A good part of people avoid speaking in public and the mere idea of having to do so causes a flurry of butterflies in their stomach. One of the reasons for this fear is that we fear making mistakes, not playing our role well and, above all, we think that others can scrutinize our expressions and detect what we really feel.
This last aspect is known in Psychology as “The Illusion of Transparency” and not only applies to speeches before a large audience but even to the most intimate conversations. For example, how many times have you felt so sad that you thought about canceling a date with your friends but then you went back and they didn’t notice anything? Surely it has happened to you on several occasions. And we assume that others are capable of detecting our emotions and ideas. However, the reality is very diverse. We’re not really an open book.
In 2003, a very interesting experiment was carried out in which a group of people were asked to give a short speech and rate how nervous they thought the audience would perceive them. Next, those in the audience were asked to rate the level of nervousness they had perceived in the speaker. The result left no room for doubt: people overestimated the perception of others. That is to say, the public perceived them with a calmer and calmer attitude than they themselves thought they projected.
Before this experiment, in 1999, another equally interesting study was carried out. In this case, people were asked to evaluate how they would be perceived by others by telling a lie, drinking an unpleasant-tasting soda, and showing concern in an emergency. In each and every case, people thought their emotions were much more evident than the interlocutor acknowledged.
At this point you are probably wondering what the point is for you to know this phenomenon. The answer is very simple: if you know that others perceive a version of you that is much less distressed, nervous or stressed, this can help you reduce anxiety and, in the long run, you will not only be able to convey a more serene image but you will feel more comfortable and relaxed.
A very curious way to check this phenomenon is to hum the rhythm of a song and ask a friend to guess which one it is. If you’re not musically gifted, you’ll be amazed that your friend won’t be able to determine what song it is, even if you think you’ve hummed it perfectly.
The good news is that you are not alone. In 1990, a similar experiment was carried out and it was noted that people discovered what song it was only 3% of the time, even if it was rhythms as well known as “Happy Birthday.”
This little experiment shows us that what may be very obvious to us, may not be obvious to those around us. Without a doubt the same thing has happened to you when sending emails. Sometimes we think that what we have written is very obvious and we are surprised to receive questions about the content.
References:
Savitsky, K. & Gilovich, T. (2003) The illusion of transparency and the alleviation of speech anxiety. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology; 39(6): 618–625.
Savitsky, K. & Gilovich, T. (1999) The Spotlight Effect and the Illusion of Transparency. Egocentric Assessments of How We Are Seen by Others. Current Directions in Psychological Science; 8(6): 165-168.
Newton, L. (1990) Overconfidence in the communication of intent: Heard and unheard melodies. Doctoral dissertation, Stanford University, Stanford, CA.
