We are not born to impress the others. And yet, many people go out of their way to impress the others, generating admiration or envy – whichever comes first. There are those who literally live to attract attention, be the centre of attention and garner praise.
Social media has amplified this desire to show the most perfect side of each person, so that many people strive to convey the feeling that they are more progressed than others or are more successful or happy – even if this is not the case.
The trap of wanting to impress
In a way, it’s normal for all of us to seek external validation. We have a natural desire to please, which is not surprising since, historically, the most appreciated, loved and valued people were the most protected in the tribe.
However, there is a huge gap between the desire to be part of the community and the need to impress the others. We have been led to believe that we must compete, stand out and make an impact in order to prove our worth. But this makes us dependent on external approval and increases the risk of becoming people who live to show off.
At a certain point, that need to impress supplants our own needs. We stop asking ourselves “what do I need? ” and instead start asking ourselves “what will impress the others? ” At that point, we lose our bearings and begin to live through the eyes of others, in an unhealthy search for admiration.
In fact, one of the main problems of constantly trying to impress the others is that we end up neglecting our needs. Many times, the things we do to impress the others are not the ones we like the most or make us happy. So we end up denying ourselves, rejecting our essence in order to try to be the person we think will fit into the molds of those around us.
As a result, we can end up living a life we don’t like, doing things we really hate, just to impress people we don’t even really like and who don’t care all that much about us either. Over time, constantly seeking approval from others will cause us to become a false version of ourselves. And that’s unsustainable. In the long run, that path can only lead to frustration and burnout.
Getting rid of the need to impress the others
When we are young, it is normal to some extent to try to impress as our identity is also formed in those interactions. But we should reach a stage in our lives where we need to prioritize ourselves and look within to start asking ourselves what we really want.
As we mature, we gain perspective and things settle down, so the need to impress the others usually disappears – or at least it should. We begin to understand that the important thing is to live with serenity. And that often means not caring what others think.
We will not be truly free until we let go of the need to impress. When we accept who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of trying to be who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to more authentic relationships and true happiness, the kind that comes from being at peace with ourselves.
Ultimately, we must keep in mind that the only relationships that are truly worthwhile are those that help us become better people, without forcing us to transform into someone different from who we are and without preventing us from being the person we used to be.
So don’t get lost in the maze of seeking external acceptance. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. You don’t need a standing ovation from an auditorium, a best-seller, a promotion, or thousands of likes. Right now you are more than enough, you have nothing to prove.
Worry less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.
You will have fewer headaches. And you will live better.
