How many times have you thought, “this is just temporary” or “better times will come”? We all resort to these clichés – or should we say consolation? Sometimes, when we have to face difficult times or feel stuck in a dense routine, we try to console ourselves by telling ourselves, “it’s just a stage in life.”
The idea that “this too shall pass” can be helpful. Sure. But it also contains a trap because what we perceive as a stage of life is actually our life. And if we don’t take action, that stage could extend until it takes over our entire life. Because if each stage becomes a passive wait for a better future to come, when does your life really begin?
The future trap: What happens if you’re always waiting?
Our minds can deceive us. Telling ourselves that this is “just a stage in life” creates a comfort cushion that can end up becoming a prison. Sitting around waiting for things to change, with the illusion that we have put our lives on hold, allows us to avoid making decisions and delay important changes without feeling guilty. But in the end, life goes on without us.
In 2011, psychologist Daniel Gilbert discovered that we often fall victim to a bias he called the “end-of-history illusion”: We can look back and see our personal growth and how much we’ve matured, but we tend to think that we won’t change much in the future. It’s as if we were frozen in time.
And yet, life goes on and we keep changing – whether we want it or not. The difference is that if we are aware that we are not just going through a phase, we can more consciously decide which direction to take, rather than being carried away by circumstances.
Procrastination nullifies the present while promising an uncertain future
Seneca, one of the great Stoic philosophers, believed that the biggest mistake we make in life is not realizing the brevity of life and understanding that every moment counts.
“You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply – though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last. You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire” said Seneca.
Thinking that we are just going through a stage and not doing anything to try to improve it by getting closer to the version we want to be, means throwing away days or even years of our life.
Is it really temporary? The power of small decisions
There are certainly difficult times, phases in which we decide to make sacrifices to achieve a more ambitious goal or moments in which things don’t go as we would like, but instead of thinking that everything will pass, what would you change if you approached it like life itself?
Ask yourself what you could do differently right now if you accepted that this moment is as important as any other in your life. Of course, it’s not always possible to make radical changes or break with everything overnight. But sometimes the biggest impact comes from small decisions that are in our hands.
Are you in a temporary job? Maybe you can start training in something you are passionate about or invest time in a personal project that could become your job later on. Are you in a relationship that does not satisfy you? Maybe it is time to talk things over. Do you feel stuck in life? You probably need to start planning your next steps to get out of that situation.
Ultimately, don’t expect everything to get better on its own. Don’t think that you’re putting your life on hold, because that’s not the case. Time doesn’t stop, nor does it wait for you. And, although it’s true that you can reinvent yourself at any time, always putting off that reinvention until tomorrow is like leaving a book unfinished, thinking that you’ll have more time later. But maybe that’s not the case.
Source:
Gilbert, D. T. et. Al. (2013) The End of History Illusion. Science; 339: 96-98.
