“Wherever we listen, there is a word that needs to be said, where we put the word there is a silence that expresses a need for help.” Unfortunately, not all psychologists and therapists currently practicing have the necessary training and experience to be able to help the people who come to their consultations. In some cases they even fall into iatrogenesis.
How do you know if a psychologist is not good?
1. Acts unethically. It is normal for psychologists to try to establish an empathetic relationship because this is one of the pillars of therapy, but going beyond this is an unforgivable violation of the ethical code. Any gesture or word that moves into the romantic or sexual realm is a warning sign. The same goes for any type of breach of confidentiality or offensive comments, whether inside or outside the consultation.
2. They are not specialists in your problem. In Psychology there are dozens of disorders, it is difficult to be a specialist in all of them and keep up to date with advances in different therapies. A psychologist who has no training or experience in treating certain problems may make an erroneous diagnosis and follow a therapeutic path that does more harm than good. Therefore, before starting a psychotherapy process, ask for his/her credentials and ask about the experience treating similar cases.
3. Their recommendations violate your beliefs and values. A good therapist should be able to get in tune with your beliefs and values, even if he doesn’t share them in his personal life. In some cases he will urge you to get out your comfort zone and question certain ideas, but he cannot attack your deepest beliefs to such an extent that it makes you enter an existential crisis. The goals of therapy and the path forward are negotiated with the patient, not imposed by the therapist.
4. They don’t answer your questions. As a rule, psychologists do not usually give advice because the patient could take them as rigid guidelines to follow. Their mission is to help each person find their own path and the solution that best suits their case. However, that does not mean that they cannot answer some questions and clarify certain doubts. In fact, counseling is also part of therapy. Therefore, in a Psychology consultation the only one who should speak is not the patient.
5. Share too much personal information. In some cases, in order to generate a certain complicity, the psychologist can share information about his personal life but this cannot become the norm. When a therapist talks too much about himself, he runs the risk of the patient imitating his solutions, thinking that they are the most appropriate.
6. You feel judged. One of the fundamental pillars of all psychotherapy is not to judge or criticize, but to accept the patient. However, not all therapists know how to control their extraverbality and reveal themselves through small gestures that denote that they do not share certain points of view. If every time you go to the consultation you feel judged and criticized, it is time to change psychologist.
7. They minimize your problem. When a person comes to a consultation asking for help, it is because they consider that their problem is important and they do not know how to deal with it. If the therapist is not able to identify the magnitude of the conflict, he will approach it in a simplistic way, proposing actions that distance the patient even further from his reality, which will only make the situation even worse.
8. You feel bad after the sessions. After some sessions, you may feel like having a bad taste in your mouth, perhaps because a sensitive topic was addressed. However, if this sensation repeats itself over several encounters, it is likely that the therapy is not working. Psychologists usually structure the session in such a way that you feel like you are making progress or that you at least come out more relaxed and confident.
9. They are bad listeners. A session is sacred, both for the therapist and the patient. A meeting should not be interrupted because there is a risk of losing the feeling of confidence that had been created. If therapists interrupt the sessions often, it is a sign that they are not good. Another warning sign is that they do not remember important information about your case. As a rule, after each consultation the therapist must make a report and work on the case. Therefore, if he does not remember relevant details it is because he is not doing his homework.
10. Psychotherapy never ends. Sometimes psychotherapy extends beyond our plans, but when a psychologist has experience, he can estimate quite accurately how many sessions will be necessary. If you have been receiving psychotherapy for several years and feel that you cannot live without your psychologist, it is likely that he or she has fostered a dependency relationship. However, the role of the psychologist is to give you the tools so that you can face different situations, not to create an “addiction” to consultations.
And so what?
Just because you had a bad experience with a therapist doesn’t mean everyone is like that. Fortunately, there are many psychologists with years of experience who stay up to date with new techniques and who have successfully helped hundreds of people deal with their problems.
Don’t let a bad experience limit you. The next step is to find another therapist. There are websites specialized in the health area where you can find good professionals. In fact, one of the peculiarities of these platforms is that they also allow you to search for medical centers, which are always a good option since in these you will find teams of psychologists and psychiatrists with different specialties.
However, when choosing, let your intuition speak. If you feel comfortable, empathic, and trust the therapist, you can plan the next appointment.
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