Whether it’s a work project, a discussion about politics with friends, a conflict over parenting, or even choosing where to eat, we tend to think that whoever has the most convincing arguments wins. And be careful, because I said “more arguments” not “more convincing arguments.” The difference is subtle but essential.
As we see life and relationships through the “mentality of more”, we believe that adding more information, more data, more ideas… will have greater persuasive power. In this way, we think that, if we want to convince a potential client, get our partner to listen to us, or persuade a co-worker, we just have to add more information or insist more.
But that can be a big mistake.
The most common and erroneous “persuasion” strategy we use
Most people think that to get someone to change their mind, they just have to push a little harder, whether by adding more arguments, data, or emotional incentives. However, repeating the same things or adding more evidence to the same argument can end up hurting it.
Why?
Very simple: because it is likely that you will end up adding reasons that are weaker than the original ones, less relevant or even unsupported. You’ve probably already made your best arguments, so looking for other “adjacent” reasons, instead of solidifying your position, could weaken it.
Furthermore, due to the recency effect we tend to remember information that has been recently presented to us; That is, the person you are trying to convince will probably remember your last arguments better, which will probably be the least convincing or reasonable.
How to persuade others in 3 steps?
Fortunately, there is a simple solution for those cases in which you need to be more convincing and want to persuade your interlocutor.
1. Identify objections that act as barriers
When you focus on adding more arguments, you run the risk of going so deep into your mind to weave that tangle of reasons, that you may forget to connect with your interlocutor. Instead, simply try to understand him and pay attention to his counterarguments.
Every sales specialist knows that most people have initial resistance and that often these objections are nothing more than the expression of fear to get out of their comfort zone or fear of taking a wrong step.
Therefore, do not add more reasons, look at your interlocutor’s counterarguments and try to understand what motivates them. Insecurity is likely at the root, especially if you are trying to get him to try something new, accept a different idea, or want him to make a decision quickly. When you identify the emotion underlying the reticence, address it tactfully and sensitively.
2. Appeal to an alternative personality
We all like to perceive that we have control over our choices and actions, so feeling pressured usually generates an almost instant defensive reaction. That means that returning to the same topic could generate rejection. Pressuring someone is often counterproductive and will likely only get them to stick to their guns.
However, you can appeal to an “alternate personality.” We all have different “selves” that are activated depending on the circumstances. However, a study conducted at Stanford University revealed that when people first reflect on values other than politics, they later become more objective and open in partisan discussions because they stop seeing events through their ideological lenses.
Therefore, if you are in the middle of a heated conversation and you notice that the person has closed off your arguments, the best thing you can do is appeal to another identity and set of values. This way you can help him recognize that he can change his mind on certain issues while remaining true to other important elements of his personality.
3. Get him to take an outside perspective
Psychologists at the University of Michigan and the University of Waterloo in Ontario asked a group of Americans to imagine how someone in Iceland would view their presidential candidates. After that exercise, participants were much more willing to accept the limits of their knowledge and listen to alternative points of view.
Don’t forget that on many occasions, the best arguments crash against the wall of emotions, habits or even stereotypes. One way to break down this barrier is to encourage your interlocutor to assume a psychological distance from the topic.
If you’re talking about that person’s future, for example, you could ask them to imagine themselves ten years from now. This will help them see the consequences of their current position and more carefully evaluate the arguments that they are now discarding. This will help them open up to your ideas with a more impartial attitude and see the different positions more clearly.
In general, when persuading others you should remember that it is not always about what you say, but how you say it and the way you present it. Maybe you need to change your mindset, so that you stop thinking so much about the ideas you want to communicate and focus more on the words you use. Remember that subtle changes in the way we present our arguments and the words we choose can have a huge impact and be extremely persuasive.
Therefore, remember that less is usually more. Choose your arguments wisely, present them in the best way possible, and be willing to understand the other’s reluctance to address their objections with kindness and empathy. That is the real key to persuading others.
References:
Voelkel, J. G., Ren, D., & Brandt, M. J. (2021) Inclusion Reduces Political Prejudice. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology; 95: 104149.
Kross, E. & Grossmann, I. (2012) Boosting wisdom: Distance from the self enhances wise reasoning, attitudes, and behavior. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General; 141(1): 43-48.
