If you are reading this article, you probably suspect that your partner is hiding something from you. Maybe you’re still groping, wondering if it’s your wild imagination or if it’s actually tricking you. It is normal that you want to shed light on that bank of darkness in which you find yourself because there is only one thing worse than realizing that the person you have trusted has betrayed you: living with the uncertainty that they are deceiving you.
How do I know if my partner is hiding something “important” from me?
And I say “important” because we all, consciously or unconsciously, have areas of shadows in our interpersonal relationships. It is practically impossible for the other person to know everything about us, even if they are our better half and we love them madly. At the same time, pretending to know everything about the other is a type of irrational expectation that dangerously borders on pathological jealousy.
That means that perhaps those little clues that we interpret as signs of cheating are actually just areas of intimacy that your partner wants to preserve or isn’t ready to share with you yet. Psychological traumas from the past, for example, tend to remain parked for a long time in those shadow areas that we find difficult to bring to light.
Therefore, before going into detective mode, it is advisable to ask yourself if you are not exaggerating in your attempt to get to know the other person. At the end of the day, although a couple shares many things, they are still two people with a different life story behind them and often also with a different vision of privacy.
In fact, pressuring the other to tell you everything can be a counterproductive strategy. It is understandable that we want to get to know the person with whom we share our lives as well as possible, but we also have to balance that desire with their right to privacy.
Have you asked him?
When you think your partner is hiding something from you, it’s easy to go from facts to speculation. You make a movie in your mind in which you end up accusing him of the worst deceptions. However, have you asked him?
The easiest way to know if your partner is hiding something from you is to ask him if he has something important to tell you or simply confess your suspicions. Ultimately, if you want sincerity in the relationship, telling him how you feel or sharing your suspicions is the best strategy to channel those fears or doubts.
Obviously, don’t just pay attention to their words, also analyze their body language. There are some signs that reveal lies and secrets in a couple or in any other type of relationship:
1. He gets defensive. No one likes to be attacked or called a liar, but if you have expressed your concern assertively, there is no reason for your partner to become defensive. On the contrary, if he is an understanding person and loves you, he will be able to understand your discomfort and will try to calm you down.
2. He returns the accusation to you. Turning the accusation back on you is a subtle way to divert attention from what he might be hiding. This puts the focus on you, making you feel guilty or pushing you to defend yourself, while the main issue remains unresolved. If he responds “Why do you always need to know everything?”, there are probably important things he doesn’t want to tell you.
3. His explanation doesn’t add up. A telltale sign that your partner might be hiding something is when their stories just don’t add up. You may notice small inconsistencies or details that change over time. For example, he might tell you that he was out with a friend and then mention that he was alone. These discrepancies may indicate a lie since it involves a great cognitive load and in the long term it ends up being difficult to remember all the invented details, which is why versions often vary.
4. Gives too much detail or is too vague. Although you don’t have to know what your partner has done every minute of the day, being too vague can be a sign that he or she is hiding something. If you ask him where he was, for example, and he responds with “over there,” he is simply telling you that he doesn’t want to tell you. Also, remember that giving too much detail when asking a simple question can also be a sign that they are hiding something from you. When we want a lie to seem more truthful, we usually add more details than we would tell about the real event.
5. You notice signs of nervousness. Each person is different, but everyone has a hard time hiding their nervousness when they are caught lying. It could be a lack of eye contact, a repetitive movement with his feet, or nervously touching his hair. These small signs of unease do not confirm that a person is lying to you, but they do confirm that the situation has caused them great discomfort.
Therefore, if you perceive that your partner is overreacting, defending himself for no reason, or has begun to change his habits and behaviors, it may be worth taking note of. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re hiding something from you, those signs aren’t irrefutable evidence of deception, but if you’re concerned, it’s better to address the issue to get the elephant out of the room as soon as possible.
And if you can’t have a sincere conversation that can really calm your suspicions, you will have no choice but to reconsider whether your concerns have any logical basis or even reassess the direction of the relationship. Ultimately, a person you have stopped trusting is not a good life partner.
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