As a general rule, the healthiest behavior is simply the most authentic. However, because we have grown up in a society that kills authenticity, we have also learned to repress our most genuine emotions and reactions, thinking that they are not positive and even feeling ashamed of them.
What we don’t know is that often our body and our unconscious mind know perfectly well what we need at any given moment. The problem is that we don’t usually pay attention to them, so we end up considering some behaviors and emotions as harmful, negative and inappropriate, when in reality they can be positive and even healthy.
1. Express anger
Anger has a negative connotation in most cultures and it is even frowned upon for a person to be unable to suppress their anger. However, the truth is that expressing anger has enormous cathartic power. Being angry and being able to express it is healthy because it helps us to free ourselves from that emotion.
Anger is simply a response that arises when someone has hurt us or crossed one of our red lines. That anger is activated to defend ourselves from aggression. However, it is nothing more than a reaction, an energy that we can channel in a positive way. In fact, a study carried out at the University of Utrecht found that when people get angry, they are more determined to achieve their goals and fight harder to achieve them.
Of course, it is not about making anger a form of response because, in the long run, it can be a harmful emotion that causes problems both psychologically and physically, but it is important not to repress it but to use it in a positive way.
2. Feeling lost
We have all felt lost at some point, we have had that sensation of not knowing where we are going. We have probably even been afraid or suffered from anxiety since in our culture, it is mandatory to always know where we are going. However, being lost, whether in the literal or psychological sense, is not a negative thing.
In fact, when we feel lost, we are forced to pay more attention and listen to our instincts and deepest emotions. When we know where we are going, it is as if we disconnect from reality as we follow the path by inertia. When we get lost, we are forced to reconnect with the world and ask ourselves questions. These questions can lead us to amazing discoveries that allow us to change our lives, in the interest of achieving greater satisfaction.
Remember that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself again.
3. Crying
In our culture, crying is a symbol of weakness, especially in the case of men. That’s why most of us have learned to hold back our tears. And we’ve learned to do it so well that we manage to avoid crying not only in public but also in private. However, all the emotions that are repressed end up festering, only to come out later with an overwhelming force that ends up unbalancing us.
Sad crying has a liberating power, it allows us to get rid of the pain we feel and generates a state of calm. In fact, a curious study carried out at the University of Tilburg has analysed crying, reaching the conclusion that only when we give it free rein does it have a liberating power. This is because at first, crying has an activating action, increasing the heart rate. If we stop at this point, we will feel worse. However, if we let the tears run freely, we will feel better since in the second phase of crying, there is a reduction in the respiratory rate and this makes us feel calmer and improves our mood.
4. Not listening
Listening is a skill, and it is essential for our daily lives. However, it is not just about listening, but also about knowing who to listen to. That is why, sometimes, not listening can be a virtue. When the person only transmits fear, insecurity and mistrust, it is better that their words do not have an impact on our decision. There are times when it is better to follow our instinct and even make our own mistakes, rather than embark on a path just because others have pressured us.
Not listening does not mean closing yourself off to the opinions and advice of others, but rather knowing to what extent these can be valid and constructive for you. Not listening means not letting hurtful words end up affecting your self-esteem. Not listening also means being prudent, knowing how to set limits and not letting social pressure decide for us.
5. Not adapting
Not fitting in with a group or place is not only uncomfortable, it can even be painful. In fact, a particularly interesting study conducted at the University of Michigan found that social rejection hurts just as much as physical pain, because they share the same neural circuits. Perhaps that is why scientists have always praised people’s ability to adapt to different environments.
However, pain is also a powerful incentive for change. Feeling that we do not belong to a place or a group prevents us from settling into a comfort zone and drives us to look beyond. Not adapting to an unsatisfactory situation can be positive and even developmental because in that search we not only find our true “self” but we also become stronger. Remember that great people have been those who have dared to change what they did not like, those who have not bowed to the rules. In fact, the world would not have changed if people like Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela had simply adapted to the norms imposed by society.
References:
Kross, E. et. Al. (2011) Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. PNAS ; 108(15): 6270–6275.
Aarts, H. eT. Al. (2010) The Art of Anger. Reward Context Turns Avoidance Responses to Anger-Related Objects Into Approach. Psychological Science ; 21(10): 1406-1410.
Hendriks, M.C.; Rottenberg, J. & Vingerhoets, JJ (2007) Can the distress-signal and arousal-reduction views of crying be reconciled? Evidence from the cardiovascular system. Emotion ; 7: 458–463.
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