like two planets that orbit but never touch.
When we do not grow together with each other and do not make an effort to understand the other, incompatibilities worsen. Resentment and intolerance can take roots, generating a feeling of dissatisfaction and insecurity that distances us.
It also occurs when we stop paying attention to the other, letting ourselves be carried away by the routine, so that spaces to continue discovering ourselves and exploring that new person that we are becoming over the years are not fostered. This lack of interest in each other can turn a couple into two strangers living under the same roof.
In reality, feeling lonely and sad in a relationship is more likely when routine spreads its tentacles over the relationship, especially during those times when we simply get carried away by work, responsibilities, and social commitments. When we begin to live on automatic pilot, the space for affection, looking into each other’s eyes, and meeting again becomes more and more restricted. The routine ends up eroding affection, love and intimacy, generating that feeling of loneliness, isolation and disconnection with the other.
In fact, on some occasions that feeling of loneliness is born from vital dissatisfaction and lack of meaning. The problem does not always have its origin in the way in which the relationship is carried out, but in the changes that one of its members has experienced.
There are those who feel alone despite having a partner because they are no longer the same. They have changed and are navigating the waters of frustration by not having what they want. In these cases, the relationship is no longer satisfactory because the other cannot give us what we want at that moment in life.
What to do if you feel lonely being in a couple?
The feeling of loneliness within a couple sets a deadly trap: the idea that there is nothing to talk about anymore. Although in reality, there is a lot to talk about, despite the fact that nothing is talked about anymore. For that reason, the first step is to restore communication and prevent everyone from locking themselves in their universe.
In order not to feel alone in a couple, it is essential to avoid reproaches and the fire of crossed accusations, betting on a sincere dialogue in which both can express what they feel and, above all, what they expect from the relationship.
It is important to identify the causes of this accompanied loneliness in order to work on them and recover the lost bond. We must say what we want and listen to our partner’s side of the story, as well as validate his/her feelings.
The idea is that both feel comfortable and happy in the relationship. To do this, we may have to negotiate, make concessions and implement changes in our lifestyle. And if we realize that love has disappeared, it is also important to make it clear since deception and self-deception only serve to prolong suffering. When the relationship cannot be recovered, it is better to put an end to it than to live in indifference.
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