3 practical exercises to overcome social phobia explained by a psychologist

If you suffer from social phobia, everyday tasks like public speaking, attending meetings, or even starting a conversation may seem like an impossible mission. Many people silently bear this burden, believing it’s something they must simply accept.

However, there is good news: overcoming social phobia is possible. In addition to psychological therapy (which is helpful for understanding the causes and developing social skills), there are also exercises to reduce anxiety and gain more confidence.

Techniques to combat social phobia naturally and effectively

It’s important to clarify that these exercises to overcome social phobia aren’t about changing who you are, but about training your mind and body to stop seeing interactions as dangerous and to gradually feel more comfortable around people.

1. Do breathing exercises

In my professional experience, I’ve noticed that people more easily identify the physical symptoms of anxiety than the psychological ones, which is why it’s easier to address them. One of the most obvious physical signs is difficulty breathing. When we’re anxious, we feel like we can’t breathe properly, we can’t breathe normally, or we struggle to catch our breath. Let’s fix it!

• Sit with your back straight but your shoulders relaxed. Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest so you can feel your breathing as you do the exercise.
• Close your mouth and inhale slowly through your nose while slowly counting to 10. You don’t need to go all the way to 10 the first time, you can start with five.
• As you count, pay attention to the sensations you experience: how your hands and chest move. This will help you forget about the anxiety.
• When you reach 10 (or whatever number you choose), hold your breath for 1 second. Then, exhale slowly through your mouth while counting for another 10 seconds. Focus on the air and the movements of your chest.

Continue the exercise, always breathing in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Ideally, you should repeat it 10 times.

Breathing exercises reduce anxiety, both physically and mentally. Science has shown that when you breathe deeply and slowly, you activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body, reduces feelings of breathlessness or nervousness, and prevents hyperventilation from intensifying anxiety. Furthermore, by focusing on your breathing, you shift your attention away from negative thoughts and the fear of judgment, allowing you to face social situations with greater calm, control, and clarity.

2. Gradually expose yourself to what you fear in controlled environments.

No one gets very far without taking the first steps. Success doesn’t happen overnight, but through perseverance. It’s important to keep this in mind because hopelessness is the main enemy you’ll have to fight when you decide to overcome social anxiety.

In the case of social phobia, you can do a very simple exercise that will help you face your fears: exposure therapy, considered the gold standard for treating this disorder. As its name suggests, the idea is to gradually expose yourself to the situations that trigger your anxiety. How do we do it?

• Make a list of the social situations that cause you anxiety, from the most difficult to the easiest. For example: public speaking, ordering coffee, greeting a neighbor, sending a message to someone you don’t know well…
• Prioritize each situation according to its level of anxiety. Rate each situation from 0 to 10 based on the fear it provokes (0 = no anxiety, 10 = total panic). Then, order the list from highest to lowest anxiety level, so you have a clear map of what to face first and what to leave for later.
• Start with the easiest thing. Choose the situation that causes you the least anxiety, the one you could tolerate best. Before facing it, do a relaxation exercise, whether it’s deep breathing, muscle relaxation, or a short meditation. Expose yourself to that situation as many times as necessary until you notice your fear lessening and you feel more comfortable.
• Gradually increase the level of complexity. Once you master the first situation, move on to the next one on your list following the same process: relaxation, exposure, and repetition.

Each of these steps will help train your brain and your confidence because they will show you that there is nothing dangerous about social relationships. The key is not to create too much anxiety, but to reach a tolerable level each time.

3. Listen to yourself and apply cognitive restructuring

We often tell ourselves things that aren’t true. We engage in a continuous inner dialogue that, when positive, reinforces our self-esteem, but when negative, discourages us and generates anxiety. In fact, a key step in overcoming social phobia is listening to that inner voice. What do you tell yourself that generates the most anxiety and fear?

These thoughts are nothing more than “cognitive distortions” – irrational ideas or exaggerations of reality. These thoughts lead you to make assumptions about what other people might think, say, or do, but often the conclusions you reach are either untrue or exaggerated.

A study conducted at the University of British Columbia found that the key lies in identifying the automatic thoughts your mind generates and then examining whether they have a logical cause, are rational, and, above all, whether they allow you to bring out the best in yourself. If not, replace them with more positive ideas that encourage you to face your fears. I’ll explain how to do it step by step.

• Identify your automatic thoughts. Pay attention to social situations that cause you anxiety and write down the thoughts that arise automatically, for example: “If I speak, everyone will judge me” or “I’m going to make a fool of myself. “
• Evaluate the evidence for and against the thought. Try to be objective and ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that this is true?” or “Are there past experiences that prove otherwise?” For example, you might recall speaking in public before and it went well, or that people didn’t react as badly as you feared.
• Generate more realistic alternative thoughts. Now, replace negative thoughts with others that reflect reality in a balanced way. For example: “It’s normal to feel nervous, but I can handle it” or “Not everyone is judging me; I can concentrate on the conversation.”

Finally, I’d like to clarify that overcoming social phobia doesn’t mean eliminating anxiety completely, but rather learning to live with it and not letting it control your life. Every deep breath, every situation you face, and every balanced thought will help you gain confidence and self-assurance.

References:

Banushi, B. (2023) Breathwork Interventions for Adults with Clinically Diagnosed Anxiety Disorders: A Scoping Review. Brain Sci.; 13(2): 256.

Chowdhury, N. & Khandoker, A. H. (2022) The gold-standard treatment for social anxiety disorder: A roadmap for the future. Front. Psychol., 13: 10.3389.

Taylor, S. (1997)Cognitive restructuring in the treatment of social phobia. Efficacy and mode of action. Behav Modif; 21(4): 487-511.