“Happiness comes not from the absence of problems but from the ability to deal with them,” said Steve Maraboli, an American self-help writer. We cannot prevent complications, conflicts and problems from arising, but we can choose what impact they will have on our lives. The way we deal with a difficulty can make us stronger or, on the contrary, can completely destabilize us.
Unfortunately, when we have to face a problem, we often resort to old strategies, which are not always the most effective. In this way, without realizing it, we always respond in the same way. We prefer to repeat wrong solutions than to try something new, simply because we feel comfortable with the familiar and we are afraid of uncertainty. If we resort to hackneyed solutions, it is not unusual for us to make old mistakes or even feel trapped in a vicious circle without even knowing how we ended up like this. At that point we have become victims of what we could call “The streetlight paradox.”
The streetlamp paradox
“A drunk is searching desperately under a street lamp. A policeman approaches him and asks him what he has lost. The man replies: – My key.”
Now there are two people searching. Finally, the policeman asks the man if he is sure that he has lost the key there. The man replies: ‘No, not here, but back there, but it is too dark there.’”
This is a story found in the book “The Art of Making Life Miserable” by Paul Watzlawick, and it is from it that the streetlight paradox is derived.
It may seem like an absurd story, but the truth is that each of us is a prisoner of the “bluff” we hold in our mind. This bluff is nothing more than the solutions we have put into practice in the past and that have been useful. However, that does not mean that we can apply them in the present with the same effectiveness. In fact, they often only serve to limit us.
In fact, this “bluff” is the natural way our brain works. When we are faced with a problem, we search our mental archive for past solutions that have been somewhat effective and try to apply them. This is because our brain always opts for the economy of resources and normally prefers to resort to old solutions rather than seek new paths, especially because new paths usually bring with them a certain amount of uncertainty and anxiety.
So we usually prefer not to waste too much time looking for alternatives and we don’t ask ourselves if the old solutions might be the answer, but we simply apply them. The problem is that we won’t find the “key” if we look in the wrong place, we won’t find the best solution if we always go back on our steps. How can we escape this vicious circle?
Strategic problem solving
Strategic problem solving is a problem-solving model that can be applied to any difficulty in everyday life, from the smallest problems to the largest conflicts. Here are the 3 fundamental steps to face a difficulty and not fall into the paradox of the streetlight.
1. Define the problem
Albert Einstein said: “If I had only one hour to save the world, I would spend 55 minutes defining the problem.”
However, most people think that defining the problem is trivial, that it is better to immediately look for a solution. So we often dive into the problem without really knowing what it is, without really understanding what is worrying or blocking us. In this way, we let our worries devour us.
How can a problem be better defined?
You can ask yourself a series of questions, typical of strategic problem solving , that will allow you to analyze the problem you face more rationally and from different points of view.
– WHAT is the problem?
– WHERE does it occur? Is it limited to certain contexts or does it cover many areas?
– WHEN does it occur? Does it always occur, regularly or only in specific situations?
– WHO does it occur with? Is it related to your partner, your coworkers, your children or your parents?
– HOW does the problem manifest itself?
– WHY do I have this problem?
Usually, when we take the time to define the problem, we realize that there is actually something much deeper at its root. We often discover that what we defined as a “problem” is only an external expression of some unresolved conflict, fear or insecurity. Discovering the origin of the problem is the first step to solving it.
2. Determine the objectives
Rumi, a Persian poet, said: “When we accept our problems, the doors of solutions open.”
Often, not only do we not define the problem, but we don’t even think about how we would like things to go once we solve it. What we tend to do is complain constantly, and that complaint implies the change we want. The typical example is: “I don’t like my job, I would like to have a position where I earn more.”
However, these are not goals that can energize our behavior. To solve problems, we need to “photograph” the path and glimpse the goal. Ask yourself what you can do to achieve that goal, when, how, and with whom you can do it.
Solving problems is not just about jumping over an obstacle, you have to know where you want to go. Therefore, always keep in mind the goals you want to achieve because otherwise, those small, seemingly inconsequential decisions can take you in a direction that is not the one you wanted, which is what is known as the Butterfly Effect.
Once you determine your goals, which should be measurable and achievable, the brain fog will fade away and you’ll be ready to solve the problem.
3. Address the problem strategically
At this point you are aware of the real problem and its magnitude, as well as the objectives you want to achieve, so you have no choice but to face the difficulty. Here are three particularly interesting techniques to find the best solution:
– Make the problem worse. It may seem like a contradiction, but in some cases, if you want to straighten something, you will first have to bend it. In fact, this technique is particularly useful in those cases where we have no idea how to deal with the problem or when we are so blocked that we cannot think positively and constructively. In that case, imagine how you could make the problem worse. What could you do to make the situation worse? When you find the answer, you will only have to take the opposite path.
– Backward planning. This involves following the path to the solution but in the opposite direction. So, imagine that you have solved the problem, visualize how you feel and start going backwards. What was the step before reaching the goal? And the one before? It is like rewinding a tape until you reach the current point. In this way, you will have a clear plan of action. The effectiveness of this technique is based on the fact that it takes pressure off the entire resolution process since it practically becomes a game. In this way, the mind is freed from its constraints and you can discover new solutions that fear or anxiety did not allow you to see.
– Go beyond the problem. Imagine what your life would be like if you finally managed to solve the problem. Visualize an ideal day, down to the smallest details, and if you wish, write it down. The aim of this technique is to project the mind beyond the problem, so that we can escape the vicious circle that fear and uncertainty sometimes create around us. When you imagine that you have solved the problem, you detach yourself from its emotional influence and feel much freer to find better solutions.
